#forcedfamilyfun

April 10, 2016

 

There is this hashtag on Twitter #ForcedFamilyFun that is brilliant — which is totally surprising.

Hashtag #ForcedFamilyFun was started by a TBS TV show sponsor [The Detour] and usually those crash and burn hard — but not this time.

I do not know if the show is any good I have never watched it but this time the show peeps got it so right and that hashtag stream should be funny as hell. Except  —

All these weird ass dysfunctional people [mostly parents uh ohs] are showing up and tweeting THEY HAVE FUN AND IT’S NOT FORCED!

I am not sure whether to file that under “irony” or “delusion” or “Wow Detour peeps that was totally a brilliant funny hashtag that should have worked clearly the internetz gods hate you I am so sorry.”

BUT!

It did inspire me to dig out a childhood photo.

EASTER PORTRAIT: #ForcedFamilyFun

Hat Attitude

 


 

sunday evening plans

December 24, 2013

 

Screen shot 2013-12-24 at 6.18.50 AM

 


PS: We are giving away a free copy of :::the book::: in a random drawing at the end of the night.

 

max vs. barbie, cage match!

December 15, 2013

 

barbie_max_bw_split_2

I got in an argument with someone on Twitter.

[Yeah, that never happens.]

The guy was being Creepy Guy [“methinks,” seriously?] and I told him he was being the creepy guy and he said —

“Not everyone has your Barbie Doll good looks!”

 


I have to give it to Creepy Guy, I was so cracked up and inspired here it is —

 



MAX VS. BARBIE! CAGE MATCH!

According to CBS News and to Galia Slayen — Galia Slayen actually did the math [I’m from the humanities and could not do that math, thank God you are here Galia!] —

“If Barbie were an actual woman, she would be 5’9″ tall, have a 39″ bust, an 18″ waist, 33″ hips and a size 3 shoe.” And —”

“She’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.”

Holy crap! I’m totally thinking cage match!

Let’s run it down.

 


The Barb clearly has way sexier measurements than I do. Pulling out the old measuring tape, I am bust 37, waist 26, hips 36. The Barb totally has me beat in sexy measurements.

[Disclosure, that chest measurement is not breasts, that is my Scottish forebears’ unusually large rib cage.]

But I’m thinking in a cage match between me and The Barb, that having to walk on all fours thing might be a real disadvantage. Sure, The Barb has me on the height thing, I’m only 5’ 6”, also, you know, if she’s taller, she’s probably got a better reach.

But doy.

She’s on all fours!

 


I’m so winning this cage match.

 


*In the total disclosure category, I think Galia is doing The Barb wrong on her feet. Maybe Galia has just never worn high heels and does not know toes and feet expand when you step out of that arched position. To me? The Barb looks like a size 8, Triple E.

*Also, I could still take her.

*A really egregious typo has been pointed out to me post posting this, um, yeah, my waist is not 36 inches, it is 26 inches. I’m not a tree yet ahhhh!

 

Screen shot 2013-11-10 at 5.16.44 PM

birthdays & john stamos

September 5, 2013

 

stamos_2Got a —

Twitter account? I’m twitter bombing John Stamos for my friend Rane’s birthday. You can help. Tweet this:

Dear @JohnStamos it would totally make your mad cap fan @PlainRane ‘s day if you tweeted happy birthday to her Friday.

It really will make her birthday.

 


[Yes, I am nefarious. But you already knew that, right?]

 

amazon follies

May 6, 2013

 

amazon_2So I have —

Some Twitter stalker going all balls out to hit me. This happens. The stalker thing. I appear to be stalker candy.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even be out in the world, but, fuck it, I want to live my life.

It generally happens because someone makes up in his or her mind what I am supposed to be. And then splat, they meet me, and I’m not it. Ahhh! She isn’t my imagined girl on the unicorn! Ahhhh!

 


 

Look I’m not a girl on a unicorn. And a very smart friend once told me, Look, you owe people who bought the book one thing and one thing only: The book. And you don’t have to be anything more or less than that. The end.

This fucker didn’t even buy the book. He just chased me around on Twitter. His intro was him telling me how amusing he found the Boston Marathon Bombing and West, Texas explosions. And since I did not find either amusing, it went downhill from there.

 


 

But he kept following me.

 


 

When I posted, Had anyone read the book who could give it a review? He said, “So, did I want HIM to give it a review”?

It was a threat.

I said I’d prefer people who read the book gave it reviews. And then he got more freaky and I blocked him.

 


 

He reviewed the book on Amazon. Just like he promised to do if I wasn’t nicer to him. A book he never read.

And he started a WordPress blog titled MaxAdamsAndTwitter. And pasted my photo on it and went to town with posts — with a link off his Amazon “review.”

 


 

WordPress took the blog down. Seeing as it was wearing my name and was draped in my photos and that’s kind of fucked up.

Amazon, however, is a little kinder and friskier with stalkers.

 


 

Amazon was the link out to the Max Adams Stalker Blog, see. But no worries. First, Amazon couldn’t find the one 1 star review on the book’s Amazon page even with an ISBN and link to the review. I know, that was the first email a week or so later after I asked for help.

(No worries, Amazon, I will send them to you again.)

Then, the review that flat out says “I didn’t read the book I just hate and want to fuck with the author” and links to a WordPress blog wearing the author’s name and photo attacking the author, well, no worries. That doesn’t violate Amazon terms of service. Because I guess being a conduit to personal and professional attacks on authors on the internet is no biggy, Amazon?

For fuck’s sake, Amazon, what are your terms of service?

Just curious.

 


 

I have to go call my lawyers now to find out what it means when an online business is actively operating as a conduit for personal and professional stalker attacks on female individuals through the internet. I asked for help more than once from you guys.

Love and Kisses,

Your Fuck You Amazon Adams Girl


 

PS: Hey, I posted your photo up there, you won’t mind right? You didn’t mind linking out to a stalker who was posting my photos, so I figured it would not bother you. Smooches!

 

 

 

Join us for Indiechat 3/19 at 9pm EST! Topic: Screenplays

March 19th, 2013 by

As many of you may know we took over the twitter chat #indiechat. #Indiechat is held every Tuesday at 9pm EST. You can check out our previous chat logs on BiblioCrunch Storify.

This week on #indiechat Kate Tilton (@Froze8) will be will be hosting from the BiblioCrunch twitter account (@BiblioCrunch) with guest Max Adams (@CelluloidBlonde). Max will be giving her tips on screenwriting and answering questions!

Hope to see you there!

About Max Adams:

Photo Credit Michael J. Canales

Max Adams is an award winning screenwriter and author. She has written professionally for Columbia Pictures, Hollywood Pictures, Touchstone Pictures, Universal Pictures, Walt Disney Studios, and Tri-Star Pictures. Organizations she has lectured and/or taught at include University of Southern California, Austin Film Festival, Squaw Valley Community of Writers, Film Arts Foundation, New York Film Academy, Gotham Writers, University of Utah, and the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences. She is a former Writers Guild of America, West online screenwriting mentor, is the founder of two international online screenwriting workshops, The Left Door and 5150,  is the author of The New Screenwriter’s Survival Guide; Or, Guerrilla Meeting Tactics and Other Acts of War, is a University of Utah associate instructor and is the founder of the The Academy of Film Writing. Her produced feature films include Excess Baggage, The Ladykillers, and One For the Money. You can connect with Max at The Academy of Film Writing or check out her book: The New Screenwriter’s Survival Guide;  Or, Guerrilla Meeting Tactics and Other Acts of War. Photo Credit Michael J. Canales.

 

These guys —

On Twitter are talking about Sheryl Crow. She has a brain tumor. One of them says it is benign. Another guy really likes her music. Another says it’s not his thing but she’s better than most of the pop girl singers. They note she’s hot.

This is all especially funny to me because these are big brawny military guys. Usually they are talking about things like Mauser Broomhandles or what to do if your optics fail. Today they’re talking Sheryl Crow’s music and one of them is a fan. This is like Rambo suddenly launching into why he likes Disney movies.

I consider making popcorn.

They are also seriously not Democrats. I’m unsure whether they are Republican or Libertarian, but it is one or the other. Most likely Libertarian. This effects their reaction to hot chicks apparently —

 

Guy One: Isn’t she kinda liberal too?
Guy Two: Oh yeah, big time.
Guy One: Almost all the hot talented celebrity chicks are, its a shame.
Guy Two: Together we can turn them!

 

And people wonder why I love Twitter.

 

 

I told —

A guy on Twitter [let’s not name any names, erm, @MiltShook!] he really shouldn’t try to talk down to people more intelligent than him.

He said I overestimated myself.

That’s not really true. It’s not that I think I’m all that smart. It’s that I think he’s really really not smart.

Proving my theory, he immediately blocked and then responded to me.

[On Twitter, if you block someone before responding, the person won’t see your response. Unless, you know, they’re all interwebz savvy. :::cough:::]

Like I said. Really really not smart.

I’m constantly amazed though by a particular male reaction to me. There seems to be this unspoken opinion some men hold that, because they have penises, they are somehow endowed with across the board greater intelligence than women. I don’t know where that comes from. Everyone knows guys who think with their dicks are basically incapacitated. Yet still it persists: “Step back little lady and let someone with a penis brain tell you how it is.”

That’s not a brain. That’s a penis.

 

 


RT @LOLGOP: Bachmann really is one of the most vile human beings to ever live. The lies upon lies. But she makes the cat watch the TV.

RT @ninatypewriter: Bachmann, please get in your car and drive away on the socialist, government-funded road…

RT @DavidCornDC: Bachmann kind of claiming that Ben Franklin opposed Obamacare. Really.

RT @BorowitzReport: Bachmann apparently is withdrawing from the race to spend more time applying gigantic fake eyelashes. #iacaucus

RT @ninatypewriter: Bachmann just pronounced poignant with a hard g.

RT @LOLGOP: Michele Bachmann: I will do anything I can to make sure 30 million Americans won’t get health care, EVER!

RT @ninatypewriter: Oh. My. God. Bachmann is speaking word salad. And it’s from prepared text.

RT @lwdgrfx: RT @charyl: RT @JohnFugelsang: If Michele Bachmann were any more unbalanced she’d be a Cubist painting.

RT @lwdgrfx: RT @lizzwinstead: Guess it’s back to blowing corndogs.



 


*if you are not on twitter, you are so missing out on iowa fun

 

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