marketing genius!

 

 

According to my inbox, men are interested in:

•Hot Asian chicks
•Hot Russian chicks
•Hot Filipino chicks

AND MONSTROUSLY LARGER PENISES!

 

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I cannot be Russian, Filipino, or Asian, but —

GENIUS!

I can totally sell larger penises.

 

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All you have to put in the box is a magnifying glass and instructions to not use it in direct sunlight, right?

I am going to be so rich.

Yay!

 

louis ck brings it home again

 

 

as long as the men are already pissed off

 

Apparently I have upset a bunch of “nice guys” by re-posting the David Wong essay and now they are gathered on another board dedicated to “no hate talk” calling me ignorant and stupid, among other things. Fun!

As long as people are all riled up though, here is Louis CK’s observations on women dating. [Louis CK is way more fun than a bunch of self proclaimed “nice guys” I don’t know calling me an ignorant slut.]

 

 

post valentine’s day wisdom

 

 

[That is TracyMcMillan in a Ted Talk. Cool stuff.]

 

psa for the holidays or, pants, sass, & ass

 

So. Men —

Christmas is around the corner. Parties! Then New Year’s Eve. Parties! Then, be still my beating heart, Valentine’s Day. Party!

[And that last one should be private.]

Want a date for those parties?

Then for the love of God, man, wear good jeans.

[That is most likely what you will be wearing when you ask someone out and if you can’t manage decent fitting pants on a regular day what suggests you can when you get spruced?]

 

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Directions For Determining if You Are Wearing Good Jeans:

1. Print the Above Photo
2. Put on your jeans.
3. Stand, back to a mirror, wearing your jeans.
4. Lift a hand mirror and peruse your backside.

If you are wearing good jeans, what you see will bear some resemblance to the top photo.

If you are wearing bad jeans, what you see will resemble this:

 

 

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What To Do If You Are Wearing Bad Jeans:

1. Beg a female friend to accompany you to the nearest jeans store.
2. Try on AT LEAST five pairs of jeans.
3. Buy the jeans your female friend tells you to buy.

 

You’re welcome.

 

 

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*do not rely on cute salesgirls for help, they work on commission
*do not rely on ex-girlfriends for help, they are conflicted
*do not rely on your mother for help, she still thinks you are twelve
*this has been a public service announcement

 

the winners!

 

On this day of —

October 1st, on or about the strike of Cinderella midnight, I hereby unveil the winners of the great date essay competition. Yay!

:::the winners:::

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from john carroll doyle

one more day….

 

One day left for —

The great date essay competition. Ooh la la.

This has actually resulted in a certain amount of trauma because people keep sending in letters with attachments that my poor old Outlook program cannot read or see. Finally, I was forced to dust off Thunderbird just so I could see some of the attachments. Which got more complex because I forgot the email password so then had to open the site to go change the email password only another browser was fighting with the site so I couldn’t find the email account so then I had to change browsers again to see that to change the password in order to –

Let’s just say it turned into a lot of work.

Who knew?

 

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This probably means I am going to have to finally give up Outlook and change over to another mail program. I knew it was coming. Sigh.

 

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:::best date competition:::
:::the lovely ms adams:::
:::nicholl fellowships in screenwriting:::

 

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from john carroll doyle

return of my favorite valentine’s day cartoon ever

 

Probably my favorite favorite cartoon in the whole world happy Valentine’s Day yay!

 

 

 

where that comic is from :
that is from cyanide and happiness at explosm.net

this post inspired by men who date badly

 

Ahem —

Things Men Shouldn’t Do On Dates :

Announce you broke up with your long time steady three days ago — in the car before your date’s seatbelt is on or you turn the engine on.

Tell your date you are on a budget — suggest she stick to the house salad and breadsticks.

Suggest your date wear high heels — then suggest a [long] [budget friendly] walk after salad & breadsticks dinner.

 

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*feel free to contribute additions….

 

evil luring breadsticks

 

The other day —

I heard a man on the television say men would not cheat if there weren’t so many women willing to be there for men to cheat with.

This was on a talk show and a whole bunch of women in the audience nodded saying, “Yes, yes.” Like the whole answer to men cheating was [those bitches!] other women.

This is kind of stupid to me. Of course, if a man is going to cheat, there needs to be someone alive and willing for him to cheat with. [Do not always assume it is another woman either guys cheat with guys just fine.] Just like, if a person is going to over eat, there has to be food there for someone to eat. But I do not see anyone blaming the food: “Yeah, he wouldn’t have eaten that breadstick if there weren’t so many breadsticks that were so damn willing.”

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from lugerla