the mirror

July 8, 2007

 

vanitas

 

 

 

I was reading this script.

In the script.

This woman looks in a full length mirror.

This is the writer’s not so subtle way to —

 

 

 

 

 

Let a reader know what the character looks like.

The writer is not very good. The writer writes most of this as interior monologue. As in these are thoughts going through the woman’s mind looking in the mirror. Kind of an amateur mistake. That indicates the writer does not know the difference between writing prose and writing for film. Oh well. These things happen.

Anyway —

What the woman sees : Her perfect flawless alabaster complexion, her dewey eyes like deep aquamarine pools, her flowing, lustrous Titian hair, her firm, swelling and perfect breasts, her tapering delicate waist flowing into smooth and supple hips descending to long, firm and flawless legs —

[OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. IS THIS WRITER INSANE?]

Okay. This writer is clearly a man. No woman on Earth looking in a mirror sees that. Ever.

What that woman would actually see : I have a blemish, will that cover? Those damn Biore strips are not working my pores are huge. Fuck, is that a line? This new conditioner sucks now my hair is flat. It is time to fire the stylist she got this fucking shade wrong again what is that supposed to be, strawberry? My breasts are too small. My thighs are too big. My waist is too long. My nose turns up wrong. I have to do more time on the treadmill. Maybe I should try colored contacts. Damn it my hips are huge, nothing is going to cover these hips — Sweet Mother of Jesus is that cellulite?!?

That is what women see in the mirror. Every single one of us. Every time we look.

Get it right.


[ps : no i did not take that directly from a script i would not do that but that is what was happening so you get the idea]

 

where the art work comes from :
that is vanitas from chaovsky

25 Responses to “the mirror”

  1. JanieBelle said

    You forgot, “Shit. Do I look pregnant in this?”

    and

    “Damn. There’s that one f’ing hair that just WILL NOT DIE again.”

    and

    “Oh god, I think I’m starting to look like Aunt Eustice. Kill me now.”

    and

    “I wonder if a tattoo would cover that…”

    :)

  2. michele said

    And “oh hell, is that a double chin?”

    And, “my stomach sticks out in these pants.”

    And, “is that a GRAY hair? where the hell are the tweezers?”

  3. Kym said

    Since I’ve taken OpenChannel’s cadaver quiz, I keep telling myself that my body is a valuable commodity–Yah, like pork bellies.

  4. brut said

    thank you Max and friends for som insight. every little bit helps. i am currently writing my first script involving a female protagonist and it ain’t easy. i find that i keep second guessing… would she say that… would she do that… is that how she feels… is that how a woman would act/react?

  5. Stiletto said

    “What the woman sees : Her perfect flawless alabaster complexion, her dewey eyes like deep aquamarine pools, her flowing, lustrous Titian hair, her firm, swelling and perfect breasts, her tapering delicate waist flowing into smooth and supple hips descending to long, firm and flawless legs —

    [OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. IS THIS WRITER INSANE?]

    Okay. This writer is clearly a man. No woman on Earth looking in a mirror sees that. Ever.”

    Are you sure about that? lol

    Actually you are right. Here is what I saw today:

    “Tip of nose too long, midsection thickening, right nipple jacked up, puffy face and hair color way too light for my face. Eyes too small (need eyelift) and back to the horror of the nose.”

    The lips though. Damn the lips look good.

  6. Stiletto said

    Aunt Eustice? lol the name itself evokes images of horror.

  7. sulya said

    what the hell is that chick on that she sees such overblown perfection? I mean, that’s some seriously good shit and there are days I could definitely use some.

    I suppose the sad part is that the more truthful “Oh, dear God those aren’t supposed to be pointing down like that!” vision is often just as skewed and exaggerated as the “perfect” one – just in the other direction.

    Oh well. This is what girlfriends and a bottle of vodka is for.

  8. adds mirrors to the list of reasons i’m glad i’m a male. i bet some men do that too, though.

  9. The only mirror I have is hanging above my bathroom sink and at least once every other month my husband has to spend an hour peeling off the stickers and post-its because he’s only got this 8×10 space ( if it’s been a good month )to use when he shaves.

    I hate mirrors, they’re evil.

    amm

  10. max said

    I do not think men look at themselves the same way. I could be wrong, but there are an awful lot of happy fat guys wandering beaches in inappropriate swim wear backing that up.

  11. Jennifer said

    My seven years are almost up! I recommend closing eyes and running by to smashing it in. What to do about my sister and nanny that seem to think it’s their job to tell me what the mirror would.

    hmmm Max, you got any post it’s or notes to self on your mirror?

  12. max said

    I have a mental post it that says, “Fat? Bloated? Broken out? Do not Panic. Guess what time of the month it is?”

  13. Stiletto said

    ““Oh, dear God those aren’t supposed to be pointing down like that!”

    Nothing on my body points down. Except my nose. See I told you it was long.

    Max that’s an excellent point. Wait till you go to Europe, they come in herds.

  14. hard to argue that logic. In fact, even speaking of fat men in inappropriate swimwear is a bit of a debate killer for me

  15. aj said

    I have had a mental post-it for the last 9 months that says “it’s ok, the basketball look is coming back”.

    Also, I have never seen a man turn his neck around to check if his ass looks ok in a pair of jeans. I think they just assume it does or think “who really cares, I will be sitting on it, downing a beer anyhow”. Sometimes simple is effective.

  16. max said

    I thought we established it had moved past basketball to watermelon.

  17. aj said

    We did. I am clearly in denial.

  18. max said

    Stay frosty. There is not much longer to go.

  19. Kitty said

    Excellent post, Max.
    Reminds me of the scene in American Beauty where Janie (the teenage daughter) is looking in the mirror and the dad (in voiceover) says, “I’d like to tell her it’s just a phase, she’ll get over it… but I don’t want to lie to her.”

  20. pooks said

    Max — that reads like a bad romance novel, which makes me think it might have been written by a woman writer who is bad.

    But honestly — this was in a SCRIPT? What the hell was the writer thinking? The character was actually “thinking aloud” to describe herself? Or this is the way she was described in the action? Either way —

    Ooops.

    Next!

  21. max said

    It was interior monologue in scene description. And it was defiitely a guy writing it. Had to be, guys did not get descriptions like this and if a female romance writer who just was not very good had been writing it you can bet the guys would have gotten just as glossy descriptions.

    I will give him points though. The female character was more than a short skirt and tight sweater.

  22. pooks said

    Oh yeah, the guys would have gotten the business, too.

    Internal monologue. The mind boggles.

  23. […] That is What The Butler Saw II — by Frater Chaovsky. He is totally one of my favorites. The above image is by him too : Vulnerability And you have seen other images by him here : Mirror […]

  24. […] is more attractive now, but I’d be willing to bet based on what I’ve been reading about women and mirrors she looks in hers with a bit of angst.  Maybe I’m wrong.  It seems 6 years changes the […]

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