looking for god

April 2, 2007

looking for godThere was a great big discussion here. On love. [Yes, that is the Squirrel That Looked Like Hitler post get over it read comments.] Slumber party talk. Late night talk. Girl about boy talk. Sulya said something so smart about love in another forum I posted that instead of even talk. But —

I thought about it.

People who get shot out of cannons who have broken every bone — twice — will still climb back in cannons.

People hurt by love without a single broken bone will quit and never go back.

Sometimes I think if you spend love ill you use up your time and chances and that is it for you.

Sometimes I think the act of loving can be so damaging there is no coming back from that you are just forever broken and cannot be fixed.

And sometimes I think —

That I think too damn much.

Here is what I know.

It does not matter how much you love another person.

It matters who you become with another person.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is small shadows creep
by ghostbones
and that is all i know

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36 Responses to “looking for god”

  1. After many many years of marriage, here is my say.
    Love takes work at times.
    Respect must always be there.
    That is about it.

  2. Jennifer said

    I cried happy tears. That is so true, Max.

    “It matters who you become with another person”

    This is the source of all my happiness……..

  3. Woeful said

    “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
    – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  4. An oft forgotten aspect of chemistry is the long term impact it has on both your personalities. It wasn’t a big deal when I was still in my two weeks of glory car crash love phase, but once I settled down a bit and starting dating for months at a time I realized two powerfully reactive and emotional personalities can create a pretty toxic situation for both.

    When one is intractably bitter and wounded over an old love it’s rarely the others actions you cannot forgive, rather it’s the person you allowed yourself to become. At least that’s how it was in my case

  5. max said

    You know the trick with a post like this is, after you post it, you really should have something else smart to say after but that one thing may be the only smart thing I can say about love.

    Wow, Valliant, months at a time? That is so long term. [smile]

  6. The last three were five years, hard to say, and a year, repectively. Mind they all sort of eased into and out of the proper relationship category so it’s hard to acuratley measure.

  7. max said

    Do you have children? Beats is a funny world I never know what in that world is real and what is fictitious.

  8. Are you questioning the legitmacy of my boys Richochet and Lucifer?

  9. max said

    Well not their legitimacy, surely they were born in wedlock.

  10. “It matters who you become with another person.”

    Those words will stick in my head tonight. Sheesh, Max, and I just wanted to eat chocolate and watch Prison Break and 24. Well, I guess I can hold off the deep thoughts for two hours.

    Honestly, I don’t even know what to say about this. It rings true, of course, but it’s depressing to think about, especially if you’ve been in a succession of toxic relationships.

    I’ve definitely allowed myself to become bitter and jaded about relationships. But a little part of me has hope. You have to have hope or else the rest of life is futile.

    BTW, why did you title this Looking for God? Are the two related?

  11. max said

    Some people, animals, places, situations, draw the best pieces of me out, they make me better and more noble than I am or ever could be alone. To me those are the God pieces. I find the best parts of myself in others? I have no idea if that makes sense.

  12. max said

    Oh, that goes two ways too. I find the worst parts of myself in others too.

  13. Yes, it does. We are all connected, Max.

  14. Yep, just like a bunch of legos- and I mean the good ones not those sucky ones you get in the happy meals from Mcdonalds.

  15. The secret to finding your true love is to fall in love with yourself, then demand what you truly deserve from the Universe. That is your soul mate–the one who you fit together with like two halves. The person you become by being with this person is you, only better, because you are each other–you are really only half by yourself. You can’t fake it though–you really have to be in a place of certainty. Your soul mate can help you heal from all the past damaging relationships. They no longer matter. People think this is not true, or no possible, but it is. I am living it.

    You always make me smile, Anita.

  16. I agree with Lulu!

    One day…one day…

  17. max said

    I will give it a shot. Boy I hope I deserve good things….

  18. Even if you don’t deserve it, f*ck it – grab life by the horns.

    Oh wait – isn’t that, like, a car commercial?

  19. max said

    I am having flashes of Ricardo Montalban. Help!

  20. Fantasy Island, hee hee hee!

    I thought I was going to cry, but I took a cold shower instead. Glad I got that out of my system!

  21. Or wait – he was in a car commercial?

  22. max said

    He was a car commercial. My mother loved that commercial.

    Whew, I thought we were going to have to take that wine away from you.

  23. Rachael said

    max you have written a piece that is more poignant and timely to me (’cause who’s it all about) than you could ever know.
    the last line is the killer.
    thank you -curtsies-

  24. You can’t. I drank the whole bottle. Ug!

    I don’t remember him in any car commercial. Was this back when we were…mini kids? lol

  25. max said

    Hey, Miss Rachel. I snatched your quiz. Smooch!

    Stil, I think so, I just remember the lecture about him being a sexy man.

  26. I got that lecture too- and then I turned around and married a Latino ( well…he was raised in Iowa so I guess the proper term is Hick-Spanic as opposed to Hispanic ) so I guess SOME of it sunk in.

  27. max said

    Wow you were a good kid, Anita, you really listened.

  28. Hick spanic? lol oh my!

  29. Yep Max I was a good kid- and sometimes I’d spend all day wondering who invented those little plastic things at the ends of your shoelaces- its the oddness that became Anita…

    And Stiletto- and when I get mad at him I call him ” El Bubba “.

    Ha.

  30. max said

    “El Bubba”

    I love that.

  31. Yeah- it’s got a better ring to it then “El Jethro”

  32. Sulya said

    Hey, just caught up on all of this…

    Physical injuries can be seen by others.
    People putting themselves in canons are delightfully nuts.
    They are seeking the ride.
    They are risking the fall.
    They accept the possibility of pain as the price they pay for the thrill.

    And their injuries can be seen.

    I suspect that it is nigh on never when someone with many broken bones and contusions is left to mend on their own. Under normal circumstances, when we see injury, blood, physical damage, we, as a general rule, step in to help.

    We phone the ambulance.
    We apply pressure with something clean, something that will hold things together without making things worse.

    On the other hand, emotional pain can, in an otherwise functioning and participating human being, be virtually invisible. Days of sadness where ice-cream becomes a major food group and in a reverse transubstantiation, wine takes the place of water as a primary source of fluids are accepted by most as a right of passage for a broken or disappointed heart.

    But that sort of pain often becomes “unattractive” or “unacceptable” (to ourselves and to others) if it lingers much beyond a month or even a week(end). If it hangs around it wears out its welcome because otherwise functioning and participating human beings are “not supposed to” let broken hearts stop them from functioning and participating.

    And so the wounds become invisible to the naked eyes of others.
    It is the rare person who will phone the ambulance. It is the rare person who will apply pressure to hold things together.

    There is no paid “heart-sick” leave.

    And, this is why in a culture of revered stoicism the strongest form of rebellion I’ve ever found in myself or anyone else is the willingness to make the invisible visible; to display our emotional scars as proudly as we would our physical ones if we were people who shot ourselves out of canons; to be completely comfortable with being delightfully nuts.

    My scars are are lessons learned about – to keep with the canon analogy – trajectory. About the interaction of mass with motion. Body with body over time and through space. I have learned things and I wear those things and when I let them show – without too much drama or fanfare, just honesty – it becomes a litmus test for the people in this world who don’t just call the ambulance when they actually see blood; for people whose naked eyes see more than do the eyes of others.

    And because those people have always been the most valuable and interesting I’ve known, I try every day – with varying degrees of success – to not be afraid or ashamed of being broken because the alternative… Well, the alternative just doesn’t appeal.

    Anyway, I love your line, Max, about “who we become” in a relationship. It reminds me of this “Three out of Ten” theory of relationships I thought of once but I’ve written more than enough for one evening… G’night.

  33. max said

    [Gadzooks, Who was that masked woman?]

    Hey, Sulya, welcome to here. I am glad you made it.

    [Lately I am so having to re-evaluate my impression of Canadians. It is like this throng of smart and/or funny Canadians has just materialized from out of the void.]

  34. Sulya said

    And I draw from the pillow-talk of a long ago romance when I say that the masked woman who inspired your delicious “gadzooks” was “Enchantress Zoo Zoo Galore”.

    Oh, and Canadians have tremendous stealth capability. So much so that when I lived in London, England it was hard to sell anyone on the idea that we exist at all. But, when we dive in, we dive deep.

    Or maybe that’s just me?

    Thank you for the welcome. I like it here.

    Incidentlaly, as fair warning, the Enchantress is still mulling on the “It matters who you become with another person” line…

  35. max said

    Turning into The Enchantress Zoo Zoo Galore does not sound all bad.

  36. This thread was too much for me to swallow. Whoosh~~~my head went spinning for a second.

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