closet frenzy

October 6, 2015


It seems like after all the work I did clearing out the closet it should look neater than this. Hmm.




Also word on the street is the world is ending tomorrow in which case I am going to be really mad I spent days cleaning out and organizing that closet. :::grrr:::



We have an open seat in November in the 5150 online screenwriting workshop. For more info, hit :::WORKSHOP:::

5150 Online Screenwriting Workshop


coming in november

October 6, 2015


There are classes around the corner in November. Structural Writing, I only teach once a year so if you are want that puppy, grab it now or wait another year:

Coming in November from the Academy of Film Writing, Structural Writing

Coming in November at the Academy of Film Writing, Dynamic Writing


baseball cap dementia

October 4, 2015


baseball_caps_2Why does one woman —

Own 30 baseball caps?



[When I say “one woman” I mean me.]



I spend hundreds of dollars on my hair.

It is criminal to own this many baseball caps AND spend this much on my hair.

That crazy contradiction might even spell mental instability.



Shut up it does not.

Shut up it does too.



Okay I am totally not giving up the Reservoir Dogs baseball cap I got at Sundance the year Reservoir Dogs premiered at Sundance —

[Yes the gray one with the red text.]


how to enjoy pumpkin beer

October 4, 2015


Step 1: Throw pumpkin beer in trash.
Step 2: Pour real beer.
Step 3: Drink real beer.


Screen shot 2015-09-15 at 2.47.03 PM


BTW, you whacky movers and shakers, if you are entertained by me talking about attending a product party, just think how entertained you might be when I talk about Hollywood. Never thought about that, did you, sports fans?

Maybe you should get the book. Or not. How long is your attention span?



I heard this story one time from WWII about batteries. Apparently, the movers and shakers trying to beat the Germans [yes that is you, Germans, sorry, I know it sucks to be the bad guys, but you totally were the bad guys] needed extra battery power to do lights and what not on runways to beat the GERMANS and said, Hey, Battery people, could you do better?



The battery people said, Well sure but it might cut into our sales if anyone knew we could make batteries that actually last so we will do it, if you promise never to tell anyone we can make batteries that last forever instead of a short while.



The WWII people said, Fuck yes battery people, let’s do it. And the battery people made better batteries than they had ever made before and the allies won the war.

Against the Germans. [That is you Germans, live with it.]



Flash forward. Fifty years later someone told and I heard it. Oops.


I am going through old electronics. Which are frightening alone but I do not panic or waver. Here is what is amazing. Two tape tape recorders I have not used since 1990 work – using batteries they had in 1990.






[I can’t get a battery to work I bought two months ago today, they go dead that fast.]



Dear Duracell. And also, Energizer Bunny. Ahem.

For fuck’s sake, if batteries from 1990 work now, why the fuck don’t batteries from August 2015 work? I know you can make batteries that will last a hundred years. I’m not even asking for that. Just batteries that last long enough to get them out of the fucking store wrapper.


the book battle

September 8, 2015


Calvin & Hobbes

I’m in this huge battle to give up books. This became really clear in the Seattle move when the movers told me I was moving 5 thousand pounds and 2 thousand of them were books.


I’ve been trying to give up books ever since.


In varying degrees, I am winning. I’m down like 1,500 pounds of books since then, and with every new move, it goes down a little more. And I move a LOT. Now it’s down to at least 500 pounds or less.


I worry about my priorities. I’ll be sorting through a stack of books and hit Calvin & Hobbes and say, Oh fuck you absolutely not, those stay. Or Captain Underpants. He stays, God Dammit!


I suspect this doesn’t much say I am an adult.


September 8, 2015

“I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

~ Jean Kerr

books ah you bastards!

September 4, 2015


I went into a used book store once trying to sell off used books.

I was about to interstate move.

Books are heavy.

The store bought a ton of those books but the weird thing was, the girl at the counter asked me to tell her about the books, so I did, book by book, and then she said,

“Wait, have you read all these books?”

It is kind of weird to me anyone who works in a book store wouldn’t assume someone selling a used book has read the book.


I’m trying to give away books now. Books are heavy. They take up space. I can get them all on the iPad which is not heavy and does not take up space.

Here’s the problem.


All these damn books are signed.

I can’t give those away or sell them.


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