far sight

 

Sometimes I feel seriously alone. I see things other people don’t. Won’t. Don’t want to. Or just can’t. And saying something won’t work. I’ve tried that before. It never works. I mean. How many people want to hear something they don’t want to Hear? [Answer: Zero.] So I sit watching. Alone.

 

memories

 

I remember being a little kid looking at the TV and some fringe crazies on the screen and saying, Those people are going to be serious trouble. And my mother and her friends laughing and saying, Oh no, those are just some crazy people, No one will ever threaten Roe versus Wade.

I did not know what Roe versus Wade was.

But I knew my mother and her friends were wrong.

 

cartoon day yay!

 

 

where i nabbed that cartoon :
i nabbed that cartoon at kitty’s

who created that cartoon :
that is by kate beaton

the scary house : part i

 

There used to be —

This scary house. It was the house all the adults told you not to play around because the structure might be weak and you could fall through a floor and never get out. It was the kind of house kids would tell each other stories about. Stories about people with machetes and hooks instead of hands and chainsaws and blood and murder and dead little kids.

A long long long time ago I was the kid who got in the first car in the scariest roller coaster.

I do not know why. Maybe it was just that important to me to be brave back then.

I do not give a damn about being brave now. I learned somewhere along the line brave just means scared and doing it anyway and these days I need a damn good reason to do it anyway if I am scared. But back then it mattered to me to never look scared. So —

Me and a friend headed to the scary house you could fall through floors in. We did not expect to fall through floors — or see ghosts. And there were a lot of ghost stories about that house. But we were tough kids who knew adults made stuff up all the time and we were there to prove nothing scared us and we went into that house to prove we were braver than anyone.

 

---

to be continued….

 

shame of eden : part i

 

I have been —

Watching the news. This is almost always a mistake. Watching the news too much makes me near suicidal and definitely over the edge disgusted with and appalled by human beings. Unclean. Ashamed — of what I am and whom and what I come from. It makes me want to disown my own species. Scrub my skin off.

 

---

I know the shame of Eden. And it is not the shame of Eve or Adam. It is a shame of now.

 

---

*hu⋅man⋅i⋅ty /hyuˈmænɪti –noun, plural -ties.
1. all human beings collectively; the human race; humankind.
2. the quality or condition of being human; human nature.
3. the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from sunny_drunk

the smartest baby in the world

 

 

voices

 

A memory :

I wake up in the back seat of a car. I am very small. The car is on a strange street. I am alone. I figure my parents are probably in a house somewhere on this block. Also they are probably coming back. I AM in the car. But. I am alone. I do not know where I am. I am too small to knock on doors doing a survey for parents. That is dangerous behavior. You get sent away when you do dangerous behavior. I wait.

 

---

A memory : I wake up in a car. I am on my back staring up at the driver’s seat. This is not right. I hear a yell. I hear footsteps running. A flashlight’s light hits the windows. The driver’s seat lifts away. A man reaches his hands down to me. Take my hands, he says. I take his hands.

 

---

A memory : I wake up in a car. I look out the window. All I can see is sky. Out every window. I stare at it. The car is on an incline. It is very steep. I have been in two cars already that turned over at odd inclines. Seeing nothing but sky out the window at that angle scares me. No one understands why I am afraid. And I won’t tell them. I wait.

 

---

A memory : Voices in the next room. As long as I can hear the voices, no one can disappear and I cannot wake up in an upside down spinning car strangers will have to pull me out of. I drift off.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from james at mannequindisplay.com

the magic fish

 

When —

I was a kid my parents took me to this fair. It was exciting with lights and rides all over and cotton candy and games with prizes and there was this one game where you threw a ping pong ball at little bowls with goldfish in them and if your ping pong ball went into one of the bowls you won the fish. My dad got me some ping pong balls and I aimed for those fish bowls but each time the ping pong ball bounced off the rim proving I probably did not have a future career as a center for the Lakers but then the guy behind the counter who looked like an adult to me but who was probably just a kid himself said Wait, there is a magic way to do this. You close your eyes and then you toss it. So I closed my eyes and I tossed my last ping pong ball and when I opened my eyes it had gone right in one of those fish bowls I won a fish. She was white with black and red splotches and real pretty and he put her in a plastic bag of water for me and I took her home and named her Scarlett.

I did not know for a long time that was not magic I believed it was. And then one day I knew really what happened was the boy behind the counter put my ping pong ball in the fish bowl while my eyes were closed.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from telzey

things i don’t know

 

Things I think I know :

My mother and father married specifically because my mother was pregnant.

I look exactly like my father — except for being one foot shorter and also that breasts and being a girl thing.

My first name is Russian.

I was named after a girl my father grew up next door to — who was Russian.

 

---

Things as far as I know : There is no Russian in my family line. They are all Czechs and Scots.

 

---

Things I do not know : Why true from Russia Russians keep taking one look at me and thinking I am Russian. To the point they instantly speak Russian to me.

 

---

Things I wonder : If something is going on no one told me about.

 

where the art work comes from :
that comes from akulis2

my best summer

 

My best summer —

Was three months I spent on a small farm in Oregon when I was ten. Us kids did lots of unsupervised excursions into woods and meadows, threw rocks, milked a cow, rode go carts, climbed trees, organized a circus [it was a very small circus but I was in charge of costumes and trapeze stunts so it worked for me and also amazingly nobody died and those were real trapeze stunts], went crawdad hunting, churned butter, built interesting Lego contraptions, and I almost got eaten by surly pigs —

I was telling that story once, just like that, and Kitty said, Almost got eaten by surly pigs? I knew you didn’t get out of there unscathed.

Like I have ever gotten out of anywhere unscathed.

Silly Kitty.

But it was sure a good summer.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from mad horse 5