murder, mayhem, sex, free beer!

November 20, 2013

 

Okay really this is —

An old Miss R. Survey and I did not make that title up she did.

Yay!

[Stealing Miss R. Surveys is my life.]

We have not done one of these in too long and also even trying to find a fun new survey that is not Miss R kind of does not work so this is a return to the past let’s go!

 


Murder, Mayhem, Sex, Free Beer….

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Do I have to choose? I have so many favorites….

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I am sorry you are entering a romance free zone. Please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity and who you lost it to?
That should be whom shouldn’t it? [Whacky survey writers — now watch me obliterate grammar throughout the rest of the quiz woohoo!]

Wait. Back up. Who says I am not a virgin? Damn liars….

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I’m thinking that last car battery purchase was perhaps a mistake.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
“She Who Will Maim and Terrorize Small Children.”

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?

Sex. [Hey you asked.]

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Beautiful.

8. How many colleges did you attend?
Three.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?

That would be the shirt on top in the dryer, Alex.

10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I am sorry my mind goes blank every time I see gas prices.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
Are you crazy? Move? Again???

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

My alarms do not go off in the morning, my alarms go off after the sun sets.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?

Must stay awake….

14. Favorite underwear?
I am not telling. Fresh!

15. Favorite thing about the opposite sex?

I am definitely not telling. Fresh!

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Dishes. God I hate doing dishes. Wait, no, scrubbing the tub. And the toilet. Gah! Okay, wait, I have to make a list here.

17. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
Well yeah, I already volunteer.

18. Get up early or sleep in?

Well definitely stay in bed. That does not all have to be about sleep though does it?

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Howl. Definitely Howl. Wait. No. Inuyasha. Wait. No. Howl. No. Inuyasha! No. Howl! No —

[Sorry, Chinatown moment there.]

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy/girl?
This is potentially the stupidest question I have ever read.

21. Have you found real love yet?
That depends on how you define “real” and “love.” Me, I am still looking for “everlasting.”

22. When did you first start feeling old?
I don’t. Teenagers sure look stupid though.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Unbaptized small children.

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
A brush with death and the unwashed masses.

26. Beach or lake?
Give me a catamaran and wind and it is all good.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No. I just have a steep learning curve

28. Do you own property?
Silly survey. People do not own property. Property owns people.

29. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
I think “wouldn’t want anyone to find out about” is pretty clear there.

31. What’s your drink?
Vodka, Baby.

32. Cowboys or Indians?
Couldn’t I have a nice hockey player instead?

33. Cops or Robbers?
Listen if it involves guns and handcuffs it is not sexy. Silk ties on the other hand….

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Am I in a large vehicle?

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Is that a math question?

36. Norm or Cliff?
Let’s get back to that nice hockey player.

37. Grey’s or The Office?
Dr. Who.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Will this be on the final? In a blue book? How many blue books do I get to use?

39. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
That would be Clyde. The computer. Clyde and I have a delicate working relationship here and I do not want to tip those scales.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
What about nice hockey player was not clear?

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
Let’s just say I am not a Laura Ashley girl.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?

It is safe to say I have crashed at least one of every item with wheels I have ever come in contact with. And a few without.

[Whose bright idea was it to ride innertubes down a snow slope with a voracious sharp stone filled ditch at the bottom again?]

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?

As opposed to its unintended purpose? [Hey, what is with these fire extinguisher questions? I have seen these before.]

44. Last book you read?
Does desperately flipping through a computer manual count?

[Damn you Clyde]

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
I refuse to answer this question on the grounds of self incrimination.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Pretty much my teeth are always in the same place — my mouth.

47. Somewhere in California you’ve never been and would like to go?
I am not sure there is any place in California I have not been.

48. Do you go to church?
Oops. There is a place in California I have not been.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?

Getting back to that hockey player….

50. How old are you?
There are some questions you should not ask a woman experiencing pms symptoms. We can say this is one of those questions and you can take it back — or I can initiate you into the finer points of “unintended” uses for a fire extinguisher….

 

where the art work comes from :
that is by chaovsky

2 Responses to “murder, mayhem, sex, free beer!”

  1. Holy sh*t Max, this was a delightful read to wake up too.
    You’ve given me even more reasons to adore you.
    The hockey player theme is not only funny but you’re the only other Cali girl I know -or Nevada girl- that digs hockey.
    Ice Ice baby! Forgive me for that.-ducks quickly-

    So many great answers so few to showcase your devious and humorous mind. Speaking of which the comment on grammar didn’t include one jab at run on sentences which is a subject too important to ignore so I’ll have to address it here and ask if you agree although this may be a moot subject as you continue being sucked into the vortex of violence. Towards me.

    Fab answers to 5, 23, 13, 28, 49… Hell, they all made me grin like a heathen in church. Which is the only look I’d sport in such an unthinkable situation

    Peeked at your profile and missed your move from from LaLa Land to Austen. Was it the ever-growing hipness of the Lone Star state’s hippest anomaly and city?

    Thanks for finding this.and kicking it back into submission. Speaking of submission where is that hockey player.

    Preparing our Handbasket,
    Muah!
    ~R

  2. Max said

    Aw, thanks. I miss our survey days. [smile] To me Faulkner is a God so I’m not against run on sentences. Hockey rules! Mwaw!

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