this post inspired by men who date badly

September 30, 2009


Ahem —

Things Men Shouldn’t Do On Dates :

Announce you broke up with your long time steady three days ago — in the car before your date’s seatbelt is on or you turn the engine on.

Tell your date you are on a budget — suggest she stick to the house salad and breadsticks.

Suggest your date wear high heels — then suggest a [long] [budget friendly] walk after salad & breadsticks dinner.


*feel free to contribute additions….



23 Responses to “this post inspired by men who date badly”

  1. Doug said

    Well, a girl could go on a walk if she took her heels off or the guy could be a gentleman and carry her for a walk. But if it’s a first date, perhaps that would be too “fresh” of him? :)

  2. max said

    Walk barefoot down a city sidewalk? In Los Angeles? Seriously?

  3. ballgame said

    Tell your date you are on a budget — suggest she stick to the house salad and breadsticks.

    Assuming this was ‘autobiographically inspired,’ would you have accepted a date with this man if it had been clear both of you would be paying your own way? Just curious.

    (FTR, I can readily see why someone would be non-plussed by a ‘salad and breadsticks’ directive.)

  4. ballgame said

    (Sorry for the borked blockquoting.)

  5. max said

    The budget date was not mine. It was the date that inspired the post though.

    As far as a man saying, Say I want to take you out to a nice restaurant, oh and by the way, pay for your own meal? That is like saying, Hey I want to have you over for nice dinner, that will be fifty bucks for groceries please.

    I think this whole egalitarian hysteria is not taking into consideration the etiquette and “host” aspect of asking someone to dinner.

  6. David said

    Tell your date that she needs to hurry up dinner because his “mom needs the car back at nine for bingo.”

  7. ballgame said

    When you frame it the way you do, Max, I can’t disagree with you. But I think your framing is somewhat prejudicial. It wasn’t exactly what I was asking.

    Since it wasn’t you on that particular date, let me phrase it another way. Have you dated men who have paid for your way for a nice evening (dinner, wev) whom you would not have spent time with otherwise (i.e. if they had suggested a far cheaper activity or made it clear that although they’d be up for anything, each of you would be covering your own expenses)? Is this generally true for your outlook on dating?

    (BTW, if you find this line of discussion more “tedious” than “intriguing”, I’ll be happy to beg off … not trying to ruin your day.)

  8. max said

    Tedious. Also if you have to work that hard to try to force an answer you want instead of the answer you received maybe you should question your motives.

  9. Rob said

    Hmm. I wince at this kind of clumsiness, but I understand why it happens. A lot of men are taught only half of what they need to know to be good dates, which results in the kind of poor timing and lack of insight described here. This guy sounds like he was running a script of “the perfect date” in his head without understanding the underlying dynamics, and so committed numerous gaffs while attempting to be “honest” about his circumstances. The truth about his recent breakup (which *is* salient, I believe, since it colors his emotional state and affects how he will behave going into a new relationship) could have waited until a comfortable rapport had been established through several successful dates. If his financial situation compelled him to be frugal, he could have picked a less pricey restaurant. (Seriously, the first few dates shouldn’t be extravagant anyway. They’re about establishing basic compatibility, not sizing up one’s future spouse. They should be fun, and fun can be done cheap with just a little bit of forethought. A lot of guys go balls out right from the start and come across looking clumsy and desperate.) The heels thing was just ignorance. Most men have never even tried to walk around in heels and therefore don’t know how uncomfortable they can be. This guy wanted to do the stereotypical “moonlit walk on the beach” thing while also giving his date the “opportunity” to get dressed up (because all women naturally like these things — so say the celebrity magazines), without working out the logistics beforehand.

  10. max said

    Wow you get up early.

    Heels really trip guys up I guess. A guy took a friend to a restaurant on the beach and then was insisting they go on a beach front bike ride after dinner. I figure he had this whole romantic date figured out in his head in advance and just never snapped a dress and heels are seriously not bicycle friendly.

  11. splicedt said

    I find it can really help a guy out if when they ask “where would you like to go?” I take them at their word and tell them. Most guys want to be steered in the right direction. If I give them several choices of places I like with varying costs (I’m talking restaurants), and suggest a “Drink”, that gives them the option of choosing one they can afford, and offering dinner if they can afford that as well.

    That way they can still feel a bit chivalrous, which they like, they know they have chosen something I like, and the whole awkwardness can be avoided.

  12. max said

    One of my funner :::bad date::: stories.

  13. splicedt said

    Ummm…perhaps men should wear veils? I shall check out your other links re: bread sticks. Sounds terribly sordid. You poor dear.

  14. max said

    btw, I do not really get the concept of helping a guy out on a date. It is a date, not pre-school.

  15. splicedt said

    Well, I would normally agree with you, but part of the fall-out of the political-correct movement, 1960’s feminism, the push-back conservative feminist back-lash, and our current socio-cultural norms make gender relations and negations a bit tricky at best.

    I have talked to a lot of men–young and old, who quite frankly don’t know what women want, or how to go about approaching women–especially very strong, confident, attractive, intelligent women, whom they find a bit intimidating.

    It is no different with sex–many men really crave for a woman to tell them what she likes sexually; they like to be guided, shown, encouraged.

    Sure, men talk a good game, but I have not met, talked to, or been with any men, really, who have not appreciated me taking the lead while allowing them to still feel masculine, virile, and, well, manly.

    Conversely, many women complain to me, and in general, that they have a hard time finding men to date, or have a hard time getting what they want from a relationship. My advice is, tell them what you want, guide them, teach them.

    We really are the strongest and most dominant gender. Not physically, but in every other way we hold all the cards. If we assume our proper place, most men are relieved. I am not talking about assholes who strive to dominate and suppress women. I am talking about normal guys.

    It is not about intelligence here. Men are very goal oriented. Straight-line and a goal. Women tend to be detail oriented. So, give a guy a goal that he can meet and make him feel appreciated and in return he will have a lot of appreciation and respect for you.

  16. max said

    I am not interested in leading someone around. I expect a partner to be equal and capable of leading too.

    Course I also expect to die alone.

    [You know btw your description above is how you train dogs right? Give the dog an attainable goal, give the dog a lot of appreciation for accomplishing it, that dog will follow you anywhere. If I want to train a dog, though, I will get a puppy, I expect something different from a man.]

  17. splicedt said

    As a matter of fact I have a very well trained dog. Not everyone appreciates my techniques, nor are they suited for everyone. I am an alpha female, so that perhaps explains part of my perspective.

    I do have men who I feel are my equal in many ways. Many are very challenging, strong, intelligent; but there are certain parts of the male make-up that are responsive to such stimuli. Some of the most powerful men in the world love a strong woman behind closed doors. It can relieve a lot of stress and allow them to be vulnerable when nothing else can.

    No matter. I am sure you are not wanting for male companionship if the mood suits you. From your icon you appear to be a beautiful woman, and from your writing seem to be intelligent, sensitive, sensible, and very creative.

    I did read your second installment of your horrific date, but was unsuccessful at locating the third as your link was not working.

    Wow. That has to be one of the worst dates I have heard of.

  18. max said

    Thank you for letting me know about the bad link I will fix that.

  19. splicedt said

    I look forward to checking that out.

  20. splicedt said

    At least he didn’t become a total stalker. That would have been truly ugly.

    (I read the third installment–thanks).

  21. max said

    Thanks for reading.

  22. tv said

    Someone once told me a good rule of thumb on a date is never to mention you’re writing a movie about a serial killer and a necrophiliac. I’m guessing that’s worse than breadsticks.

  23. max said

    Well that is some good advice you must hang out with smart people but bread sticks wins.

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