how to enjoy coleslaw

November 26, 2015


coleslawHow to enjoy coleslaw:

1. Throw coleslaw in trash.
2. Order fries.
3. Eat fries.


and the winner is —

November 9, 2015

This is totally my favorite photo from all of AFF. Oh the horror! Oh the consternation! Oh nos!


Max oh nos!

max action figure!

October 16, 2015


OMG! I so have to do this: :::CUSTOM ACTION FIGURE:::

Look at some of these outfits!

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This is too awesome I must do this.


Okay I know you are feeling robbed because you came over here to see a Max Action Figure and no Max Action Figure, right?

I will use my uncanny graphics skillz to mock up a Max Action Figure just for you.



I would make an awesome action figure! The doll’s body and my face yay!

That is all.



couch surfing gecko!

October 13, 2015


couch surfing gecko!


I have this new roommate. The Gecko. He is small. He does not pay rent. I think he is couch surfing.



The first time I saw the gecko I was very worried about the gecko. What if the gecko wandered under the couch and became confused and disoriented and dehydrated?

[This is foolish thinking it is a very modern couch with no flounce that might disorient a gecko.]



A few days after the gecko moved in the gecko dodged onto the balcony when I opened the balcony door to go smoke.

[I was going to smoke. I am not sure about the gecko.]

I encouraged the gecko to flee and be free.

The gecko would have none of it.

A day later there was the gecko and the gecko dodged back in.



The gecko has been couch surfing here a month. It works out. The gecko dodges in and out when the gecko wants.



The gecko never comes in the bedroom. I do not think the gecko likes carpeting.

The gecko likes the office and the wall by Marilyn.



You totally want to see the gecko closeup don’t you?

[I knew it you are gecko fans already.]


gecko closeup!


*Shut up, it’s an iPhone, what do you want, gecko leg stubble?



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closet frenzy

October 6, 2015


It seems like after all the work I did clearing out the closet it should look neater than this. Hmm.




Also word on the street is the world is ending tomorrow in which case I am going to be really mad I spent days cleaning out and organizing that closet. :::grrr:::


baseball cap dementia

October 4, 2015


baseball_caps_2Why does one woman —

Own 30 baseball caps?



[When I say “one woman” I mean me.]



I spend hundreds of dollars on my hair.

It is criminal to own this many baseball caps AND spend this much on my hair.

That crazy contradiction might even spell mental instability.



Shut up it does not.

Shut up it does too.



Okay I am totally not giving up the Reservoir Dogs baseball cap I got at Sundance the year Reservoir Dogs premiered at Sundance —

[Yes the gray one with the red text.]


how to enjoy pumpkin beer

October 4, 2015


Step 1: Throw pumpkin beer in trash.
Step 2: Pour real beer.
Step 3: Drink real beer.

confederate flag parade!

June 29, 2015



fat pants!

June 21, 2015

So I have to get fat pants. [Isn’t the fat pants dog hilarious? Thank you Jardiland Light Biscuits!]

I have to get fat pants because I got hurt six months ago and haven’t exercised and also have lived in sweats and pajama pants for the last six months.

Interestingly, sweats and pajama pants are a lot more forgiving than jeans. Something that only really comes home after you try to stuff your fat little post injury size 6 bod into your skinny little pre injury bod size 2 jeans.

I could tell myself I will just exercise it off. But I need to leave the house one of these days before I exercise anything off and maybe not in sweats or pajamas.

Fat jeans are in the mail.

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