psa for the holidays or, pants, sass, & ass

November 25, 2011


So. Men —

Christmas is around the corner. Parties! Then New Year’s Eve. Parties! Then, be still my beating heart, Valentine’s Day. Party!

[And that last one should be private.]

Want a date for those parties?

Then for the love of God, man, wear good jeans.

[That is most likely what you will be wearing when you ask someone out and if you can’t manage decent fitting pants on a regular day what suggests you can when you get spruced?]


Directions For Determining if You Are Wearing Good Jeans:

1. Print the Above Photo
2. Put on your jeans.
3. Stand, back to a mirror, wearing your jeans.
4. Lift a hand mirror and peruse your backside.

If you are wearing good jeans, what you see will bear some resemblance to the top photo.

If you are wearing bad jeans, what you see will resemble this:



What To Do If You Are Wearing Bad Jeans:

1. Beg a female friend to accompany you to the nearest jeans store.
2. Try on AT LEAST five pairs of jeans.
3. Buy the jeans your female friend tells you to buy.


You’re welcome.



*do not rely on cute salesgirls for help, they work on commission
*do not rely on ex-girlfriends for help, they are conflicted
*do not rely on your mother for help, she still thinks you are twelve
*this has been a public service announcement



5 Responses to “psa for the holidays or, pants, sass, & ass”

  1. Max you’ve done it again. Hit the nail on the head. I SO take noticw of the way a man’s jeans fit. IF a guy is looking like example number two I may give him a chance -hoping to god he has other pairs that DO fit. If said potential date material has no desire to change that baggy-ass-I-don’t-care-about-my-appearace-so-piss-off look…..
    he won’t be getting into my jeans either.

    Best holiday post I’ve seen so far. If only this could be disseminated to all men of the world. I’ll email Hanukkah Harry to pass the word.

  2. ejalvey said

    A follow up posting on facial hair would be much appreciated! (If you take requests.)

  3. TheFirm said

    What if your ass looks ridiculous, no matter what jeans you try on?

  4. Max said

    At least the pants will look good.

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