five freaking things….

April 15, 2007

Okay Kitty just tagged me and because and only because I so love Kitty, I will actually do this —


Five Freaking Things You Do Not Need to Know About Me :

1. I drink. Like a maniac. I am probably black out drunk right now. Fuck, this drunk I might even have sex with you — say, are you male or female?

2. I sell drugs. To children. If you are over five forget it, but hey, if you are a kid? How do you feel about cocaine?

3. I am really fond of priests. And math teachers. Will this be on the final exam? If I take off my clothes, will this be on the final exam? What the hell is a final exam anyway?

4. I smoke. Asbestos. It is fiber damn you.

5. So while I was black out drunk selling drugs to four year olds and sexing it up with an old priest who taught math in my asbestos fiber sexy suit AND smoking, I had this thought: What is the meaning of life? Do not give me that old 42 rigamorole either, my last name is Adams you fool.


Whew. Thank goodness that frenzy is over. Say, what were the questions again? Oh, right, five things you do not know about me. I now officially tag —

Woeful | Stilletto | Jen | Vanessa | Firm | Ms. Pants

I would tag that cute Valliant Guy too but he is too cool to do tags. Damn him.

100 Responses to “five freaking things….”

  1. Woeful said

    Thanks Max, you’re my first!

  2. Vanessa said

    Ohhh… I nary read a blog for a day and a night and look what I come back to!

    Tomorrow. Tomorrow. It is nearly bedtime.

    I haven’t done a tag for a while. I always find it quite flattering, and not unfun.

    I want a asbestos fibre sexy suit. I need all the help I can get.

  3. Yeah, you’re my first, too!

    Well, if you don’t want to tag AJ, I’ll gladly oblige!

  4. Um, were number two and three supposed to be sarcastic?

  5. Um, was number two and three supposed to be sarcastic?

  6. Why did this repeat twice?

  7. […] I’m It. Max, keeper of Celluloid Blonde just tagged me for a meme. This is a milestone for me, as this is the first time anyone has tagged […]

  8. Eddie said

    I normally try not to judge, but at your age hooking up with a priest is just wrong.

  9. Jennifer said

    Math teachers gosh, math teacher were usually coaches and making me run laps. I went with history teachers. In an odd state of things Priests were always wanting to screw my mother but that’s ok I always thought the nuns were hotter.

  10. Why, Eddie, is there a RIGHT age? I thought it’d be more of a gender thing…

  11. max said

    Damn. Eddie is right. I am so ashamed.

    Woeful, I will try to be gentle.

    Stilletto, don’t hurt me. [wink]

    Also you know I do not have a sarcastic bone in my body I am a demure and delicate creature.

  12. See what you did, Eddie? She feels ashamed. Now she has to go to confess…to a PRIEST. What a catch 22.

  13. […] 15th, 2007 Stilleto Girl and Blond Assassin team tagged me so I suppose I will play […]

  14. max said

    Wow. Valliant played. He gave me a fancy new title too. I am aflutter.

  15. Jennifer said

    Blond Assassin, I think it works.

  16. […] Blond Assassin Explore posts in the same categories: Uncategorized […]

  17. Jennifer said

    Wow ! Max, has seriously outed my blog now.

  18. max said

    I am on task outing blogs.

  19. Valliant is stealthy. He doesn’t always speak but he’s lurking about.

  20. So far, your answers to the tag merely qualify you as a fundamentalist evangelist. You’ve got to do better . . . .

  21. max said

    Valliant is all Byronic Hero and stuff.

    Frontier, no no no, I am angelic, not evangelic. Those evangelic types cannot dance.

  22. Jennifer said

    Dance Max dance!

  23. max said

    Why do I have this image of waving a gun around shooting at my feet when you say that?

  24. Jennifer said

    LOL no, I wouldn’t but there has to be something to lure you on to the dance floor. I am having an image of a tie flash before my eyes.

  25. Jennifer said

    Where is Valliant when you need him?

  26. max said

    That would depend on who was wearing the tie.

  27. Jennifer said

    As I remember how the story goes…..he doens’t keep it on for long.

  28. max said

    Yes. In the story, he takes hostages.

  29. Jennifer said

    Well, as an assassin you should be more than fine in that situation.

  30. max said

    I am not so sure about that. Valliant is dangerously charming and seductive taken hostage I would probably be at his mercy.

  31. Jennifer said

    yeah, that is what I mean by more than fine……LOL

  32. Yes. In the story, he takes hostages.

    Boy, this is the stuff of tag answer number five…sigh!

  33. I smoke. Asbestos. It is fiber damn you.

    You know how brilliant that is? Hmm. Gives one pause for thought.

  34. max said

    “Boy, this is the stuff of tag answer number five…sigh!”

    Yep. It is hard to take the willing hostage though I so should play harder to get.

  35. Max, feign horror and try not to laugh as you’re doing it!

  36. max said

    I will practice —

    Hostages? You bad bad man. I would never let you do that to me. Flounce!

    How’s that?

  37. Jennifer said

    Max, it’s Oscar worthy!

  38. max said

    Cool. Now I just need an eyelash curler and a flirty fan.

  39. More like AVN worthy lol

    You can have my lash curler, Max. I go for the perm now!

  40. “Hostages? You bad bad man. I would never let you do that to me. Flounce!”

    As many in Hollyweird, she started as an actor, she ended up a writer. And thank God lol

  41. “I’m going to ask you one more time, Where..the…hell…is Rocco?”


  42. max said

    It is a progressive thing. You model, but then you just look like what someone else wants to say. So then you act. But then you just say what someone else wants to say. So then you write, because God damn it you have something to say. Only then the director just fucks and distorts everything you write and you think, okay so I have to direct now too? Just how far up this freaking ladder do I have to climb?

  43. Jennifer said

    All the way Max.

  44. How many times on this damn couch do I gotta roll? lol oh just kidding. Actually, do you want to direct?

  45. Jennifer said

    Please say yes, please say yes…..

  46. max said

    Yes. No. Ugh. It is a terrible job. Everyone’s problem is your problem and you have to get up at a disgusting hour in the morning when real humans should be going to bed not crawling out of it. But the majority of people directing have no idea what the fuck lighting is for, forget camera angles or style and or story smarts and you watch enough times something that is a real smart story going in just get hacked and destroyed till it is mediocre garbage going out and you think maybe you better because maybe that is the only way you are going to make a good movie, maybe you have to do it yourself if you want to pull that off. But it is a real hard transition to make and the timing is not good for that right now so it is not something I am doing. It is something I think about.

  47. Jennifer said

    Timing can change and when it does you’ll be ready. Interesting you think about all of those things. I’ve met some “directors” who haven’t given them one thought.

  48. max said

    If you look at the really brilliant directors working, they are thinking that stuff and they are using it to tell the story, so when you watch Everything is Illuminated [Liev Shreiber] or Dear Frankie [Shona Auerbach] or About a Boy [Chris & Paul Weitz] or any of the other actually talented and imaginative directors’ works the camera and angles and motion and lights and even the colors of the film are all telling the story. And that is their job. To use those, and use them well to tell the story, and if they do not know how, damn well find someone who does to work them and use their knowledge. Any jack ass can throw a camera down and say action. Not that many people can really and truly direct though.

    Vanessa, good job.

  49. Vanessa said

    Actually, I think it’s a pretty shoddy job. I ought to have done what I usually do, which is elaborate and add photos for reference.

    Oh, well. Feeling lazy today.

  50. max said

    Uh oh. I was supposed to illustrate?


  51. Vanessa said

    No, no. I just get carried away.

    Although I’m really curious about that asbestos fibre sexy suit.

  52. max said

    As well you should be. It is damn provocative.

  53. Vanessa said

    Does it have a helmet?

    Hummmhaaa. Am I supposed to do some kind of pingback thingamajig? Because I have no idea….

  54. Jennifer said

    It’s just poetry, the way you describe film making. I know it’s a work of extreme details but you would hold yourself to that and make a feast for the eyes. I hope timing and all things necessary align for it.

  55. max said

    “Does it have a helmet?”

    That is a secret only priests and math teachers will ever know.

    Pingbacks happen automatically if the site you are linking back to allows pingbacks and if you put a link to the post you want to pingback to in your post. It has to be a link to the post, not just the site.

    Jen. Thanks. I watch directors pretty hard because, if someone does direct my stuff and I have any say in who it is, I want it to be someone good. That makes it my job to know who is good and why. If you want to watch something really amazing some time, watch About a Boy with the sound off, just watching the camera move. That is art.

  56. Jennifer said

    I look forward to watching it. I have not seen the movie at all.

  57. Vanessa said

    Ah, thank you o’ WonderMax. Confusion abated.

    I shall be changing the link, presently.

  58. […] April 16th, 2007 — Vanessa Alright, alright already.  I finally made iit.  The lovely Ms Max Adams tagged me and I’m to list 5 freaky things you never really wanted to know about me. At least […]

  59. Jennifer said

    The only one I can find on Itunes is Down to Earth by Chris and Paul Weitz.

  60. Vanessa said

    Orrrhhhh that worked a treat!

    You liddle bewdie….

  61. max said

    I do not think they have it Jennifer you will be forced to rent it to see it I think.

  62. Who said fundamentalist evangelists are angelic? I was refering to Swaggart et al . . .

    And I’m sure you’ve heard this one – Why do Baptists oppose sex? It leads to dancing.

  63. max said

    All this time I thought Baptists just could not do wall sex because that could be mistaken for dancing.

  64. […] 16th, 2007 A challenge laid by silken braids Of five unknowns in poetic […]

  65. TheFirm said

    It’s not that Baptists can’t dance… it’s that most of them shouldn’t even try.

    As for the meme, it annoys me that I was unable to answer without putting it in the form of a poem. It’s like “Meme Jeopardy.”

  66. Well, that too . . . . coming from a lapsed Baptist

  67. “About a Boy ”

    That movie is the current record holder for flick I expect nothing out of and was actually surpisingly awesome. I was shocked that the story stayed focused on the bond between the man and the boy, without corrupting it with parental romance.

    I was also shocked how likable and diasarming Hugh Grant is when playing himself…essentially.

  68. “Valliant is all Byronic Hero and stuff”

    Mad, bad, and dangerous to know…Ah Max, you do know how to appeal to the disfunctional romantic in me.

  69. max said

    Wow and I do not even have a maple finish.

  70. Drop and give me fifty.
    You are so much trouble.

  71. max said


    Can I do the girly kind?

  72. Ms. Pants said

    Sheesh. You know, once you start this tagging business, it’s all downhill from there.

    I went all kinds of cheater on it with my tagging. But here are my 5 stinkin things.

  73. max said

    I am all aflutter you are re-entering the dating frenzy. Yay!

  74. Ms. Pants said

    Just a toe, lady. A toe. One. The pinky one. And only the tip, not even the full toenail.

  75. max said

    But I bet those toe nails are polished. I will be like a Tennyson Williams maiden aunt fluttering and lilting about gentlemen callers.

  76. Oh, I love that play. BTW, Max, if anyone can do it [direct], I’m confident you’d do a fine job.

  77. max said

    I do not really like myself with power.

  78. Jennifer said

    Your Highness, You jest.

  79. Jennifer said

    ( If you are projecting it’s good timing, I was really contemplating stealing one of those facy celluloidblonde awards for myself. )

  80. Jennifer said

    This blog plays ticks on me all the time……. It’s a maze, it’s very clever.

    OR maybe this is what happens when I am off the mom blog…. I don’t see things that are there……

  81. The girly kind, on your knees. Why yes, that would so work.
    Fifty. And do not try to trick me by counting in German, I can count money in ten languages.

  82. max said

    Well okay but this is going to be in sets of five with ice cream breaks in between Bossy Girl.

  83. I do not really like myself with power.

    Ok but everyone is entitled to tap into their inner Machiavellian once a while.

  84. TheFirm said

    You have Machiavelli on tap? Wow…

  85. Yes, Firm, the well never runs dry.

  86. […] was this hot blonde director it’s in the comments and she was bossing me around, I mean giving direction. It was about the lighting. An actress who […]

  87. […] was this hot blonde director it’s in the comments and she was bossing me around, I mean giving direction. It was about the lighting. An actress who […]

  88. TheFirm said

    The wealth? All I have to share is misappropriated word-play (puns of steal). I live constantly on the edge of annoying max to the point that she bans me entirely.

    It’s what makes life worth living.

  89. Jennifer said

    I watched About A Boy. THe depth of each EACH scene is incredible. The light is staggered back and back and it’s suble but gorgeous. Art for sure, every piece of light is by design.

    Sometimes I put a movie on my ipod and just listen to it. I haven’t ever put a movie in and just watched it. That was cool.

    May all your movie dreams come true.

  90. max said

    “I live constantly on the edge of annoying max to the point that she bans me entirely.”

    And then you say something funny like that and how could I?

    Jennifer, isn’t it great? I avoided that movie, I was not expecting to care for it much, and then it turned out to be very wonderful.

  91. TheFirm said

    At the risk of permanently soiling my reputation…

    I love to listen to movies as well. One of the striking things noted about “Cast Away” was that between the plane crash and the time he’s rescued, you hear nothing but the sounds of the island. It’s amazing to realize what a stark contrast that is to the overproduced audio tracks in so many films.

    On the “light and staging” front, one of my favorite theatrical performances was of “A Christmas Carol,” several years ago. In the scene where Young Ebenezer is talking to Belle about his plans for the future, but things are going awry. In this production, Young Ebenezer was at the bottom of some stairs, Belle was at the top, and Current Ebenezer was standing in-between them, with their dialog going on as if he’s not there. Interspersed with their dialog is his begging with his Young Self to not be an idiot, focused on things, but to no avail.

    I sat, stunned at the layers of emotion that this simple staging made evident. To date, I have never seen such straightforward blocking have such a powerful impact on the interpretation of a scene (including, sadly, productions that I’ve played a role in).


  92. max said

    Oh you are ruined for sure now.

  93. […] was this hot blonde director it’s in the comments and she was bossing me around, I mean giving direction. It was about the lighting. An actress who […]

  94. Stiletto said

    Did the Blonde Assasin take care of Firm, too? He seems to have disappeared on us! Ok — where are you hiding the body? Time to come clean!

  95. Vanessa said

    I believe he’s taking some time out, Stil. As to how long, I’m not sure. It could be a while.

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