hands of blue
April 11, 2018
Me staring in bathroom cupboard searching for cleaning products because the shower stall floor is looking not sparkley white and, to be truthful, a little hinky (Austin water is strange and not to be trusted, things water-esque in Austin turn orange if you do not stay on top of them):
Oops, all out of hinky-shower-type cleaning products, but look! A new bottle of Lysol toilet cleaning stuff yay!
I have not actually used this on a toilet yet, I just got it because the store was out of what I usually use on the toilet, but hey —
Surely, if it can clean a toilet bowl, it can clean a shower too, right?
I sluce blue Lysol goo about on the shower stall floor. The goo is a really arresting shade of blue. No worries. It does not stain toilets, right? As long as I don’t get any on my white shirt or the white bath mat all should be well.
I let it sit a bit. Then I scrub it around a bit. Just to be sure.
I don’t wear gloves. This, after all, is not a toilet bowl teaming with horrifying germ deposits from unspeakable elements that enter toilet bowls. This is the floor of a shower stall. How germy could it be?
(Shut up, not that germy, it’s a shower!)
I rinse the shower stall — using an overpriced shower sprayer thingy attachment that is very pretty but was still over priced but still is very handy for this task as long as I don’t accidentally splash blue goo onto the white bath mat or my white shirt.
I don’t.
Hooray!
The shower stall floor is lovely. So clean! So sparkley!
Then I try to rinse off my hand.
The hand I swirled and scrubbed the blue goo about with.
Who knew Lysol blue goo seriously stains organic materials? Organic materilals like, um, Max hands? Well not me, until, um, now.
Love and Kisses,
Your Hands of Blue Adams Girl
PS: If you see a short blonde about in Austin wearing gloves for no apparent reason, do not point and laugh. Damn you.
how not to sexually harass a woman
January 27, 2018
I love this like a shark loves blood:
savvy dogs!
January 14, 2018
Dogs in my building —
Are savvy. It’s very windy, sort of cold, most people taking the dogs out just want the dogs to go pee and to dash back inside. The dogs don’t mind the wind and cold, though. The dogs kind of like it and want to hang out outside longer. So the dogs hold it. Wander here, wander there, sniff this, sniff that. The owner will be hopping up and down rubbing hands together to stay warm saying, Hurry up! And the dog will just cock an ear at the owner, one brow raised, Like, Oh really? I think not… I think it’s nice, I think we’re going to hang out here just a bit longer.
Dear NASA
August 8, 2017
So I saw this application to a NASA position from Jack Davis [age 9]:
I immedately knew 2 things:
1: NASA was in trouble if it was considering job applications from 9 year olds.
2: I needed to follow Jack Davis’s lead writing to NASA applying for the planetary protection officer job, [eat my dust, Jack!]
NOT GATHERING ANY DUST [I AM A DUST FREE ZONE, TAKE NOTE, NASA]
I hit that right off. Yay!
August 8, 2017
Dear NASA:
My name is Max Adams and I would like to apply for the Planetary Protection Officer position.
I saw Jack Davis’s response to your job ad and immediately knew you needed my assistance here since you are receiving applications from nine year olds and clearly probably need someone with a driver’s license on your side.
I have a driver’s license! Yay!
[I am so fit for the job. Also, noo pesky bus schedules. Yay!]
I have also watched Agents of Shield. AND Men in Black. [Eat my dust, Jack Davis.]
Also, I know a lot about microbes. I was tasked with eradicating microbes at an early age by a bi-polar OCD germaphobc my loving and caring mother and know all sorts of Lysol tricks.
Who needs hazmat suits when you have Lysol? Yay!
I so look forward to your response and am packing my bags in anticipation.
Love and Kisses,
Your New Planetary Protection Officer,
AKA That Adams Girl
PS: I live in Texas and am location friendly. [Haha Jack!] I am female so can coach aliens on asshat second hand citizen Congress shenanigans. [Yay!] ALSO, I am tan challenged so will meld right in with aliens trapped on a space ship with no sun for years [I get it aliens, I spend all my time missing the sun too] AND can explain the difference between “space alien white” and “local citizen alien brown” to ICE agents. Just like the President! Yay!
PPS: Okay maybe I am giving the President too much credit, but I got this!
national super hero day redux
May 1, 2017
It appears a certain amount of trust has been lost here because you don’t believe my super [anti] hero doppelganger is Harley Quinn.
Okay, let’s try this again.
Super [Anti] Hero Doppelganger Harley Quinn yay!
Me yay! [I get to “yay!” me, shut up.]
*I don’t make this stuff up, I got a lot of email from friends asking when the fuck I started acting again when they saw Suicide Squad promos. What I really want to know though is if I can figure out a way to coerce Margot Robbie into doing all my personal appearances and photo shoots in the future because she’s way better at make up than me.
national super hero day!
April 28, 2017
So apparently the thing today is to post your super hero doppelganger.
Harley is totally a super hero right?
Of course she is.
Yay!
My #doppleganger on #nationalsuperheroday
summer ahoy!
April 26, 2017
I love this bathing suit. I’m pretty sure if I wear this bathing suit everyone will look at me oddly but I love it anyway.
Besides, everyone looks at me oddly anyway since I’m usually the only person in a one piece.
This is a two piece! I am so conforming!
Where I found that sassy suit: That’s on AliciaZenobia’s Etsy page and tragically at the moment is sold out.
nancy bilyeau reviews debris & detritus yay!
February 26, 2017
jayne cobb day!
February 14, 2017
I know most of you animals think this is a day about wine and roses but not for me.
Jayne Cobb Day Yay!
max mas!
February 12, 2017
This is my favorite birthday card.
It is not every day you get a handwritten card from the ever famous Towanda Yazcat. Yay!
See you animals on the other side. Smooch!
celluloid blonde 