dear “intern two” you suck

March 12, 2010


One of my workshoppers sent a query letter to Icon Productions.

[Icon Productions is Mel Gibson. Mel you so suck.]

Here is THE rudest response to a query letter I have ever seen in my life.


From: Intern 2

[I am not making that up, the letter is really from “Intern 2.”]

Thank you for submitting the above referenced project to Icon Productions. We are destroying your submission and all enclosures included with it. Your mailing was examined only to the minimal extent needed to determine it’s nature. No notice was taken of its literary content.

While we sincerely appreciate your interest in sending material to us, it is our literary policy based on legal and other considerations not to read or consider unsolicited submissions of any type. Please do not send additional materials, or resend these materials as they will be similarly destroyed.


Are you fucking kidding me? Freak!



16 Responses to “dear “intern two” you suck”

  1. Faig M said

    Why, wouldn’t it be simpler to say “We’ve got this Malibu Mel here to work with, so, go shove your submission”?

    Outrageous. I’d be picking up a baseball bat and coming round to their office. Honest. This is outrageous.

    I wonder if your workshopper hasn’t run that up in one of those trade mags as well – to the greater glory of Icon Productions…
    Leastways, I now know whom never to submit to!

  2. max said

    There are polite ways and not polite ways to respond in Hollywood. Also, stupid and not stupid ways. I give Icon Productions big points for trumping both stupid and rude.

    Good Job “Intern 2.”

  3. Kitty said

    Their letter and actions seem a bit paranoid.

  4. wcmartell said

    Was it a query letter or a full script? If it was a script, they probably have to destroy it unread – because the legal department says so.

    If it was a query letter they are crazy… because Icon will be at some pitch fest somewhere (they show up for those things sometimes).

    If they have intern #2’s e-mail, I would suggest submitting it to spam lists dealing with viagra.

  5. Nancy said

    Favorite part: “Please do not send additional materials, or resend these materials as they will be similarly destroyed.”

  6. I can’t expand upon the above points, so I’ll just note this:

    “…to determine it’s nature.”

    So… “Intern Two” doesn’t even know “its” from “it’s.” Great. Must leave all the heavy lifting to Intern One.

  7. indiasroses said

    That’s incredible, Someone wrote that, and then they send it out to people. I’m baffled

  8. Shamama said

    Oh, please please please, have the screenwriter go to their Iconic garbage bin and extract a pile of shredded papers and greasy pizza-box segments, etc and “resend”! ;)

  9. max said

    Bill, it was just a query letter.

  10. max said

    [BTW, “its” might be transcriber error, I would have to go check but don’t feel that generous right now I am still steamed someone sent that letter to one of my writers.]

  11. ejalvey said

    Wow. I’ve gotten buttloads of rejections, but can’t say as I’ve had the pleasure of one so, uh, taint.

  12. Mhmm really nice people…i take note

  13. I’ll have to say, that sounds classier then
    :die you stupid idiot die:
    But that’s because their letter was written by Professionals.

  14. max said

    You crack me up.

  15. Dude said

    Dude, that’s what they do to unsolicited queries 90 percent of the time. Grow up.

  16. max said

    No, pumpkin, it isn’t. And if you had been in the industry for 15 years you would know that.

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