#TheDress, modeled by Sauerkraut of the Central Oklahoma Humane Society

#TheDress, modeled by Sauerkraut of the Central Oklahoma Humane Society

 

insane awesomeness

February 25, 2015

 This is insanely awesome.  In 1982, three 11 year olds in Mississippi fell in lover with Raiders of the Lost Ark so they decided to remake it! Watch —

 


 

steve!

February 23, 2015


I may be laughing little too hard at this.




dmv frenzy!

February 12, 2015



legs_birthday_thursday



Wednesday I went to the Texas DMV.

[Actually in Texas it is called “Public Safety.” Interesting.]

I think the woman at the Texas DMV was a little worried about me.

She explained what buttons to push on the machine I could not outsmart.

She pointed out the forms I needed, which were directly behind me that I had walked past, lost, three times.

She came and corralled me out of the autistic area [I did not know DMV’s had autistic areas] even though by that point she probably thought I totally belonged there.

AND got me a clipboard since it hadn’t occurred to me I’d need one what with the autistic area having nice little tables and all.

[It was a Men In Black moment! Quit it!]





Thank you, Nice Texas DMV Lady. You are the only reason I am a licensed Texas driver today.





[Texans may not thank you for this later.]



that was helpful?

January 30, 2015

 

I’m always seeing posts online places like FaceBook along the lines of, “If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?”

People give deep insightful emotional words of encouragement.

People give little warnings about the future.

How come no one ever says something REALLY useful like, you know, “BUY STOCK IN MICROSOFT!”?

 


*I stand corrected, one other person did, yay, Sparkle!

 

 

I had this brilliant thought today. From now on when food shamers attack — wave gluten at them!

Yay! Yay! Yay!

I could see this clearly in my head. Me waving my little stalk o’ wheat at nefarious food shamers. Nefarious food shamers recoiling in horror like Kolchak vampires recoiling from a cross. There would be hissing. There would be clawing. Maybe some fang action, even maybe a little smoking skin action. It all seemed so perfect —

Then I remembered this Jimmy Kimmel clip:

 

 

It’s not going to be fun at all if food shamers don’t recoil away like a Kolchak vampire — and if I have to stop each time and explain it IS gluten I am waving at them AND explain what gluten is, well that is going to suck the joy right out of it.

 

moses and the big gulp cup

January 28, 2015

 

big-gulp

 

There’s this Big Gulp plastic cup lying on its side on the ground by a new fence in the green.

I look at it every day when I am on my balcony smoking a cig.

 



 

The fence is new. It went up a few days ago. Some construction guys came with wood and nail guns and wheelbarrows and equipment. They were good with nail guns, but not really with measuring there’s an open spot in the fence where they couldn’t fit a slat of pre-measured wood. But they put that fence up in a day. And they brought Big Gulps.

 



 

When the fence was finished, the construction guys packed up their tools and nail guns and wheel barrows and wood slats that didn’t exactly fit and left.

But they didn’t pack up that Big Gulp plastic cup.

 



 

There must be a union rule construction workers ascribe to about fast food wrappers and Big Gulp cups. Construction workers always come along with tools and materials and wheel barrows and ladders and sometimes fancy hats and goggles and even cranes. And build things. Then construction workers always pack up all their tools and wander off. And —

They always leave EVERY SINGLE BIG GULP CUP AND FAST FOOD WRAPPER BEHIND.

 



 

What is that, like one of the commandments on the tablet Moses broke on the mountain?

“Union Construction Workers Shalt Not Pick Up Their Big Gulp Cups”?

  

my sundance doppelganger

January 26, 2015

 

Over on Twitter @Variety posted a gallery thing and there’s this photo of this woman in there with no name [okay she has a name, Margot Robbie] and — she looks like me.

doppelganger_jan2015

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, usually I have duckface and am eating a hotdog in shots of me.

max_hollywood_hotdog_400

But she does look like me.

Damn you, @Variety, there can be only one!

 


 

[Unless she has a really spectacular expense account, that might be useful.]

[Also I really need to up my game and start looking all sultry instead of hungry for hot dogs in photos.]

[The above hotdog photo was taken by Chesh.]

 

 

rapunzel

January 25, 2015

 

rapunzel_bw

It’s been so long since I had anything resembling long hair, I forgot it gets tangles in it that have to be brushed out. Where do these tangles come from? What causes them? Does the hair just go on a tangling spree on its own? Does it have its own brain?

[Okay wait I know hair has its own brain, that is clear even with short hair. Maybe the hair is stealing my brain. Ahhhh!]

 


PS: It has not escaped my attention my second father on FB renamed that photo “BratPunzel.” I am pretty sure he was not referring to the photo either. :::grrr:::

 

glitter bomb!

January 14, 2015

 

glitter bomb!

 

Long into 2015 I have been pondering New Year’s resolutions.

I have finally hit on one.

I am going to carry glitter bombs with me everywhere and every time a person annoys me or pisses me off, I’m going to sparkle his or her ass.

Okay not specifically the ass.

Whatever is the biggest target in throwing range.

Yay!

 


Bonus Sparkle Points: I hear a lot of strippers wear sparkle stuff, so if someone is a total ass and I sparkle him?

Hello, big trouble at home when the wife thinks he got sparkled by a stripper.

Yay!

 

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