February 20, 2014
February 12, 2014
Where? Austin Texas
When? February 12
What Time? 12:01 AM until closing [we use the term "closing" loosely]
How should you celebrate MaxMas? Oh let us count the ways… wait, we do not want to overwhelm you, let’s do a top five:
TOP FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE MAXMAS:
1. Buy Max incredibly expensive shoes. Dolce is a serious fave. Yay!
2. Give Max a spiff Victoria’s Secret gift card. Yay!
3. Shower Max with Grand Marnier! Yay!
[Okay we are using the word "shower" loosely, do not under any circumstances douse Max with Grand Marnier. She is vengeful and also violent.]
4. Drop some cash on the save the wolves fund in Max’s name. Or anyone’s name. We’re good with Godzilla. Just do it. You will feel good. Max will feel good. Wolves will feel good. Godzilla will feel good. Yay!
5. Attend the MaxMas super super secret MaxMas underground party. [There is only one way to do this. Get the secret secret super secret party details. Are you in? Yay!]
December 5, 2013
September 22, 2013
On my balcony last night having a smoke. It is pretty late, the bars are closing up and things are quieting down.
This girl comes down the path. She is dressed real pretty, in a skirt with sequins on it that flutter under the pale street light. She has long dark hair and bare arms and looks cold and is moving very slow.
I think, uh oh. This path is not really the place to be this late on Saturday night alone incapacitated if you are a girl. As she gets closer I realize it’s not that she’s really drunk. She’s clutching very high heels and walking barefoot, I do not know for how long, but her feet clearly really hurt. And she’s really lost. And she’s also clutching a cell phone whispering into it. And then she sees me.
She hands the phone up to me on the balcony and I talk to her friend and find out where she is supposed to be and take her through the building paths to where she needs to go.
When we can see her friends up ahead she says, Max, you are an angel of mercy.
I laugh and say, No, this is the kindness of strangers. Everyone gets it and the only rule is you pass it on.
And she says, No, you don’t know it, but you are an angel.
Then her friends gather her up into safety and take her away and I go back to my balcony and finish my smoke.
I probably did look like an angel to her. I was in all oversized white and I have almost white blonde hair and the balcony is several feet off the ground so there I was, pale with pale hair all in white hovering off the ground when she was lost in the dark.
June 26, 2013
June 5, 2013
Who walks her two dogs down the path outside. She is little, about 5’3″. With long straight dark hair, a very white smile, and an hour glass figure a little over what Victoria Secret hires for.
The dogs are small dogs, black, about 20 pounds each. One is Poodle, one is Terrier.
The dogs were not sure about me and gave me the eagle eye when we first met. One barked. The Poodle, not the Terrier. But they decided they like me. Now they do the dog grin at me.
The girl is really sweet, and not American at all. Americans have these communication rules about insincere greetings. When someone says how goes it or what’s new, people say “fine” or “things are good.” They don’t really answer. They give the polite programmed response. It is a thing.
My small dogs friend doesn’t talk that way. When she stops and I ask some small polite question, she really answers. And tells me stories. About her day, her weekend, what just happened that is news.
I wonder whether this is cultural or she is lonely. I am not sure. But we talk.
It always makes my day more interesting.
Then I wonder whether that is cultural or I am lonely.
I will be moving soon.
I will miss the girl with two dogs.
March 14, 2013
And about town Baksy’ing and I ran into these people. I was about to put my sticker up on a poster and someone said, “That’s our movie, you’re not going to paper over our poster while we are standing here?”
My reaction was, “Oh yes I will.” [Because I am just like that.] My friend Cathy’s reaction was, “Of course we won’t.” [Because she is just like that.]
It resulted in a convo [and I say "convo" just to piss off my friend Raincoaster] in which the woman in the group asked to exchange paper and share, and said, You have to do this too.
["You have to do this too" meant, if she took my paper and handed it out, I had to take her paper and hand it out too.]
It was a really unfair share. She had about ten really nice printed movie poster postcards. I handed her about 50 off the cuff cheap paper print offs. And then she asked for some back realizing she was just about out.
Her movie is The Other Shore: “The Other Shore” follows world record holder and legendary swimmer Diana Nyad as she comes out of a thirty-year retirement to re-attempt swimming 103 miles non-stop from Cuba to Florida. She is clearly insane, who would do that? But it’s pretty freaking great. Go see the movie.
I wonder whether the film chick really did anything with those book papers I handed her or just tossed them. Me, I went to a lot of trouble to make sure I got those five nice post cards to the right people. But? It probably didn’t work. Five? That’s hard to make really hit.
I give it to you peeps. Make it move. If Film Chick did it right? She distributed 50 printed pages of the book. Make it right:
February 24, 2013
I just really like this photo.
Yes that is a :::going banksy::: photo
There are more here too I just for some reason really like the one above.
February 10, 2013
December 19, 2012
The electric company. Something bizarre has been happening to my bill. Every time I pay it, it doubles. This is not how bills are supposed to work but I have been pretty busy so I have been putting off making this call but eventually fear of having my electricity cut off forces me to make the call when the $500 bill hits.
I get this service person and I say, Listen, there is something drastically wrong with my bill. She asks what. I say, every time I pay it, it appears to go up instead of down.
She asks the name on the account. I tell her. She asks my name. I tell her. She gets very suspicious and makes me verify my identity about five different ways before she relaxes and starts sounding friendly again. [She was really not going for “Max” for a while there.]
She says, Ma’am, that is a credit. I say, I don’t understand? She starts explaining that they refunded my deposit so my bill started being a credit instead of an amount due. I say, Wait, so this means I don’t owe you $500, I have $500 on account with you guys like a bank?
She says, I don’t think you’ll owe us anything for a while here.
It is too bad I can’t write checks on that damn electricity account.