there are days

 

There are days —

When you know you are a different person than you once were. When different things matter to you. When something that really mattered, you throw in the trash, give to someone else, let go of —

I used to think things I was letting go of were things I had to let go of because of necessity.

Today I know yes, that happens, but, I let things go today because they no longer matter to me, because I have changed, and what matters is different to me.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is kids vs. floor by almut500

return of the imaginary pants

 

My favorite pants —

Went missing.

My favorite pants were made from green silky material that hangs just right and makes my waist look seductive and my behind look good.

Those are necessary attributes for favorite pants and these pants were like the evil queen mirror of favorite pants.

 

---

When I moved into the loft I was clearing out the storage unit. That is the storage unit that was my life in storage for three years. Things were in there I did not remember owning. Things were in there I did not remember buying. It was months sorting. And when the favorite pants went missing?

I figured they just got sorted into the wrong stack and were gone for good.

Hell, when things go that missing, you wonder if they were ever real or if you just made them up.

Imaginary pants.

It could happen.

 

---

Today sorting?

[Why does sorting accompany every move?]

The favorite pants!

Yay!

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from gillian leigh

my neighbor the squirrel

 

The first night I stay here —

I sleep on the floor.

The movers moved me out Sunday night but could not move me in till Monday afternoon. So I sleep on the floor [do not do this when you are sore from packing and moving] to be here for the cable man, the gas man, and the mover men bringing my stuff back the next afternoon.

The next morning I am lying on the floor. Kind of dazed and exhausted from the move thing. Half inside the apartment. Half outside on the balcony —

[That means my legs are on balcony in sun but the rest of me is lying on carpet inside staring at ceiling. That is not where I slept it is just where I ended up the next morning.]

And I hear a squirrel talking.

 

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There is this big utility pole outside the balcony and I looked at it after I first got here and thought, That is not feng shui kind of missed that on the first pass through hmm.

But now I am lying half on the balcony, half not, waiting for mayhem to hit, and I hear the squirrel talking.

Not yelling the way squirrels do when they get mad. Just low volume squirrel muttering.

I lie there a while, just sort of absorbing everything and being dislocated, but finally I get curious about the squirrel talk and start too look for him.

He is a gray squirrel and he is sunbathing on one of the t–bars of the utilities pole. The t-bar is exactly the same gray as he is it is weathered silvered wood. And he is lying on his stomache, blending and absorbing sun and his mutter is like someone getting a good back rub saying, Yes, right there.

 

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The squirrel checks me out every once in a while. Making sure I am not dangerous. And adjusts positions every once in a while. Making sure maximum squirrel is getting maximum sun.

Some finches come and sit on the wires and that makes him mad, he gets up and curses them out till they fly away.

This is his spot.

They fly away and he settles back. And I settle back. And we lie there a long time.

Then his interior squirrel alarm goes off and he goes away to do squirrel stuff.

I miss him a little after he leaves.

Soon my phone rings and it is time to go do things apartment and I go away too.

 

where that squirrel photo came from :
that is from silent enough

holy cats

 

I just slept for —

Twelve. Hours.

I was sorting and moving things around till 5 a.m. and then I went to sleep and I did not wake up again until almost 5 p.m.

I do not remember the last time that happened.

I sure feel rested though. For the first time in as long as I can remember I feel like I really slept.

[Doy Max, you did really sleep --- for twelve freaking hours.]

 

where the art work comes from :
that is waking up 3 by mansel davies
[you will not find the waking photos on his
commercial site though you will find them
here.]

things that are broken : part ii

 

The little JVC player —

That will not play any more has to go. Nothing I can do will save it. It has quit for good and I cannot bring it back.

Sigh.

I loved that little JVC player.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is by visualage

things that are broken : part i

 

I grew up pretty poor.

We used hand me downs. We shopped at used clothing stores. We made do, we got by, and we made things that were broken work.

Making things that do not work work is not something everyone can do but my dad is an electronics genius who can build stereo speakers from the ground up using pieces he took out of old broken speakers and probably he could build a rocket for N.A.S.A. out of old kitchen stoves if he put his mind to it he is that much of an electronics genius.

I am not an electronics genius.

I cannot do that.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is by visualage

where the old books go

 

I have —

All. These. Books!

Really it is less books than I used to have. Some I sold off. Some I gave away. I have lightened the book load by a lot. But still I have many many books and I was brought up to cherish books and I do but the thing is —

I can totally cherish books without wanting to carry them and I really really do not want to carry them.

So a bunch of books went off to the library today.

Libraries take book donations as long as the books are in good shape which works for me and also works out for the library too.

Live happy little books you will be read again.

 

---

*natch taking the books to the library meant i did carry them [irony you see] but for the last time woof

 

where the art work came from :
that is war uniforms by bad jonni

pack like you mean it

 

It is 2 a.m.

And I am packing. That is minorly unsane if you are not me, keeping my hours, thinking maybe that justifies the hours — just being you.

Which it does. To me.

I fight myself all the time though. I think, You might need to use that.

This really destroys packing progress. It is constant halts and pauses.

So finally I tell myself, pack like you mean it. Pack like you are going tomorrow. Tonight. Pack like you are in a hurry.

I can pack everything I own in under five hours. I have done it before — when I owned a lot more. Now? I could probably do it in two. Under duress? Probably one.

Maybe I should go tomorrow. It would sure simplify things.

 

adventures in cardboard

 

It is box mayhem time.

When you live in a place with rooms you can designate one room BOX MAYHEM ROOM.

That does not work in a loft. It is one big room. That just becomes BOX MAYHEM ROOM.

It is a default thing.

 

---

Usually when you need boxes you must trot out to a box providing store and pay unreasonable amounts for cardboard boxes or you have to depend on movers to provide cardboard for more unreasonable amounts and all of this usually involves a lot of swarming around carrying boxes and paying unreasonable amounts.

It is all so unreasonable I kept a lot of boxes on hand for a long time through intangible temporary road moves just so I did not have to do that.

[That is very bad feng shui by the way. It means you are expecting to move on soon. I was too. Till I got to the loft. Then I disposed of the old boxes. Which all looked like cardboard box versions of a passport --- dates and places crossed out and scrawled over again and again.]

 

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These new boxes were delivered. All I did was push buttons on a website and presto boxes and packing materials were delivered to my door.

How cool is that?

And they come in packaged groups for less cash so the boxes are just as reasonable as any place I could go get them myself [except behind Ralph's after a produce delivery for free --- but hello lettuce slime --- and okay no boxes are reasonable but these are not more unreasonable] and sometimes more reasonable and —

Shipping is free.

[This place so rocks.]

 

---

I picked up keys today.

Cable goes in Monday.

Time to pack.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is anticipation by chaovsky

adieu little mini fridge

 

Oops —

I listed the mini fridge on Craigslist and someone just came and got it. No more frosty bev’s for me.

Maybe I should speed things up….

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from fbphotography