February 15, 2012
The prize is a $375 AFW class.
Interested? Read on —
WHAT TO ENTER: A one to three page scene or scene sequence. It must be comedy. It must be original. And it must be written by you. Content is up to you but the judges do not really go for slapstick and bathroom humor. We do not care about genre — if it is comedy you are in. Public figures are fair game if it is satirical — but we are sort of tired of Elvis jokes. Characters owned and copyrighted by other individuals [for example Bat Man] may only be used if the entry is satire.
WHAT IT COSTS TO ENTER: Three bucks. We thought about it a lot and it just seemed like you should be making some sort of commitment here so three bucks is it. We’re calling this a submission fee. It will offset the cost of tuition for the classes we are giving away.
WHAT YOU GET OUT OF THIS IF YOU WIN: You win a free AFW class. Yay! That is $375 right there. Also winning entries are published on the AFW site and we make a fuss over you. [Classes for winners are classes offered in July, September, and November, 2012. Your choice. All classes are online classes so, you know, if you are in Sweden? No biggy. You are still in.]
WHAT YOU GET OUT OF THIS IF YOU DO NOT WIN: Well you don’t get a thing if you do not win. Sorry about that.
WHAT WE GET OUT OF THIS: Well, we do not expect to get rich. Three bucks is just not going to sponsor a cruise. It will offset the cost of tuition for the classes we are giving away and some of the processing time and reading time and band width going up in flames here. But. We are in it for notoriety. People like competitions. People talk about competitions. It’s a win/win situation. Word of mouth for us — free classes for you. Yay!
HOW MANY WINNERS ARE THERE: There are up to three winners. [We're assuming at least three people will enter here but if not? You do the math.] Three pages, three bucks, three winners worked out for us. This is not a huge competition so we do not expect to be overwhelmed with entries. But it’s fun, it’s low rent, and you get a free class if you win. Excellent!
WHO ARE THE JUDGES: The judges are Max and/or writers selected by Max. Max is the final judge and her decisions are final.
WHAT DO THE JUDGES LOOK FOR: Good writing and funny scenes. Also we expect you to know what a screenplay looks like and format accordingly.
WHAT FEEDBACK CAN YOU EXPECT: Well, if you do not win, none. Sorry. If you do win, you will get plenty of feedback in class so do not sweat feedback, if you win there is plenty of feedback on your fast approaching horizon.
WHAT YOU AGREE TO BY ENTERING THREE PAGES: You agree that your submitted scene(s) may be published on the AFW website and/or its message board and sister websites [we have a scary website empire here, if you want more info, visit the forum and ask]. You agree that your name and scene(s) may be used by AFW for promotional and educational purposes. You promise that you understand submitted pages will not be returned to you and swear on a stack of bibles you kept a copy. You swear up and down you understand submission fees will not be returned even if you disqualify yourself and you will not whine about it. You understand contest judging is subjective and the judges’ decisions are final and if you win you win and if you lose you lose and that is the way it is. You guarantee the pages you are submitting are written by you and you only and your property and you did not swipe them off the internet or anywhere else.
THE RULES: You may enter more than once but each submission requires its own entry form and submission fee. We know you could cheat this but we are going on the honor system here. We have faith in you. You can only win once so if your submission comes in in the top three and you have submitted other page sets, other page sets submitted by you will be set aside so two other people get a chance too. Scenes must be submitted in screenplay format and that means twelve point Courier font with real screenplay margins. No writing partners. Sorry. There is no way to share a seat in the class. No posting entries on the message board. If you do that the administrators will evaporate your post in two seconds. Also, you must be over 18, or have the consent of a legal guardian to enter this competition — or be independent so, you know, no legal guardian is going to sue our asses over luring you to the Hollywood side.
HOW TO GET THROWN OUT OF THE COMPETITION RIGHT OFF: If your entry is over three pages, you are out of there. [Heads up UK, that means US pages, 8.5 x 11 inches, format accordingly.] If your scene is not in script format, you are out of there. If your scene is not funny, you are out of there. If your entry is not submitted as a PDF you are out of there. If your entry is submitted without an entry form and/or submission fee, you are out of there. If you swiped your entry from someone or somewhere else and we catch you doing it [and we will] you are out of there. If you submit a full length script we promise we can spot the difference between three pages and a full length script and you are out of there.
DATES & TIMELINES: Entries must be received by March 31, 2012. Winners will be announced on or around May 15, 2012.
NEWS & UPDATES: Updates and news about the competition will be posted on the AFW News Page. Winning and featured entries will be posted here on the blog. Questions and comments should be posted in the AFW forum.
HOW TO SUBMIT YOUR SCENE/SCENE SEQUENCE: Go to the bottom of this page where it says “Sounds good to me.”
•Click the link.
•Send in your three bucks. (this goes in via Paypal)
•You will be redirected to a page with the link to the entry form on it.
•Copy and paste the entry form into an email — and fill in the blanks.
•Place the page number and your email address in the upper right corner of each page in your submission just in case it gets separated from the submission email.
•Attach your entry as a PDF to your email and send it in to the email address provided on the entry form.
ARE SUBMISSIONS ANONYMOUS: No, sorry. We can’t pretend we don’t know who you are. We do know. We will not hold it against you.
HOW YOU KNOW YOUR SUBMISSION ARRIVED: We are doing a fancy auto responder at the 3Pages mail box so when your submission comes in, you will get a nice note telling you so.
HOW YOU KNOW WE READ YOUR SUBMISSION: Because we said so. Really, that’s all you get. We’re taking it on faith you paid for that submission form. You’re taking it on faith we read the material. [Hint: We do. We're actually looking for talented people here. We like talented people. They are the most fun in class.]
GENERAL CAVEATS AND FINE PRINT: We reserve the right to extend deadlines and/or announcement dates. Class dates do at times shift for unforeseen reasons. [Blame the whacky film industry.] If this happens, we’ll make arrangements with you to place you in another class you want to take. In the event some egregious oversight on our part comes up in relation to these rules, regs, and general competition guidelines, we reserve the right to amend them — and worst case scenario, if you win and things are so out of whack no reasonable alternative we offer you works for you, hey, we’ll give you back your three bucks.
THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME: :::GO TO 3PAGES:::
January 4, 2012
RT @LOLGOP: Bachmann really is one of the most vile human beings to ever live. The lies upon lies. But she makes the cat watch the TV.
RT @ninatypewriter: Bachmann, please get in your car and drive away on the socialist, government-funded road…
RT @DavidCornDC: Bachmann kind of claiming that Ben Franklin opposed Obamacare. Really.
RT @BorowitzReport: Bachmann apparently is withdrawing from the race to spend more time applying gigantic fake eyelashes. #iacaucus
RT @ninatypewriter: Bachmann just pronounced poignant with a hard g.
RT @LOLGOP: Michele Bachmann: I will do anything I can to make sure 30 million Americans won’t get health care, EVER!
RT @ninatypewriter: Oh. My. God. Bachmann is speaking word salad. And it’s from prepared text.
RT @lwdgrfx: RT @charyl: RT @JohnFugelsang: If Michele Bachmann were any more unbalanced she’d be a Cubist painting.
RT @lwdgrfx: RT @lizzwinstead: Guess it’s back to blowing corndogs.
*if you are not on twitter, you are so missing out on iowa fun
November 3, 2011
This is very cool, the film I am in, Underbelly Blues, directed by Phil Messerer, has been chosen as the first place winner in the Feature Film Category of this season of the LA New Wave International Film Festival. It will be screening at the festival on November 10, if you’re there be sure and catch it.
What happens when you mix a briefcase containing ten million dollars with a corrupt cop, a sleazy strip club owner, lesbian strippers, an obsessive compulsive hitman, a British meth cook, an albino thug, a cowardly gangster rapper, a sexual deviant redneck, a ruthless CEO, a Jewish pickpocket, and his dominatrix mother?
Tony Tarantino presents a unique dark comedy from the warped minds of Phil Messerer (bloodjunky.com) and Seamus Reed (Hollywood Hustle) Featuring over 30 of the hottest young rising stars of the Hollywood comedy scene, Underbelly Blues is destined to become a cult classic and a must own for any lover of extreme counter culture cinema. Get ready to be shocked. Get ready to be riveted. But mainly, get ready to lose some bodily fluids as you laugh uncontrollably from beginning to end. Here is Underbelly Blues.
*undebelly blues on imdb
June 26, 2010
A lot of scripts.
Not as many scripts as industry suits read.
Those poor bastards read scripts year in, year out, 24/7.
I just read a lot of scripts over the summer.
Reading scripts over the summer though, I see mistakes continually in genre writing. It kind of makes me crazy. I wonder, reading a script that obviously falls into a definite genre, what someone was thinking abandoning the genre mid-game or, worse, pre-game?
This doesn’t just apply to scripts either. Sometimes I see it in actually produced films. The mind boggles. What were these people thinking? I try to mental block those out though. There are not that many of them and usually group frat boy stupid doesn’t get as far as the million dollar mark. Anyway —
Max’s Top Five “You Just Blew Genre” Faves —
Comedies are supposed to be funny. Opening them with a funeral and five consecutive scenes containing people sobbing inconsolably by coffins and gravestones might not be the way to go.
Action Adventure kind of depends on action. Stalling a Raiders wannabe flick in the second act with 20 pages in which characters sit in a hotel room while it rains might not play so well for the genre.
The keyword in Romantic Comedy is “romantic.” It might be wise to reconsider that plethora of fart jokes. Also, this is a date film, people. Do you really think a half hour watching a guy on screen fucking different women is going to work out on date night?
Children/Family Films are supposed to be fun for kids. Generally speaking, that means the kid should get the fun action, not the mid-life crisis dad. Another thing to think about with kid films: Little kids are going to watch these films. Are people playing with severed body parts really the way to go there?
Serial Killers have been fascinating audiences for years. What is supposed to be fascinating and freaky about serial killers however is the serial killer – not the script writer who refers to decomposed bodies and evisceration as “sexy” in scene description. Rule to the wise: What characters say? Is the character talking. What scene description says? Is the writer talking. And every reader knows the difference.
June 27, 2009
Say there is some harsh language in here but do not pass out it is funny as hell.
December 9, 2008
I love minimal lines and spaces and yet am cursed with a need for massive bedding. So I look at all these beautiful bedrooms and homes and most of my life is very much like that very streamlined. But not the bedroom.
One thing the fancy pretty streamlined minimalist bedrooms all have in common is a little flat mattress and just sheets and two clean pillows.
A regular bed plus a feather mattress plus a mattress warmer plus two down comforters plus eight feather pillows.
Seriously. I could probably be a book cover for The Princess and the Pea.
That is not minimalist.
That is not streamlined.
That is not aesthetic.
That is not feng shui!
*i am also the woman who had to have all white furniture with two dogs and when that was not enough challenge went for white berber carpet with two dogs too
October 22, 2008
A Joke Writer
You’re totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.
Whether you’re spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life…
You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.
You have the makings of a great comedian — or comedic writer.