iq!

 

 
I have been doing IQ posts a long time and people even really close friends [who you would think would have been there from the beginning but no, thank you demon from hell Facebook algorithms] keep asking me what “IQ!” by cute animal photos means so, for everyone who missed it, the “IQ!” story:

Studies [scientific studies including big research by the Japanese and the Japanese do not dick around with productivity studies] indicate looking at cute cat and dog and animal photos increases work productivity and attention spans AND IQ. So  —

You have total IQ every time you visit or view or like a cute animal photo. You get more productive and smarter. Yay! Also possibly more Japanese but the Japanese have better hair and fashion across the board than anyone in the US anyway so that is not a con.

Expect more cute animal photos soon.

That is my contribution to society and science dammit!
 

the owls are back

 

The owls are back.

The owls spend time on this enormous tower by my apartment building.

That tower is over four stories tall.

I do not know what the purpose of that tower is. Sometimes mysterious workmen come out to work on things in electric panels at the tower’s base at night. That is always odd to me. Workmen at night. Like real night. 2 AM and 3 AM real night.

 

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I think that tower is the owls’ winter vacation residence. The owls were here when I moved in last year right at the end of November and were still here through December. Then the owls went away.

 

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It is November again and the owls are back.

History suggests “winter home.”

I wonder where their summer home is?

 

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Before tonight I had never seen one of the owls. I would hear them. They call out their “who” calls late at night after the sun is long gone and their call echoes for miles – or at least sounds like miles to me on my balcony hearing their calls echo out.

 

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Tonight I saw one of the owls. The owl was in silhouette, just a dark bird with a real long wing span coasting away against the night’s darkness.

That is one seriously big owl. I spent some formative years in the country. I know a long wing span when I see one. This owl has a wing span bigger than any hawk – and I have seen some pretty big hawks – I have ever seen. Bigger than a falcon and I have seen some pretty big falcons too.

That owl has vulture wingspan. Like the big vultures, the huge ones, that are bigger than eagles and when they spread their wings, their wing span is wider than I am tall.

 

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I have never seen an owl that big before. But there he is. With his partner. Wintering atop the four story mystery tower next to my building.

He could so beat me arm wrestling.

Maybe I better put on a little weight.

 

couch surfing gecko!

 

 

I have this new roommate. The Gecko. He is small. He does not pay rent. I think he is couch surfing.

 

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The first time I saw the gecko I was very worried about the gecko. What if the gecko wandered under the couch and became confused and disoriented and dehydrated?

[This is foolish thinking it is a very modern couch with no flounce that might disorient a gecko.]

 

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A few days after the gecko moved in the gecko dodged onto the balcony when I opened the balcony door to go smoke.

[I was going to smoke. I am not sure about the gecko.]

I encouraged the gecko to flee and be free.

The gecko would have none of it.

A day later there was the gecko and the gecko dodged back in.

 

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The gecko has been couch surfing here a month. It works out. The gecko dodges in and out when the gecko wants.

 

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The gecko never comes in the bedroom. I do not think the gecko likes carpeting.

The gecko likes the office and the wall by Marilyn.

 

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You totally want to see the gecko closeup don’t you?

[I knew it you are gecko fans already.]

 

 

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*Shut up, it’s an iPhone, what do you want, gecko leg stubble?

 

men who hate[d] cats

 

I love this.

[Yeah, I know, I am youtube crazed right now.]

[Get over it. This rocks. Yay!]

 

 

i have to post this

 

 

an unfortunate history with inanimate objects

 

 

I would like to say :::Lizard on the Doorstep::: is the only chance encounter I have had with an inanimate object in which I mistook an inanimate object for an immediate threat of the antisocial animal variety.

This would not be true.

 

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Age 7: When asked to take the trash out after dark, mistook a discarded chair and couch in the dumpster for bears.

Age 8: When crawling under house foundation [don’t ask, it is an eight year old thing] mistook mattress entrails for pack of attacking tarantulas.

 

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[One reason my step-father will always be endeared to me is, he returned from each above emergency site saying things like “they did look like bears” and “that did look like a herd of attacking tarantulas.”]

[Also he was totally right they did.]

 

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Flash to Now: Going out onto balcony after dark for a smoke, mistook oak leaf of unusual size for alligator lizard.

 

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In my defense, there have been a LOT of incidents that totally did involve living creatures of questionable hospitality:

:::Playing Chicken With the Bear:::

:::Red Racer:::

:::Duct Tape is My Friend:::

 

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Also in my defense I have had a lot of non-reported antisocial animal encounters:

•Swarmed by usually-brine-shrimp-eating-not-max-eating spiders at the Greater Salt Lakes —

[I hope never again to find myself stripping on a public boating dock shouting, “Hit me with the hose!”] —

•Attacked by an innocuous twig that wrapped around my ankle and tried to bite me —

[yes, snakes do fly] —

•Escaped 350+ pound pigs trying to eat me —

[technically that was a lot my fault I should not have been in the pigs’ yard on that farm but still, death by 300 pound pigs does not look good on a tomb stone] —

•Chased by an antisocial goat —

[yeah yeah yeah everything trying to hit you with horns looks big and aggressive when you are three but still, mental scars, people, mental scars!]

•There was a standard poodle who lived in a house on the way to school when I was in first grade and that damn poodle chased my bike every day on the way to school —

[I have a scar on my wrist still from the day my bike’s chain fell off changing gears and that damn poodle finally caught me and took me down.]

[Also, no matter how many times your kid mistakes couches in the dumpster for bears after dark, (ONE TIME!), maybe listen when your kid tells you every day a dog is attacking her on the way to school — that works out better than the day the school nurse calls saying your kid is all messed up from a bike crash and dog attack.]

 

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TALLYING UP THE LIST here as well as events to remain unmentioned [yes unmentioned and they will REMAIN UNMENTIONED TOO] I’m going to say there were more antisocial animal encounters than inanimate object encounters.

Also that oak leaf of unusual size totally had it coming.

 

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mr. butts

 

Is it —

Amazing I still have this photo? That is Mr. Butts in his rocket pack. Originally he had a globe helmet he wore for the movie but the helmet photos were too smoky for the magazine so we gave him a space hat and put his space pack on him to shoot these for the Dog Fancy article.

I am holding anchovi pizza off camera to get this pose [every dog has his weakness] while Fabiana Cesa who I went to film school with and who is great with a camera shoots the pictures.

 

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Mr. Butts was a major player in Plan 10 From Outer Space directed by Trent Harris starring Karen Black which I crewed on in college.

 

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There is an entire Dog Fancy article and also a Cinefantastique article on Mr. Butts [yeah yeah yeah, you didn’t think I was paying tuition in college?] if I get time I will put them up and link them in. For now, you just get the really sweet dog. Also, the “Holy Mother of Christ, no tongue, Mr. Butts!” story is not currently online. But could be. If you ask nice.

 

the girl with two dogs

 

There is a girl —

Who walks her two dogs down the path outside. She is little, about 5’3″. With long straight dark hair, a very white smile, and an hour glass figure a little over what Victoria Secret hires for.

The dogs are small dogs, black, about 20 pounds each. One is Poodle, one is Terrier.

The dogs were not sure about me and gave me the eagle eye when we first met. One barked. The Poodle, not the Terrier. But they decided they like me. Now they do the dog grin at me.

The girl is really sweet, and not American at all. Americans have these communication rules about insincere greetings. When someone says how goes it or what’s new, people say “fine” or “things are good.” They don’t really answer. They give the polite programmed response. It is a thing.

My small dogs friend doesn’t talk that way. When she stops and I ask some small polite question, she really answers. And tells me stories. About her day, her weekend, what just happened that is news.

I wonder whether this is cultural or she is lonely. I am not sure. But we talk.

It always makes my day more interesting.

Then I wonder whether that is cultural or I am lonely.

I will be moving soon.

I will miss the girl with two dogs.

 

i have been neglecting you

 

I know, I have been totally neglecting you.

Sorry about that.

Here are polar bears and dogs playing to make it up to you:

 

 

i canz has kleenex?

 

Meet Diesel. Diesel was roaming Wilshire Blvd when a crazed pedestrian snatched him out of the way of exciting Wilshire traffic and handed him off to my friend Robin who took him to a vet where he weighed in at 1.1 pounds. [Wow, that is heart, taking on Wilshire traffic when you weigh 1.1 pounds.] He is very little. He gets food on his nose. He is coming home to stay with me for a bit.

Diesel needs a home.

Maybe with you.

Email me.