max’s good hostess checklist
October 20, 2014
- Stock some sort of breakfast snack. In fact, stock some sort of food, period.
- Capture the prehistoric bug in the bathroom I have an armistice with. “Here Godzilla! Here Godzilla! Come to Max! Pay no attention to the super sized Tupperware container I am hiding behind my back….”
- Stock enough coffee beverages I will not have impulse to attack guest with sharp objects for cutting into Max coffee rations.
- Dust off the real toothpaste. [Others apparently do not tolerate baking soda tooth shenanigans well. This was brought to my attention when one house guest screamed and started foaming at the mouth.]
- Wash towels in laundry [and also washcloths]. Apparently linens growling and levitating are disturbing to guests.
- Stock some primary beverage other than Diet Coke? [Surely not, who in their right mind does not rely on Diet Coke as a primary source of hydration?]
- Bleach purple shampoo rings out of bathtub.
- Check stored sheets and pillows for “air fresh” quality. [Wash if “air fresh” quality went south in 2012.]
- Do dust bunny check. [Not everyone gives dust bunnies nicknames and cute outfits and stages wrestling matches.]
- Double check refrigerator for mystery alien visitors. [Some people whimsically refer to those visitations as “vegetables gone bad” but I cannot be fooled, THOSE are alien life forms.]