October 22, 2014
Chesh and Pumpkin touched down in Austin. This means AFF is fully underway. Yay!
Chesh came in at 1 AM and she and I were not photo friendly at 1 AM so you get a 2010 photo of us instead.
Also Pumpkin, Chesh’s traveling companion and my other house guest who is all photogenic all the time did not want to take a photo by herself so you get an old photo of her too.
[I know, it is artsy, but I like that shot. Also Pumpkin and I have totally been cheating on Chesh too since Chesh is all jetlagged and out cold while I am keeping my regular vampire hours and Pumpkin is up with vampire hours and keeping me company so there is a lot of Pumpkin love going down right now.]
[Doggy ear scratches, pervos! Jeez!]
Let the AFF follies begin. Yay!
October 20, 2014
- Stock some sort of breakfast snack. In fact, stock some sort of food, period.
- Capture the prehistoric bug in the bathroom I have an armistice with. “Here Godzilla! Here Godzilla! Come to Max! Pay no attention to the super sized Tupperware container I am hiding behind my back….”
- Stock enough coffee beverages I will not have impulse to attack guest with sharp objects for cutting into Max coffee rations.
- Dust off the real toothpaste. [Others apparently do not tolerate baking soda tooth shenanigans well. This was brought to my attention when one house guest screamed and started foaming at the mouth.]
- Wash towels in laundry [and also washcloths]. Apparently linens growling and levitating are disturbing to guests.
- Stock some primary beverage other than Diet Coke? [Surely not, who in their right mind does not rely on Diet Coke as a primary source of hydration?]
- Bleach purple shampoo rings out of bathtub.
- Check stored sheets and pillows for “air fresh” quality. [Wash if “air fresh” quality went south in 2012.]
- Do dust bunny check. [Not everyone gives dust bunnies nicknames and cute outfits and stages wrestling matches.]
- Double check refrigerator for mystery alien visitors. [Some people whimsically refer to those visitations as “vegetables gone bad” but I cannot be fooled, THOSE are alien life forms.]
March 17, 2014
February 27, 2014
February 17, 2014
A friend was reading the recent Max interview and said, That’s great, but when are you doing something live so I can see your face?
No live interviews any time soon but here is the face.
Also, here is a dog in goggles for the less easily entertained.
February 5, 2014
Just because it is fun and me and my friend Kim were goofing off with this idea over on Facebook, voila, Action Figure Max!
[Okay not really, that is really an action figure I lifted off the net and I will probably get sued, but close enough yay!]
PS: If that is not all self absorbed enough for you, do not miss the :::Max Pop Queen Paper Doll::: [Oh quit it, I must amuse myself somehow]
October 25, 2013
We are having fun. Also I find it crazy fun that people actually come looking for me on the smoking patio behind Driskill Bar. Okay sure that is predictable but also, how cool is that?
Also here are some photos to cheer you up before you go all “don’t smoke” on my ass. Yay!
September 21, 2013
September 19, 2013
In a galaxy far far away [okay Austin but quit it I am trying to set a tone here] I moved to [yes] Austin and I and a bunch of friends went to the Austin film festival. [Okay two years ago stop it what about setting tone here was not clear?] And a bunch of us were roaming about after a festival movie looking for a place to land and decided that place was my place but we needed supplies so we hit Whole Foods for snacks and beverages and spent way too much money and brought our supplies back to my place to carry on the party and —
Someone tried to make guacamole.
One of the friends here on that fateful night was Kitty, and Kitty [who has known me a long time and also was my hostess on an occasion over an entire summer] had never actually seen me do anything more crafty preparing food than make coffee [which she taught me to do but that is not my fault, that coffee machine was crafty] or pull string cheese out of a refrigerator.
[Seriously, that's me making coffee below on Kitty's "coffee" machine, look at that machine? It has extra controls to go to Venus and also to re-establish the space time continuum if anyone is dumb enough to break it.]
So Kitty was utterly agog when I took the guacamole fixings away from a native Texan and said, That’s not guacamole, this is guacamole, and —
Which, grant you, is not cooking, but since the most food preparation Kitty had ever seen me complete was to pull string cheese out of a refrigerator, was like the second coming to Kitty. And also, the guacamole was good.
My friend Kitty is from Louisiana. Where everyone can cook and dance. I kid you not. Men. Women. Children. Small house pets? They all dance and cook. This is really cool if you like to dance. [I do.] Also Louisiana is the only place in the US of A where you will see eighteen year old men arguing over whose red beans and rice recipe is better, or see three year olds arm wrestling for their grandmother’s secret recipe for the perfect file spice combo.
When you come from a land where everyone can cook, like Kitty does, and can really cook, like Kitty can, if you have a female friend who cannot cook, you sort of get worried about her. She’s handicapped, and you do not know how she will find love, with this tragic handicap. And if you love her, and want her to find love and be happy, you really worry. Which Kitty does. So Kitty worried about me a lot because of this strange cooking handicap, and then —
Holy crap Max can make guacamole!
The guacamole discovery would appear in funny ways over the coming months [okay years, quit it]. Saint Patrick’s Day rolled around and Kitty planned a party. And, told me to be there three hours early to make guacamole. And, she got all the guacamole fixings!
It does not take three hours to make guacamole. But this was Kitty’s strategic way of showing off my guacamole making skills to the menfolk.
It didn’t work. I’m Scots. That’s right next to Ireland. I’m not showing up three hours early to make guacamole. I hit Sixth Street, drank way more than was healthy, and no guacamole got made.
Kitty was sad.
Flash forward —
There have been multiple guacamole incidents. You do not need all those details. We are moving forward. I met a man. He’s nice. I like him. Kitty likes him. I told him the guacamole chronicles. He thought they were funny. I think they are funny. But I said, Watch, Kitty will want to do the guacamole thing.
The next day, Kitty said, Make him your guacamole.
Score! I am a total sooth sayer here! YAY!
I tell him. He laughs. I laugh.
Here is the thing. He told me a secret.
He hates guacamole.
We are trying to figure out how to tell Kitty.
Still here? Bonus guacamole read yay! : :::gangrene and the avacado thumb of death:::
September 5, 2013
Twitter account? I’m twitter bombing John Stamos for my friend Rane’s birthday. You can help. Tweet this:
Dear @JohnStamos it would totally make your mad cap fan @PlainRane ‘s day if you tweeted happy birthday to her Friday.
It really will make her birthday.
[Yes, I am nefarious. But you already knew that, right?]