February 23, 2015
I may be laughing little too hard at this.
February 12, 2015
Wednesday I went to the Texas DMV.
[Actually in Texas it is called “Public Safety.” Interesting.]
I think the woman at the Texas DMV was a little worried about me.
She explained what buttons to push on the machine I could not outsmart.
She pointed out the forms I needed, which were directly behind me that I had walked past, lost, three times.
She came and corralled me out of the autistic area [I did not know DMV’s had autistic areas] even though by that point she probably thought I totally belonged there.
AND got me a clipboard since it hadn’t occurred to me I’d need one what with the autistic area having nice little tables and all.
[It was a Men In Black moment! Quit it!]
Thank you, Nice Texas DMV Lady. You are the only reason I am a licensed Texas driver today.
[Texans may not thank you for this later.]
January 30, 2015
I’m always seeing posts online places like FaceBook along the lines of, “If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?”
People give deep insightful emotional words of encouragement.
People give little warnings about the future.
How come no one ever says something REALLY useful like, you know, “BUY STOCK IN MICROSOFT!”?
*I stand corrected, one other person did, yay, Sparkle!
January 28, 2015
I had this brilliant thought today. From now on when food shamers attack — wave gluten at them!
Yay! Yay! Yay!
I could see this clearly in my head. Me waving my little stalk o’ wheat at nefarious food shamers. Nefarious food shamers recoiling in horror like Kolchak vampires recoiling from a cross. There would be hissing. There would be clawing. Maybe some fang action, even maybe a little smoking skin action. It all seemed so perfect —
Then I remembered this Jimmy Kimmel clip:
It’s not going to be fun at all if food shamers don’t recoil away like a Kolchak vampire — and if I have to stop each time and explain it IS gluten I am waving at them AND explain what gluten is, well that is going to suck the joy right out of it.
January 26, 2015
Yeah yeah yeah, I know, usually I have duckface and am eating a hotdog in shots of me.
But she does look like me.
Damn you, @Variety, there can be only one!
[Unless she has a really spectacular expense account, that might be useful.]
[Also I really need to up my game and start looking all sultry instead of hungry for hot dogs in photos.]
[The above hotdog photo was taken by Chesh.]
January 25, 2015
It’s been so long since I had anything resembling long hair, I forgot it gets tangles in it that have to be brushed out. Where do these tangles come from? What causes them? Does the hair just go on a tangling spree on its own? Does it have its own brain?
[Okay wait I know hair has its own brain, that is clear even with short hair. Maybe the hair is stealing my brain. Ahhhh!]
PS: It has not escaped my attention my second father on FB renamed that photo “BratPunzel.” I am pretty sure he was not referring to the photo either. :::grrr:::
January 14, 2015
Long into 2015 I have been pondering New Year’s resolutions.
I have finally hit on one.
I am going to carry glitter bombs with me everywhere and every time a person annoys me or pisses me off, I’m going to sparkle his or her ass.
Okay not specifically the ass.
Whatever is the biggest target in throwing range.
Bonus Sparkle Points: I hear a lot of strippers wear sparkle stuff, so if someone is a total ass and I sparkle him?
Hello, big trouble at home when the wife thinks he got sparkled by a stripper.
January 13, 2015
January 6, 2015
A guy with a dog very excited and barky about the woman smoking on the balcony went by the other night. The dog could not be convinced I was not bark worthy material. The guy was wearing a Superman costume so I get why the dog was a little on task. The fate of the world was hanging in the balance….
The dog was named Ace, by the way, and was a black dog. It is possible that was Batman’s dog and Superman just kidnapped him and Ace was shouting for help.