the owls are back

November 11, 2015


night owlThe owls are back.

The owls spend time on this enormous tower by my apartment building.

That tower is over four stories tall.

I do not know what the purpose of that tower is. Sometimes mysterious workmen come out to work on things in electric panels at the tower’s base at night. That is always odd to me. Workmen at night. Like real night. 2 AM and 3 AM real night.



I think that tower is the owls’ winter vacation residence. The owls were here when I moved in last year right at the end of November and were still here through December. Then the owls went away.



It is November again and the owls are back.

History suggests “winter home.”

I wonder where their summer home is?



Before tonight I had never seen one of the owls. I would hear them. They call out their “who” calls late at night after the sun is long gone and their call echoes for miles – or at least sounds like miles to me on my balcony hearing their calls echo out.



Tonight I saw one of the owls. The owl was in silhouette, just a dark bird with a real long wing span coasting away against the night’s darkness.

That is one seriously big owl. I spent some formative years in the country. I know a long wing span when I see one. This owl has a wing span bigger than any hawk – and I have seen some pretty big hawks – I have ever seen. Bigger than a falcon and I have seen some pretty big falcons too.

That owl has vulture wingspan. Like the big vultures, the huge ones, that are bigger than eagles and when they spread their wings, their wing span is wider than I am tall.



I have never seen an owl that big before. But there he is. With his partner. Wintering atop the four story mystery tower next to my building.

He could so beat me arm wrestling.

Maybe I better put on a little weight.


couch surfing gecko!

October 13, 2015


couch surfing gecko!


I have this new roommate. The Gecko. He is small. He does not pay rent. I think he is couch surfing.



The first time I saw the gecko I was very worried about the gecko. What if the gecko wandered under the couch and became confused and disoriented and dehydrated?

[This is foolish thinking it is a very modern couch with no flounce that might disorient a gecko.]



A few days after the gecko moved in the gecko dodged onto the balcony when I opened the balcony door to go smoke.

[I was going to smoke. I am not sure about the gecko.]

I encouraged the gecko to flee and be free.

The gecko would have none of it.

A day later there was the gecko and the gecko dodged back in.



The gecko has been couch surfing here a month. It works out. The gecko dodges in and out when the gecko wants.



The gecko never comes in the bedroom. I do not think the gecko likes carpeting.

The gecko likes the office and the wall by Marilyn.



You totally want to see the gecko closeup don’t you?

[I knew it you are gecko fans already.]


gecko closeup!


*Shut up, it’s an iPhone, what do you want, gecko leg stubble?


Contrary to popular myth, I do leave the house. [Okay not often dammit but I do and also here is living proof I have been seen in sunlight and on the water yay!]


This is the great pirate boat extravanza pictorial.

Carly, Jen and I on the pirate boat yay! [Yes, that is sunlight and water, begone, vampyre myths yay!]

Carly, Jen and I on the pirate boat yay! [Yes, that is sunlight and water, begone, vampyre myths yay!]

There was attitude.

There was attitude.

There was party bus carousing.

There was party bus carousing.

Also, party bus gynmastics!

Also, party bus gynmastics!

And party bus eye candy yay!

And party bus eye candy yay!

Captain Bob was at the helm.

Captain Bob was at the helm.

Captain Bob's sidekick did the heavy lifting.

Captain Bob’s sidekick did the heavy lifting.

It is shocking how many people walked the plank. Seriously. You'd think that's what they were there for.

It is shocking how many people walked the plank. Seriously. You’d think that’s what they were there for.

Also I have to insert this photo of Kelly because she's so bubbly, it's easy to forget how shockingly pretty she also is in repose.

Also I have to insert this photo of Kelly because she’s so bubbly, it’s easy to forget how shockingly pretty she also is in repose.

We also had some very awry selfies which I am only going to post one of oops.

We also had some very awry selfies which I am only going to post one of oops. Neihehehehhe! (Shut up!)

Screen shot 2015-05-25 at 10.15.14 PM

That’s Austin. A lot of Texas is underwater. I’m not. [Knock wood.] The old apartment is. Wow I kicked and screamed about that move but now it looks like the timing was really good for that move.

photo day!

February 7, 2015

max and pumpkin on the way to the bat bridge

I really love this photo — despite the fact, looking at it now, it is clear I need to burn those pants.

That is me and Pumpkin walking through Austin to the Bat Bridge.

Photo by :::Chesher:::



couch potato austin

January 25, 2015


Screen shot 2015-01-25 at 10.23.05 PM

This is totally overdue, Couch Potato Austin has kept me up and running and alive while I was recovering from an injury and Couch Potato Austin rocks so I should give them a shout out.

Here it is. Shout Out! Couch Potato Austin! Yay!

Part of me is hesitant to do that because, you know, if you unwashed masses start using MY awesome delivery service, you might overwhelm Couch Potato Austin and then Couch Potato could not deliver to me. Also, you might go all crazy and start ordering my cigarettes so then when I order they are out and no cigarettes for me! Ahhh!

[Not really, I figure most of you are too cheap to order my cigarettes.]

But, I adhere to the philosophy the universe is big and full of so much goodness there just is enough for everybody and I don’t have to hog Couch Potato Austin for it to keep being awesome.

[Whew! Lucky for you that is my philosophy or I would totally not be sharing Couch Potato Austin with you.]


*Okay, “alive” might be an overstatement, I probably would have lived AND recovered without cigs and ice cream — or not, it really wouldn’t have been smart to walk far and I definitely wasn’t driving and I was out of cigs hmmm — but happy. Definitely happy. And to me, happy counts. Yay!

*Other people who get a shout out for getting me through the housebound Christmas injury too: Sparkle Hayter sent me Christmas cookies, yay! Jared Thomas sent Christmas chocolate, yay! Kym Kemp sent the coolest Christmas shirt in the verse. Yay!

Yez, the irony of the statement “serenity” “battles” is not lost on me. Work with me here….

We have living room and we have kitchen, yay!


Also, a Christmas tree, yay!


There was bathroom — okay the bathroom was the first clear room in the place — but the great closet rail collapse of 2014 took that out because for the moment… all the shoes are living in the bathroom. Oops.

The office is still in pretty exciting disarray.  That is not going to be fixable till nice men bring the new desk legs.  [Um, yez, I said new desk legs.]

The bedroom is almost all put together except for a missing piece of furniture currently living in the office till, um, new desk legs.  Also, quite a few clothes are hiding out in the bedroom right now.  [Closet rail catastrophe refugees.]

But so far, so good.  Kitchen!  Living Room!  Christmas Tree!  Yay!

When I get places put together people look at them and say, Max, that looks very simple I do not know what you have been carrying on about that looks easy.


Let me remind you, sports fans, how this started out:


Doesn’t look so easy now, does it?

Come on closet rail and desk legs!  Yay!




from the file "moving convo's with friends


November 18, 2014



Movers are booked. Copious packing supplies have arrived. Paperwork is in works. This is about the time to totally stress out about the move but to my chagrin I discover the cigarette and alcohol stockpiles are way too low for a proper stress out.

This must be corrected immediately.


PS: I told you the blog was shut down for the move right? I totally lied. I am way too stressed to not blog.


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