books ah you bastards!

September 4, 2015


I went into a used book store once trying to sell off used books.

I was about to interstate move.

Books are heavy.

The store bought a ton of those books but the weird thing was, the girl at the counter asked me to tell her about the books, so I did, book by book, and then she said,

“Wait, have you read all these books?”

It is kind of weird to me anyone who works in a book store wouldn’t assume someone selling a used book has read the book.


I’m trying to give away books now. Books are heavy. They take up space. I can get them all on the iPad which is not heavy and does not take up space.

Here’s the problem.


All these damn books are signed.

I can’t give those away or sell them.



I was invited to a party. It sounded fun. There would be wine. There would be socializing.

I don’t get out much. Wine and socializing works for me.

It was a product party. That was a surprise. But —

I am okay with that. I just thought it would be –

Products I actually am interested in.



Me, I’m mostly interested in skin products. AKA Lotions. You can seriously sell me on lotions. Not creepy girl in a well lotions. But, you know, face stuff? That totally works for me.



That’s not what this party was about.



The party had at one time in the past been about lotions. The woman giving the speech regularly said, Hey you all were here at the lotions talk so let’s not bore you by repeating that again.

Um, I wasn’t at the lotion talk, I wouldn’t be bored by hearing that “again.”



This meeting was, so it would not bore me, all about a four week cleansing binge.

We are talking an hour long talk from a woman reading points off a hand out about a four week cleansing binge.



People got chocolate treats for asking questions.

Not apparently for asking skin lotion questions though. I asked five of those and never got a damn chocolate.


A pregnant woman was there asking how she could cleanse binge.

A big discussion broke out on what she could eat or not eat and how she could cleanse binge.



This was like the apocalypse to me.



Where I come from, pregnant women eat and do whatever the fuck they want. That’s like the only joy pregnant women get. They can be tyrants.



In this new world order, pregnant women binge and not in a fun way and can’t even use moisturizer without a doctor’s consent.




I am NEVER EVER getting pregnant.






There are stories about blind men in rooms who can’t get out because they can’t see the door. The stories have morals. Like maybe the reason you can’t find the answer is not because there is no answer, it’s because you are looking at the problem the wrong way.



The tonsu has feet that got packed in the wrong place and I could not find them right off after the move and ever since, for months, every time I look at the tonsu, I think, I must find those feet, where could they be?



The feet are not original tonsu feet. They are interesting oversized bolts I found that looked really interesting on the tonsu. I won’t drill them into the tonsu, the tonsu is from like circa 1700 and I won’t put drills in it. So the legs attach to the tonsu with earthquake putty and go in a little bag every time I move. And this move? I couldn’t find the legs after the move.



This is all worsened because the tonsu is sitting against a wall with a lot of wire outlets that, if the tonsu does not have feet? Are visible just above the top of the tonsu. So now, since I moved in around, Oh, DECEMBER LAST YEAR AHHH! I have been seeing the tonsu with no legs and with wire outlets peeping out over the top forever thinking, maybe I should dig through one more tool chest to see if I can find the tonsu’s legs.



Out of the blue one night, I got all rambunctious and not blind-man-in-the-room and it occurred to me, I could just buy the tonsu new legs. Holy crap, that would solve the whole issue!



There is the tonsu. It has new legs. They are pretty and match up and look you can’t see a single wire poking out of a wall above the tonsu.



I wish I spent less time in the room with the blind man.


memes are fun

August 18, 2015





The other day I was in yoga and thinking I should do better intentions than I usually do. At the beginning of every yoga session we do an intention and breath it in and breath it out and “make it so.” And I said, “connection.”

I say a lot of things in intentions but I thought this time it would be smart and good to do something a bit more yogi, so went with that.

The immediate response to that intention was the most clueless difficult internet client ever immediately emailed me and a guy on facebook made fun of a photo of me.

That’s kind of not the “connection” I was thinking about. But it is totally “connection.”

I think I need to think harder in advance about what my yoga intention is. And then, when it comes in? Because it totally will, though not in the way I am always expecting it? I need to accept it. I asked for it. I should on some level work with it. Though this time I think I just go smacked for trying to kiss ass instead of being authentic.

Dear Yoga Gods: I apologize.


Contrary to popular myth, I do leave the house. [Okay not often dammit but I do and also here is living proof I have been seen in sunlight and on the water yay!]


This is the great pirate boat extravanza pictorial.

Carly, Jen and I on the pirate boat yay! [Yes, that is sunlight and water, begone, vampyre myths yay!]

Carly, Jen and I on the pirate boat yay! [Yes, that is sunlight and water, begone, vampyre myths yay!]

There was attitude.

There was attitude.

There was party bus carousing.

There was party bus carousing.

Also, party bus gynmastics!

Also, party bus gynmastics!

And party bus eye candy yay!

And party bus eye candy yay!

Captain Bob was at the helm.

Captain Bob was at the helm.

Captain Bob's sidekick did the heavy lifting.

Captain Bob’s sidekick did the heavy lifting.

It is shocking how many people walked the plank. Seriously. You'd think that's what they were there for.

It is shocking how many people walked the plank. Seriously. You’d think that’s what they were there for.

Also I have to insert this photo of Kelly because she's so bubbly, it's easy to forget how shockingly pretty she also is in repose.

Also I have to insert this photo of Kelly because she’s so bubbly, it’s easy to forget how shockingly pretty she also is in repose.

We also had some very awry selfies which I am only going to post one of oops.

We also had some very awry selfies which I am only going to post one of oops. Neihehehehhe! (Shut up!)


August 14, 2015

No love for the chair? Seriously? Oh you bastards. Do I not sweat? Do I not bleed?

Do you not know what went into the new chair seat?

Let’s look at it another way. Before. And After.

That’s right dammit.



Also I put the new chair casters on today.
The old casters were trashed. The new casters roll. Yay!

The. Chair. Is. Done.


August 4, 2015



Yes, I have finished the new chair seat. Yay!


the great chair project

July 26, 2015

After a year of watching my poor chair slide into decrepitude — I am abusive to work chairs and it was true decrepitude, I could not sit in that office chair anymore without physical pain and also had to place witty throws on the chair when guests came over to camouflage the tragedy — and contacting the company that made the chair Zuo Modern Furniture asking for a way to purchase a new chair seat over and over and over again, I gave up. Not on the chair. On the company.

There were two choices left. Buy the chair new all over again. Which I am so opposed to. Or fix the chair.


Here’s my pretty chair starting out.


I do not know how other people take on these projects, but I like to leave myself markers and directions. [BETTER directions than Ikea has ever sent me in this lifetime, BTW, God Dammit, Ikea, you need better directions!] Like, um, postits. Yay!


Right, left, these will be important details later.


Also once you have taken the poor chair apart, if you want to put it back together again, I have this thing about a post it to remind myself which end is the back. [If you have never tried to put something together and done it backwards, well you have never been working off Ikea directions or you just did not have Max Adams sassy pink post it helpers. Bummer for you.]


Tragically now that is all that is really left of my pretty chair. Ahhh!


After the arms are gone, taking that baby apart, oh nos!


It’s just you and me, Baby. Say good-bye to those legs.


Ahh, no legs! But look at the pretty canvas base!


Oops, pretty canvas base gone!


What other horrible indignities will I inflict on this chair?


Okay pretty big ones. Look at me exposing that foam.


Ah! And now wood!

Really it all came down though to needing to know how they layered that damn foam.

Got it.

Also I have to sew a new leather cover.

New chair base to come.



*Also screw you Zuo Modern Furniture peeps that made me put together fifty documents and photos every time I called in wanting a new chair base and went radio silent every time. SIX. TIMES. I hate that I love your chair so much I am going to save it anyway.


good travels, sol

July 26, 2015


david and sol feldthouse

From left to right, brothers David Feldthouse & Sol Feldthouse performing.


My cousin Sol left us on July 24th, 2015.

It will be a sadder world for the lack of him.

Good travels wherever your next journey takes you Sol.

I love you.


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