October 9, 2010
I go to this party. I am talking to my friends Richard and Patrick. My essay contest for a Nicholl date comes up. They think it is funny as hell.
Later Richard is talking. [Richard and Patrick are both also Nicholl fellows.] He says, You know, if I heard just that a Nicholl fellow was running a competition for a date to the Nicholl awards I would be appalled. But if I hear it is Max, it is perfect and makes sense.
It occurs to me somehow I have made a life in which there are Max rules for me that only apply to me and no one else.
October 1, 2010
October 1st, on or about the strike of Cinderella midnight, I hereby unveil the winners of the great date essay competition. Yay!
September 30, 2010
“WHY I WOULD BE YOUR BEST DATE FOR THE 2010 NICHOLL FELLOWSHIPS IN SCREENWRITING AWARDS AND BANQUET” essay contest is closed.
Stay tuned to meet the winners.
September 23, 2010
Pour in to the Best Date Competition as the September 29th deadline approaches.
Will any lucky bastard win a chance to accompany the accomplished Ms. Adams to the Academy’s Nicholl extravaganza?
As the deadline approaches, competition frenzy mounts….
September 22, 2010
Okay, the Essay Date Contest.
I am not sure whether this is the result of the writing community being one of the most bloodless passionless communities in the Stripes [holy fuck are you people even related to me?] or there just being way too many wannabe writers out there who should cast their nets wider, like, um, IRS agent or accountant maybe —
[Just kidding IRS agents, you rock, please do not audit me.]
[Just kidding accountants, please do not burn my tax docs.]
[Not really kidding writers, wtf?]
But, the date essays are problematic.
A few high points so far —
“I don’t do essays but I’m a fun guy.”
[Whoa, I am convinced. Where is the fun part again?]
“You’re a much better and more successful writer than I am, so you’d feel good about yourself all night.”
[Um. I’d like to feel good about my date.]
“My dear sweet Mama, now departed, always hoped ….”
[When did bringing up your mother become a good approach to getting a date?]
“Max, pick me and I’ll wear the school girl uniform!”
[This is an awards banquet not a bondage party.]
“Was on twitter for only a few days when I read you had gotten some porn, so I immediately cancelled my account and my Droid so the ‘powers that be’ would not make it look like I sent it.”
[I do not sit up nights trying to figure out who porned me on Twitter -- who are you again? -- but porn sure is the first subject I mention when looking for a date.]
“I entered a couple of screenplays in the Nicholl contest this year but didn’t have much luck (chuckling).”
[What a coincidence. I entered a script in Nicholl and won. Clearly we have a lot in common.]
“As awesome as it would to attend the ceremony, it’d also be invaluable to talk to YOU.”
[Wow I am so useful to you. I totally feel pretty now.]
“I bcc’d my work address, the attachments work fine.”
[Nice. Um. What about essay and photo was not clear?]
“I’m on really good anti-depressents these days.”
[Cool. Do you have a safe word in case you turn into a Summer Glau killing machine?]
Nothing personal gentlemen but Mom, porn, anti-depressants and cross dressing? Seriously?