how to kill a petsitter request in 5 easy steps
November 19, 2013
A Petsitter Request in 5 Easy Steps
1. Pretend you want to take someone out for a midnight snack when really you are flanking them to pet sit. For a week and a half. Over Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Camping at your place. Alone. With two dogs who have to go out five times a day.
2. Forget to inform the accompanying child she is supposed to be pleasant to support this flank maneuver instead of responding to any polite rejoinder with a death stare before silently going back to texting.
3. Open with “Will you be in town for Christmas?” — which sounds like someone is about to ask you over for a nice Christmas dinner before they say, Great!, you can pet sit! For a week and a half! 24 hours a day! Over Christmas and New Year’s Eve!
4. Scream “You owe me money!” if someone says camping at your place for a week and a half alone over the holidays might be a problem.
5. Yell, “You just want to party!” when YOU want to party for a week and a half in France. What the fuck is up with your friend wanting any free nights over the holidays? Wow is she a Bitch!
*Cinderella was not a handbook on how to treat friends.