breadsticks from hell : part i
April 9, 2007
Inspired by Rain —
There is a long and tragic series of calamitous events that led up to me being on this date. Let’s skip the sordid details and just get to the date —
I met him at the restaurant. It was a nice restaurant. Table clothes. China. Candles. The guy was there. Spruced. I had been resistant to this date. Had not wanted to go. But it looked like it might be okay —
And then the wait person set down —
The breadsticks from hell.
And it was a dead date.
Deader than dead.
It was a date gone horribly wrong.
You have not truly considered the social ramifications of breadstick until someone has chewed one directly in front of you with his mouth open. [Open is maybe not emphatic enough. Wide open. Gaping open. A freaking maw of openness.]
And then another breadstick.
And then another.
I was not across the table from a human. I was across the table from a cement mixer. And the strain of trying to keep my face frozen in an expression of bland complacency and mild interest was taking its toll. My vision was going hazy. My ears were starting to ring. I remember something about how he thought screenwriting competitions blow. And thinking vaguely above the ringing that was a weird thing to say to someone who won some awful big competitions. Food arrived. I could stare at my plate. Thank God. I did not want to see what was happening to his main course. Hearing it was enough. It went on. And on. A drone of conversation. I replied single syllables I do not remember. And the chewing. Huge. Loud. Unending mastication. Which drowned out logic. Drowned out reason. Drowned out meaning. But. Finally. The check came. And it was over —
Um. Not quite.
Cement Mixer was a planner. There was a pool place across the street. He knew I liked pool. He had picked this restaurant to be a continuing date. Weakened and confused, I half stumbled was half dragged to the pool place.
Not a bread stick in sight. Thank God. I picked a cue.
To Be Continued…. [and by the way I am putting the links in now and have no idea how that will work out, ooh la la, mystery and confabulation]