February 12, 2015
Wednesday I went to the Texas DMV.
[Actually in Texas it is called “Public Safety.” Interesting.]
I think the woman at the Texas DMV was a little worried about me.
She explained what buttons to push on the machine I could not outsmart.
She pointed out the forms I needed, which were directly behind me that I had walked past, lost, three times.
She came and corralled me out of the autistic area [I did not know DMV’s had autistic areas] even though by that point she probably thought I totally belonged there.
AND got me a clipboard since it hadn’t occurred to me I’d need one what with the autistic area having nice little tables and all.
[It was a Men In Black moment! Quit it!]
Thank you, Nice Texas DMV Lady. You are the only reason I am a licensed Texas driver today.
[Texans may not thank you for this later.]
December 17, 2014
One reason I have too much stuff is, I move. A LOT. We’re talking lost track around interstate move number 10 here.
Each new place has things from the last place that work. But also, things that do not.
Each new place has… new needs.
This is how I find myself sitting here just having purchased a new piece of furniture AND a new rug while at the same time crying into my Cheerios wondering how I am going to get rid of —
Oh Jesus wept!
More extraneous stuff! Ahhh!
December 14, 2014
Yez, the irony of the statement “serenity” “battles” is not lost on me. Work with me here….
We have living room and we have kitchen, yay!
Also, a Christmas tree, yay!
There was bathroom — okay the bathroom was the first clear room in the place — but the great closet rail collapse of 2014 took that out because for the moment… all the shoes are living in the bathroom. Oops.
The office is still in pretty exciting disarray. That is not going to be fixable till nice men bring the new desk legs. [Um, yez, I said new desk legs.]
The bedroom is almost all put together except for a missing piece of furniture currently living in the office till, um, new desk legs. Also, quite a few clothes are hiding out in the bedroom right now. [Closet rail catastrophe refugees.]
But so far, so good. Kitchen! Living Room! Christmas Tree! Yay!
When I get places put together people look at them and say, Max, that looks very simple I do not know what you have been carrying on about that looks easy.
Let me remind you, sports fans, how this started out:
Doesn’t look so easy now, does it?
Come on closet rail and desk legs! Yay!
December 2, 2014
November 26, 2014
November 19, 2014
November 18, 2014
Movers are booked. Copious packing supplies have arrived. Paperwork is in works. This is about the time to totally stress out about the move but to my chagrin I discover the cigarette and alcohol stockpiles are way too low for a proper stress out.
This must be corrected immediately.
PS: I told you the blog was shut down for the move right? I totally lied. I am way too stressed to not blog.
November 10, 2014
Apparently this is a thing in Austin.
Plastic fake wood flooring.
[It is really gross.]
Flash Back: My ex and I are looking for a microwave.
He keeps saying, What about this one?
[He’s a guy, he’s looking for bells and whistles.]
I keep saying, No! Faux Wood! No No No Ahhh!
[A lot of microwave manufacturers at the time thought it was cool to paint metal microwaves with some sort of freakish fake wood grain.]
[It was so gross.]
After the microwave gauntlet, I overheard my ex one time talking to a salesman and I sort of fell in love with him all over again when he said, “No, it is faux wood.”
[There are some rough things I can say sometimes about my ex but that “faux wood” thing? He did not care a bit about faux wood but he knew I did so faux wood was out and he did not even know I was listening. That is a moment I will always love him for.]
I totally love my broker too because after our faux wood conversation she started getting on the phone to people saying, fiercly, “Faux wood?”
I could kind of hear the pause and “Huh?” on the other side of the line.
She’d snap, “Wood laminate.”
Then I’d kind of hear the “Oh” on the other side of the line.
We haven’t been to a place with faux wood since.
Really hating faux wood knocks 90% of the buildings we might have looked at out of the running.
That is okay with me. Hello! Streamlined house hunt. Yay!
Also panic mode has subsided some we have seen a couple places I actually think I could live in now.
Cross fingers. Light candles.
PS: I’m totally telling you my broker’s name and contact info after I sign a new lease. Before that not so much… you’d totally steal my hot new apartment leads, right? Yeah, I thought so. Skeevy dogs.
November 4, 2014
November is move month.
I have already terrorized myself packing everything in the apartment mentally over and over and over again.
I don’t even have boxes yet.
I don’t even have a new apartment yet.
And I’ve already moved a hundred times in my head.
This is the problem with a vivid imagination. When something is coming, you have already done it a thousand times before it hits.
And you still have to do it for real.