how to enjoy coleslaw

November 26, 2015


coleslawHow to enjoy coleslaw:

1. Throw coleslaw in trash.
2. Order fries.
3. Eat fries.


the owls are back

November 11, 2015


night owlThe owls are back.

The owls spend time on this enormous tower by my apartment building.

That tower is over four stories tall.

I do not know what the purpose of that tower is. Sometimes mysterious workmen come out to work on things in electric panels at the tower’s base at night. That is always odd to me. Workmen at night. Like real night. 2 AM and 3 AM real night.



I think that tower is the owls’ winter vacation residence. The owls were here when I moved in last year right at the end of November and were still here through December. Then the owls went away.



It is November again and the owls are back.

History suggests “winter home.”

I wonder where their summer home is?



Before tonight I had never seen one of the owls. I would hear them. They call out their “who” calls late at night after the sun is long gone and their call echoes for miles – or at least sounds like miles to me on my balcony hearing their calls echo out.



Tonight I saw one of the owls. The owl was in silhouette, just a dark bird with a real long wing span coasting away against the night’s darkness.

That is one seriously big owl. I spent some formative years in the country. I know a long wing span when I see one. This owl has a wing span bigger than any hawk – and I have seen some pretty big hawks – I have ever seen. Bigger than a falcon and I have seen some pretty big falcons too.

That owl has vulture wingspan. Like the big vultures, the huge ones, that are bigger than eagles and when they spread their wings, their wing span is wider than I am tall.



I have never seen an owl that big before. But there he is. With his partner. Wintering atop the four story mystery tower next to my building.

He could so beat me arm wrestling.

Maybe I better put on a little weight.


and the winner is —

November 9, 2015

This is totally my favorite photo from all of AFF. Oh the horror! Oh the consternation! Oh nos!


Max oh nos!

justin trudeau paper doll!

November 5, 2015

This is too many kinds of awesome not to share.

Dear Internetz: You’re welcome.

justin trudeau paper doll!

:::click it:::

:::you know you want to:::

(not the leaf, you pervos, the picture, jeez!)

max action figure!

October 16, 2015


OMG! I so have to do this: :::CUSTOM ACTION FIGURE:::

Look at some of these outfits!

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This is too awesome I must do this.


Okay I know you are feeling robbed because you came over here to see a Max Action Figure and no Max Action Figure, right?

I will use my uncanny graphics skillz to mock up a Max Action Figure just for you.



I would make an awesome action figure! The doll’s body and my face yay!

That is all.



couch surfing gecko!

October 13, 2015


couch surfing gecko!


I have this new roommate. The Gecko. He is small. He does not pay rent. I think he is couch surfing.



The first time I saw the gecko I was very worried about the gecko. What if the gecko wandered under the couch and became confused and disoriented and dehydrated?

[This is foolish thinking it is a very modern couch with no flounce that might disorient a gecko.]



A few days after the gecko moved in the gecko dodged onto the balcony when I opened the balcony door to go smoke.

[I was going to smoke. I am not sure about the gecko.]

I encouraged the gecko to flee and be free.

The gecko would have none of it.

A day later there was the gecko and the gecko dodged back in.



The gecko has been couch surfing here a month. It works out. The gecko dodges in and out when the gecko wants.



The gecko never comes in the bedroom. I do not think the gecko likes carpeting.

The gecko likes the office and the wall by Marilyn.



You totally want to see the gecko closeup don’t you?

[I knew it you are gecko fans already.]


gecko closeup!


*Shut up, it’s an iPhone, what do you want, gecko leg stubble?


closet frenzy

October 6, 2015


It seems like after all the work I did clearing out the closet it should look neater than this. Hmm.




Also word on the street is the world is ending tomorrow in which case I am going to be really mad I spent days cleaning out and organizing that closet. :::grrr:::


baseball cap dementia

October 4, 2015


baseball_caps_2Why does one woman —

Own 30 baseball caps?



[When I say “one woman” I mean me.]



I spend hundreds of dollars on my hair.

It is criminal to own this many baseball caps AND spend this much on my hair.

That crazy contradiction might even spell mental instability.



Shut up it does not.

Shut up it does too.



Okay I am totally not giving up the Reservoir Dogs baseball cap I got at Sundance the year Reservoir Dogs premiered at Sundance —

[Yes the gray one with the red text.]


how to enjoy pumpkin beer

October 4, 2015


Step 1: Throw pumpkin beer in trash.
Step 2: Pour real beer.
Step 3: Drink real beer.

September 8, 2015

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

~ Jean Kerr

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