July 17, 2014
July 15, 2014
July 5, 2014
June 5, 2014
April 19, 2014
March 22, 2014
Having a smoke. There’s a small thump to my right. I look right, see nothing. I look up. There is a German Shepherd puppy on a third floor balcony with perked earls looking down at me intently.
I think it’s a German Shepherd puppy. It’s getting dark but the outline of those ears are kind of hard to mistake even if it is dusk. And definitely a puppy.
Then I know “what” to look for.
The tennis ball is lying on the ground right between our balconies.
March 9, 2014
February 17, 2014
A friend was reading the recent Max interview and said, That’s great, but when are you doing something live so I can see your face?
No live interviews any time soon but here is the face.
Also, here is a dog in goggles for the less easily entertained.
December 2, 2013
This is so cool and hilarious.
“Joshie” is a toy giraffe a little kid left at a Ritz-Carlton in Florida.
Joshie is also the kid’s favorite toy.
So Dad calls the Ritz-Carlton, pretty sure this is going to go very wrong —
But it doesn’t.
Joshie is fine AND the Ritz-Carlton peeps cover for Dad’s story Joshie is “taking a second vacation” by creating a photo album of Joshie’s second vacation and sending it back with Joshie when they send Joshie home.
This is one of the photos:
:::CLICK HERE::: to see the rest of Joshie’s epic vacation album.
November 17, 2013
I would like to say :::Lizard on the Doorstep::: is the only chance encounter I have had with an inanimate object in which I mistook an inanimate object for an immediate threat of the antisocial animal variety.
This would not be true.
Age 7: When asked to take the trash out after dark, mistook a discarded chair and couch in the dumpster for bears.
Age 8: When crawling under house foundation [don't ask, it is an eight year old thing] mistook mattress entrails for pack of attacking tarantulas.
[One reason my step-father will always be endeared to me is, he returned from each above emergency site saying things like "they did look like bears" and "that did look like a herd of attacking tarantulas."]
[Also he was totally right they did.]
Flash to Now: Going out onto balcony after dark for a smoke, mistook oak leaf of unusual size for alligator lizard.
In my defense, there have been a LOT of incidents that totally did involve living creatures of questionable hospitality:
Also in my defense I have had a lot of non-reported antisocial animal encounters:
•Swarmed by usually-brine-shrimp-eating-not-max-eating spiders at the Greater Salt Lakes —
[I hope never again to find myself stripping on a public boating dock shouting, "Hit me with the hose!"] —
•Attacked by an innocuous twig that wrapped around my ankle and tried to bite me —
[yes, snakes do fly] —
•Escaped 350+ pound pigs trying to eat me —
[technically that was a lot my fault I should not have been in the pigs' yard on that farm but still, death by 300 pound pigs does not look good on a tomb stone] —
•Chased by an antisocial goat —
[yeah yeah yeah everything trying to hit you with horns looks big and aggressive when you are three but still, mental scars, people, mental scars!]
•There was a standard poodle who lived in a house on the way to school when I was in first grade and that damn poodle chased my bike every day on the way to school —
[I have a scar on my wrist still from the day my bike's chain fell off changing gears and that damn poodle finally caught me and took me down.]
[Also, no matter how many times your kid mistakes couches in the dumpster for bears after dark, (ONE TIME!), maybe listen when your kid tells you every day a dog is attacking her on the way to school --- that works out better than the day the school nurse calls saying your kid is all messed up from a bike crash and dog attack.]
TALLYING UP THE LIST here as well as events to remain unmentioned [yes unmentioned and they will REMAIN UNMENTIONED TOO] I’m going to say there were more antisocial animal encounters than inanimate object encounters.
Also that oak leaf of unusual size totally had it coming.