welcomeMax’s Good Hostess Checklist:

  1. Stock some sort of breakfast snack. In fact, stock some sort of food, period.
  2. Capture the prehistoric bug in the bathroom I have an armistice with. “Here Godzilla! Here Godzilla! Come to Max! Pay no attention to the super sized Tupperware container I am hiding behind my back….”
  3. Stock enough coffee beverages I will not have impulse to attack guest with sharp objects for cutting into Max coffee rations.
  4. Dust off the real toothpaste. [Others apparently do not tolerate baking soda tooth shenanigans well. This was brought to my attention when one house guest screamed and started foaming at the mouth.]
  5. Wash towels in laundry [and also washcloths]. Apparently linens growling and levitating are disturbing to guests.
  6. Stock some primary beverage other than Diet Coke? [Surely not, who in their right mind does not rely on Diet Coke as a primary source of hydration?]
  7. Bleach purple shampoo rings out of bathtub.
  8. Check stored sheets and pillows for “air fresh” quality. [Wash if “air fresh” quality went south in 2012.]
  9. Do dust bunny check. [Not everyone gives dust bunnies nicknames and cute outfits and stages wrestling matches.]
  10. Double check refrigerator for mystery alien visitors. [Some people whimsically refer to those visitations as “vegetables gone bad” but I cannot be fooled, THOSE are alien life forms.]

 

 

Whoah. This is a little dark. Everyone else was getting too much partying in the 60’s or whatnot so I was NOT expecting this.

 

How You Died In a Past Life -- WWII

 

That’s a Buzzfeed Quiz.  I’m not going to tell you about WWII dreams I’ve had since I was two.  Go take the quiz.  It should be fun.  [or creepy, but let's go with fun]

 

How Did You Die in Your Past Life? — Buzzfeed Quiz http://ow.ly/CqhY4

 

men who hate[d] cats

October 8, 2014

 

I love this.

[Yeah, I know, I am youtube crazed right now.]

[Get over it. This rocks. Yay!]

 

 

 

men hitting women

 

FOUR GOOD REASONS FOR A MAN TO HIT A WOMAN
~ by Troy Dunn

Lately, there has been much discussion about violence against women by the men in their life. Many have said there is never a good reason for a man to strike a woman but I disagree and today I am speaking out! I have six sons and I have taught them what my father taught my brothers and I: there are four good reasons for a man to hit the woman he loves;

1. Fire. If you look over at the woman you love and discover flames have overtaken your girl, you should absolutely knock her to the ground and start rolling her around.

2. Spider. If your princess discovers a spider wandering across her shoulder and with sheer terror in her voice says “GET. IT. Off! You should smack that 8 legged sucker right off of her.

3. Choking. If over dinner she begins to laugh at another one of your amazingly funny stories and in the process, lodges a bit of her steak in her throat, you have my full support to yank her out of her chair, spin her around and start squeezing her beneath her rib-cage until she spits up!

4. Train. If, while enjoying a peaceful, after dinner walk with your lover, you notice she has wandered into the path of a quickly approaching oncoming train, by all means, grab her by her arm and like the strong man you are, yank her backwards aggressively.

 


Max Note: Cardiac arrest might go on that list too. You know if your love’s heart stops and you want to get it going again it might be okay to smack that heart back to attention. This is also though the best way to commit murder in public, knock someone down and keep whacking them in the chest while shouting “Live dammit live!” So it’s kind of suspect.

 

this is adorable

August 23, 2014

 

push_up_dan_post_photo

 

The PushUp peeps posted a photo of everyone at PushUp waving to the AFW peeps.  That is adorable and hilarious to me.

Don’t know what I am talking about?  I will assume you have been in a monastery in Tibet under a vow of silence.  Hey, welcome back!  Go check out :::what I am talking about:::

 

Gotta Love the Oatmeal

August 4, 2014

todolist

Gotta love The Oatmeal.

Meanwhile, what should you be doing?

Checking out these bad ass posts. Doy.

–>South Park Writers Share Their Writing Rule #1

–>5 Instant Script Fixes

–>Authorial Intrusion is Your Friend

 


[you can even wear your underwear when you do it]

 

 

mad cap!

August 3, 2014

metal_horse

 

Yeah yeah yeah, maybe web design does not sound mad cap to you.

It is totally mad cap, but not in a good way.

Probably the stupidest term ever coined is “Web Master.”

“Webmaster” my ass, you Dungeons & Dragons freaks.  It is “Web Slave.”

Go see what I have been doing anyway: http://theafw.com/blog

July 16, 2014

misbehave_text

bunny on the couch!

July 15, 2014

 

rabbit_couch

 


ps: looking for a source and can’t find it, if you can, share — i stumbled across it via elizabeth croyden on fb

 

 

4th_To_Do

 

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