I am so tired of stories about serial killers. And about murders. And about murderers. And about cops hunting serial killers and murderers. And about lawyers trying murderers and proving murderers murdered people. And about terrorists. And about kidnappers. And about death and people hunting other people and people who kill other people and just — I am wrung out by and exhausted by murder as entertainment.

So I’ve been watching other things.

News Radio. Black Books. Beginners. Chalet Girl. About A Boy.

A lot of the time when I am working I have something playing background while I work so it does not matter that I have seen it before. It is keeping me company. And I cannot fall asleep alone in total silence. The shows keep me company then too.

Tonight I thought, Wow, I really need a list of shows and movies that are not about people killing people.

So that’s the start of my list. News Radio. Black Books. Beginners. About A Boy. Also The Station Agent and Wristcutters, A Love Story. Though people could argue there is death in there some places, it isn’t murder.

Feel free to add to my list in comments.

 

and the winner is —

November 9, 2015

This is totally my favorite photo from all of AFF. Oh the horror! Oh the consternation! Oh nos!

 

Max oh nos!

seemaxrun.com

So for no reason other than sometime around 2 AM the other night I didn’t feel like reading one more script I went on a rampage and took apart seemaxrun and rebuilt it. I think it’s pretty — of course I like lots of white. It’s not done yet, either, but the bones are there. What do you think? http://seemaxrun.com

Screen shot 2015-05-25 at 10.15.14 PM


That’s Austin. A lot of Texas is underwater. I’m not. [Knock wood.] The old apartment is. Wow I kicked and screamed about that move but now it looks like the timing was really good for that move.

 

Dinosaur Tea Party

Dinosaur Tea Party

 

This is brilliant, and as most brilliant things are, simple.  It’s from Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess.  Who has thrown me into a dizzying spin of blog name envy right there but anyway —

 

Consent: Not Actually That Complicated

~ Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess

It seems a lot of people really, REALLY don’t get what ‘consent’  means. From the famous “not everybody needs to be asked prior to each insertion” to the student that (allegedly) thought he’d surprise his partner with some non consensual BDSM to that fucking song to almost every damn comment on any article by anyone that suggests that yes means yes; it seems people really have a problem understanding that before you have sex with someone, and that’s every time you have sex with them, make sure they want to have sex with you. This goes for men, women, everyone. Whoever you are initiating sexytimes with, just make sure they are actually genuinely up for it. That’s it. It’s not hard. Really.

If you’re still struggling, just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go “omg fuck yes, I would fucking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!*” then you know they want a cup of tea.

If you say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they um and ahh and say, “I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don’t drink it then – this is the important bit –  don’t make them drink it. You can’t blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off-chance they wanted it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.

If they say “No thank you” then don’t make them tea. At all. Don’t make them tea, don’t make them drink tea, don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, ok?

They might say “Yes please, that’s kind of you” and then when the tea arrives they actually don’t want the tea at all. Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want tea, now they don’t. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And it’s ok for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it even though you went to the trouble of making it.

If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and can’t answer the question “do you want tea” because they are unconscious.

Ok, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes, but in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, and  – this is the important bit – don’t make them drink the tea. They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don’t want tea.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before they’d finished it, don’t keep on pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe.  Because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.

If someone said “yes” to tea around your  house last saturday, that doesn’t mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it going “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST WEEK”, or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat going “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST NIGHT”.


:::READ MORE:::

 


PS: That is my official International Women’s Day post.  But wait!, you say, you want more International Women’s Day goodness. Glutton for punishment, eh?  Okay, hit these babies:

•SERIOUSLY?
•BUT WOULD YOU WANT TO FUCK HER?
•4 GOOD REASONS FOR A MAN TO HIT A WOMAN
•HERE IS SOME PRETTY NAIL POLISH, GIRLS
•NOT YOUR MOM’S SOAP BUBBLES
•THANK YOU IO9 YOU MISOGYNISTIC FUCKTARDS
•10 RAPE PREVENTION TIPS

 

 

dmv frenzy!

February 12, 2015



legs_birthday_thursday



Wednesday I went to the Texas DMV.

[Actually in Texas it is called “Public Safety.” Interesting.]

I think the woman at the Texas DMV was a little worried about me.

She explained what buttons to push on the machine I could not outsmart.

She pointed out the forms I needed, which were directly behind me that I had walked past, lost, three times.

She came and corralled me out of the autistic area [I did not know DMV’s had autistic areas] even though by that point she probably thought I totally belonged there.

AND got me a clipboard since it hadn’t occurred to me I’d need one what with the autistic area having nice little tables and all.

[It was a Men In Black moment! Quit it!]





Thank you, Nice Texas DMV Lady. You are the only reason I am a licensed Texas driver today.





[Texans may not thank you for this later.]



a few bad apples

January 8, 2015

 

poison_apple

 

In 1988, the Ayatollah Khomeini put a price on author Salmon Rushdie’s head. Rushdie wasn’t wanted “dead or alive.” Khomeini wanted Rushdie dead. I don’t know what the original price tag was for one dead author, but as of 2013, the price on Rushdie’s head was over 3 million pounds.

The Ayatollah is gone. The prices on artists’ heads are not.

 


 

In 2004, Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was shot dead on a busy Amsterdam street. The first bullet took Theo off his bicycle. He tried to make it across the street. Theo’s murderer followed him on foot and shot him again. Then Theo’s murderer slashed Theo’s throat and stuck a letter to his chest with a knife. Theo was 47 years old. His crime was a short fiction film aired on Dutch public television depicting a Muslim woman’s difficulties in an arranged marriage.  

In 2005, Danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard’s drawing of Muhammad with a bomb in his turban put him on Islam’s hit list. There have been multiple attempts to murder Kurt. He lives in a home rivaling a Brinks security office and under police protection to this day.  

Also in 2005, Danish publication Jyllands-Posten’s former editors Carsten Juste and Flemming Rose made the hit list – for publishing Westergaard’s drawing.  

In 2006, Swedish artist Lars Vilks made Islam’s hit list. He, like Rushdie and Wetergaard, is still alive. He sleeps with an axe by his bed.  

In 2010, South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker received death threats for their depiction of Muhammad in a bear suit in their animated cartoon. They were assured they too were on the road to Theo van Gogh’s fate. A photo of Theo with his throat slit and a knife in his chest was attached just to make things festive. The South Park guys are still breathing. Probably because stations caved and censored a lot of the episode.  

In 2010, in response to the South Park threats, Seattle artist Molly Norris, who worked for a Seattle paper, publicly suggested an “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day.” Molly received so may death threats she quit her job, fled Seattle, and changed her name. As far as I know, she’s still in FBI protective custody.  

In 2011, the Paris offices of satirical French magazine Charlie Hebdo were firebombed, forcing the publication to move after its offices were destroyed. Editor Stephane Charbonnier, you guessed it, was on Islam’s hit list. Had been for a while, fending off litigation and death threats. Charlie Hebdo’s crime? A few satirical and not particularly tasteful cartoons featuring Muhammad.  

Apparently Muhammad seriously does not have a sense of humor because In 2015, armed men stormed Charlie Hebdo’s new Paris offices with automatic weapons and shot Stephane Charbonnier and 11 other people dead.

 


 

There is now an Al Queada Most Wanted poster being passed around the internet showing Charbonnier’s face struck out in red.

 


Think about that. These murderers, these serial murderers, don’t just keep little photos of their victims to themselves they can cross your face off of. They put your photo on the fucking internet. With a big red X through it.

THAT is fucking blaspheme.

 


 

The above is the short list. There are more.

And that’s a long time span.

17 years. For 17 years, artists, filmmakers, satirists, journalists, comics, authors, editors, gallery owners have been threatened, attacked, murdered in the name of defending the honor of a man who heard voices in a cave and has been dead for 1500 years. In Switzerland. Sweden. The US. France. Denmark. All over the fucking globe, artists are targeted, intimidated, threatened, and murdered.

 


 

A few bad apples, I am told. Most of Islam is not like that, I am told. Most Muslims are just nice people trying to go about their daily lives, I am told.

 


 

You know what a few bad apples are? The Unibomber. He was a bad apple, with a couple buddy bad apples.

This is a fucking orchard.

 


 

It’s time to burn that orchard down.

 


The Silencing of Theo van Gogh
FBI Warns Seattle Cartoonist About Threats
Salman Rushdie bounty increased amid anti-Islam film controversy
Al-Qaida’s ‘dead artist club’
Charlie Hebdo editor Stephane Charbonnier crossed off chilling al-Qaeda hitlist
Swedish Police Hide Threatened Cartoonist
Seattle Cartoonist in Hiding After Death Threats
The Danish Cartoonist Who Survived An Axe Attack
Jihad Against Danish Newspaper
South Park censored after threat of fatwa over Muhammad episode
France manhunt: Police raid homes, arrest several suspects after Charlie Hebdo massacre
Paris Killers Got Wrong Door Before ‘Decapitating’ Magazine
Satirical Magazine Is Firebombed in Paris

 

damages

December 31, 2014

 

max_damage
I took a dance class once where the admission form asked you to list past physical injuries.  I told the instructor it would be a lot less time consuming to list what hadn’t been injured.  Or, you know, just use a highlighter?

 

I don’t want to challenge Fate here, anytime it even might look like there could be a rumor of me challenging Fate, Fate leaps into the breach and yells, “Challenge accepted!”

 

 

[Dear Fate, please stop doing that, this is not a challenge, you always win, you and I know that, quit it.  Ahhh!]

 

I wiped the right side of my rib cage off the non-injury list a couple weeks ago. I think what I have left now is, erm, clavicle, and right elbow.

ursula k. le guin like a boss

December 29, 2014

This is a wonderful address from Ursula K. Le Guin (The Left Hand of Darkness) accepting the National Book Foundation’s Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters at the 65th National Book Awards on November 19, 2014.  Watch.  Listen.  Learn.

 

 

 

 

storage_records

 

I have boxes of documents. I mean, boxes. And more boxes. And more boxes. I have been paying storage or making storage everywhere I go, for years, to accommodate these boxes.

 

The documents are important. Contracts, quotes, tax records, clips — they are important.  But —

 

I keep carrying these damn boxes of records around and I.  Just. Don’t. Want. All. These. Boxes.

 


A friend of mind, a lawyer, spent a year using all his spare time to scan documents. I know why he did it. He was clearing the boxes.

 

I think, Oh sure, that’s a good idea, but can I really face scanning —

 

ALL. THESE. DOCUMENTS?

 


[Oh fuck no.]

 


Then I remind myself I am just one small enterprise and he had an entire legal practice he was scanning, maybe I shouldn’t be such a baby.

 

Then I remind myself, one big hard drive mix up and they’d all go poof – or, you know, one EMP?

 


[Wait, an EMP might take the IRS out too though, making tax docs an unnecessary thing of the past ooh la la.  Oops.  Sorry, IRS, I am just not your biggest fan.]
 

 

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