this post inspired by men who date badly

 

Ahem —

Things Men Shouldn’t Do On Dates :

Announce you broke up with your long time steady three days ago — in the car before your date’s seatbelt is on or you turn the engine on.

Tell your date you are on a budget — suggest she stick to the house salad and breadsticks.

Suggest your date wear high heels — then suggest a [long] [budget friendly] walk after salad & breadsticks dinner.

 

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*feel free to contribute additions….

 

evil luring breadsticks

 

The other day —

I heard a man on the television say men would not cheat if there weren’t so many women willing to be there for men to cheat with.

This was on a talk show and a whole bunch of women in the audience nodded saying, “Yes, yes.” Like the whole answer to men cheating was [those bitches!] other women.

This is kind of stupid to me. Of course, if a man is going to cheat, there needs to be someone alive and willing for him to cheat with. [Do not always assume it is another woman either guys cheat with guys just fine.] Just like, if a person is going to over eat, there has to be food there for someone to eat. But I do not see anyone blaming the food: “Yeah, he wouldn’t have eaten that breadstick if there weren’t so many breadsticks that were so damn willing.”

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from lugerla

preferably over eighteen

 

Reasons not to internet date….

 

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where i found that reason not to online date :
i found that incentive at rain’s

signs

 

I love this. Kitty posted it. It is all about love. It is the perfect Valentine’s Day clip.

 

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going italian

 

It is almost —

Valentine’s Day and still no boyfriend [oh no!] so I had better get on task here. Fortunately for me there are quizzes to tell me just who and what I should be looking for in a man too. Yay!

 

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You Should Date An Italian

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy. An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming. If your head doesn’t spin enough, just down another espresso with him. Invest in a motorcycle helmet — and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

[Hey I am not responsible for that grammar that is the quiz I suspect it was written by an Italian. Hey, wait a minute....]

:::which foreign guy should you date:::

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from siggito

uh oh

 

Uh oh.

Twenty one days till Valentine’s Day and NO BOYFRIEND.

This is no way to get flowers and candy.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from alacrity danger

i think i saw this guy on match dot com

 

 

where i nabbed that sassy bear guy :
i nabbed the bear guy at rain’s

this week’s scary personal

 

Ooh la la —

I’m looking for the right woman to hang out with ever day, all day. I like someone who likes to work during the day, cuddle at night and have fun on the weekends. During the week I don’t do too much.

 

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[You know that just spells reality television waiting to happen.]

 

where the art work comes from :
that is one of kym’s frog photos

the pretend girlfriend

 

I go to dinner —

With my friend Beauford.

[His name is not even Beauford but I like to be somewhat discreet talking about others sometimes and also I do not know anyone named Beauford so that works.]

We are talking. At the end of a sentence he says “my girlfriend.”

I stop chewing. The girlfriend is new to me. I say, Wait, back up. What girlfriend?

[My friend Beauford even dating is new to me.]

There is a girlfriend now.

I say, How long have you been seeing her?

A year.

And I have never heard about her before.

 

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I think some of my guy friends do not tell me about women they date because there is a tacit pretend romance between us even if they and I are not romantically involved.

I do not know what the dynamic is there. Am I a pretend girlfriend?

The girlfriend must be serious. She is important enough to bring up now. Maybe I am not like a pretend girlfriend. Maybe I am like parents. You only bring a girl home to meet the parents if you are planning on keeping her.

 

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from bibi’s circus

date day : part iii

 

The phone rang.

Then there was a message waiting.

Then it rang again.

Then there were two messages waiting.

Clearly it was going to keep ringing too.

 

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Let’s tally this up. In my first real convo with the guy, he told me he can barely make rent, he lives somewhere with drive by shootings happening regularly, he hangs with people who won’t stop drinking and drugging long enough to prevent amputation, and while I give him points for not dropping the “my girlfriend was married” bomb [my friend mentioned that] he did bring up his VERY RECENT break up.

 

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I called back. And did a bad thing. When voice mail picked up [no not more phone tag please no] I told his voice mail I did not want to go out with him. And hung up.

 

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I have to kill a friend now.

 

:::date day : part i:::
:::date day : part ii:::
:::date day : part iii:::

 

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from la warqueza