January 13, 2013
The car ate my glasses. It was pretty bad timing, I had just pulled up to the mall where I was hauling in the iPhone, the iPad, and the MacBook Pro to get them sorted out because they were not getting along with each other or iTunes – and were all yelling at me about it especially loud any time I tried to watch an iTunes TV show and also being uncooperative. So here I was after nine months of computer and iPad and iPhone abuse, with my little army of electronics and –
It was impossible how those glasses went missing. I’m sitting in the driver’s seat. With my glasses on top of my head. I take them off and link them in my shirt collar. I get out of the car. No glasses.
I search the purse, did I stick them in there just not paying attention?
I search the computer bag? Ditto. Floor boards. Nothing. Between the seats. Nothing. I look under the car, maybe they fell out and bounced when I got out of the car. Nothing. I move all the front seats, sure they slipped under seat or something. Nothing!
I’m getting worried. My appointment is coming up fast and I am seriously far sighted. I can tell you what a street sign says ten blocks away. But I can’t read a text on the cell phone in front of my face. How am I going to walk into the Apple Store and do all this computer stuff if I can’t see?
I walk to the mall. Smoke a cig and ponder. Surely the glasses have to be there. Back to the car. Search again. Nothing!
Now it’s too late to look any more, I have to go into the Apple Store or cancel. I am not leaving until these computers are fixed so I trudge into the store.
It goes okay. I explain to the Apple guy the car ate my glasses. He thinks that is hilarious. And I type touch, so I can enter my password repeatedly in spite of being blind. When I really need to see something I just back up and hold everything at arm’s length. The computer guy thinks this is as hilarious as the car eating my glasses. He’s a really good sport too and works with me to get all my computer and phone and iPad issues sorted so two hours later I am pretty happy as I trudge back to the car, stash my troublesome electronics, crawl into the driver’s seat and pull my seatbelt on.
My glasses hit me in the chest.
That damn seat belt snaked those glasses off my collar and retracted with them into the seat belt alcove.
Well played, Car, well played.
October 23, 2008
I can read a street sign fifty blocks away. Close up, I cannot read the directions on a box of Thanksgiving stuffing.
I only pull out my glasses in public in restaurants. To read the menu.
I was with a man the other night at a restaurant. I pulled out my glasses. He said, “That is your sexy Palin look.”
I said, What?
And not in a nice way.
He said, It is a compliment. Lots of guys think she is hot.
To me rock stupid is not hot.