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That’s Austin. A lot of Texas is underwater. I’m not. [Knock wood.] The old apartment is. Wow I kicked and screamed about that move but now it looks like the timing was really good for that move.

photo day!

February 7, 2015

max and pumpkin on the way to the bat bridge

I really love this photo — despite the fact, looking at it now, it is clear I need to burn those pants.

That is me and Pumpkin walking through Austin to the Bat Bridge.

Photo by :::Chesher:::



couch potato austin

January 25, 2015


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This is totally overdue, Couch Potato Austin has kept me up and running and alive while I was recovering from an injury and Couch Potato Austin rocks so I should give them a shout out.

Here it is. Shout Out! Couch Potato Austin! Yay!

Part of me is hesitant to do that because, you know, if you unwashed masses start using MY awesome delivery service, you might overwhelm Couch Potato Austin and then Couch Potato could not deliver to me. Also, you might go all crazy and start ordering my cigarettes so then when I order they are out and no cigarettes for me! Ahhh!

[Not really, I figure most of you are too cheap to order my cigarettes.]

But, I adhere to the philosophy the universe is big and full of so much goodness there just is enough for everybody and I don’t have to hog Couch Potato Austin for it to keep being awesome.

[Whew! Lucky for you that is my philosophy or I would totally not be sharing Couch Potato Austin with you.]


*Okay, “alive” might be an overstatement, I probably would have lived AND recovered without cigs and ice cream — or not, it really wouldn’t have been smart to walk far and I definitely wasn’t driving and I was out of cigs hmmm — but happy. Definitely happy. And to me, happy counts. Yay!

*Other people who get a shout out for getting me through the housebound Christmas injury too: Sparkle Hayter sent me Christmas cookies, yay! Jared Thomas sent Christmas chocolate, yay! Kym Kemp sent the coolest Christmas shirt in the verse. Yay!

Yez, the irony of the statement “serenity” “battles” is not lost on me. Work with me here….

We have living room and we have kitchen, yay!


Also, a Christmas tree, yay!


There was bathroom — okay the bathroom was the first clear room in the place — but the great closet rail collapse of 2014 took that out because for the moment… all the shoes are living in the bathroom. Oops.

The office is still in pretty exciting disarray.  That is not going to be fixable till nice men bring the new desk legs.  [Um, yez, I said new desk legs.]

The bedroom is almost all put together except for a missing piece of furniture currently living in the office till, um, new desk legs.  Also, quite a few clothes are hiding out in the bedroom right now.  [Closet rail catastrophe refugees.]

But so far, so good.  Kitchen!  Living Room!  Christmas Tree!  Yay!

When I get places put together people look at them and say, Max, that looks very simple I do not know what you have been carrying on about that looks easy.


Let me remind you, sports fans, how this started out:


Doesn’t look so easy now, does it?

Come on closet rail and desk legs!  Yay!




from the file "moving convo's with friends


November 18, 2014



Movers are booked. Copious packing supplies have arrived. Paperwork is in works. This is about the time to totally stress out about the move but to my chagrin I discover the cigarette and alcohol stockpiles are way too low for a proper stress out.

This must be corrected immediately.


PS: I told you the blog was shut down for the move right? I totally lied. I am way too stressed to not blog.


closed for move frenzy

November 14, 2014



Closed for move frenzy.

See you on the other side of December.



just say no to faux wood

November 10, 2014


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Apparently this is a thing in Austin.

Plastic fake wood flooring.

[It is really gross.]



Flash Back: My ex and I are looking for a microwave.

He keeps saying, What about this one?

[He’s a guy, he’s looking for bells and whistles.]

I keep saying, No! Faux Wood! No No No Ahhh!

[A lot of microwave manufacturers at the time thought it was cool to paint metal microwaves with some sort of freakish fake wood grain.]

[It was so gross.]



After the microwave gauntlet, I overheard my ex one time talking to a salesman and I sort of fell in love with him all over again when he said, “No, it is faux wood.”

[There are some rough things I can say sometimes about my ex but that “faux wood” thing? He did not care a bit about faux wood but he knew I did so faux wood was out and he did not even know I was listening. That is a moment I will always love him for.]



I totally love my broker too because after our faux wood conversation she started getting on the phone to people saying, fiercly, “Faux wood?”

I could kind of hear the pause and “Huh?” on the other side of the line.

She’d snap, “Wood laminate.”

Then I’d kind of hear the “Oh” on the other side of the line.

We haven’t been to a place with faux wood since.




Really hating faux wood knocks 90% of the buildings we might have looked at out of the running.

That is okay with me. Hello! Streamlined house hunt. Yay!

Also panic mode has subsided some we have seen a couple places I actually think I could live in now.

Cross fingers. Light candles.


PS: I’m totally telling you my broker’s name and contact info after I sign a new lease. Before that not so much… you’d totally steal my hot new apartment leads, right? Yeah, I thought so. Skeevy dogs.




november move

November 4, 2014



November is move month.

I have already terrorized myself packing everything in the apartment mentally over and over and over again.

I don’t even have boxes yet.

I don’t even have a new apartment yet.

And I’ve already moved a hundred times in my head.

This is the problem with a vivid imagination.  When something is coming, you have already done it a thousand times before it hits.

And you still have to do it for real.

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