child of the road

October 8, 2014

train_iiYou would think —

Being a child of the road my entire life and having lost count of interstate moves somewhere around interstate move #10, I would be all sanguine about the upcoming move now it is set in stone.

I am for sure moving.

I just, um, don’t know where.


I am not sanguine.

Not having a safety zone leaves me in a state of perpetual low level anxiety and dread.

It’s always there, like a low level music chord in the background.

And will be until I have figured out where I am landing and have a landing point.

 

 

 

wind from the east

October 3, 2014

 

storm

 

There is a strange feeling in the Austin air now. Air that has potential. That has power that could erupt, or not.

A wind was blowing hard from the west.

Blowing so hard, it was difficult to put a cigarette out in a deep ashtray without sparks blowing up and away on that wind.

Lightning lighting up the sky light gray instead of hard storm gray or night black.

Whispers of rain in the air, not hitting, but threatening and promising. “I am coming.”

And then.

Everything stopped.

Lightning. Wind. Promises of rain. Sparks stopped hanging. Wind stopped blowing. Lightning – froze.

Then the wind shifted.

Now it’s blowing from the East.

Picking up power.

I am used to wind from the west here.

I don’t know wind from the east.

 

screenplay contest despair

September 9, 2014

 

vogue_1950

I’ve got writers flipping out over not placing in the Austin Film Festival screenplay competition.

Seriously?

Just stop it.

 


 

THE PURPOSE OF SCREENPLAY COMPETITIONS IS GET READS AND GET SOLD AND GET THE MOVIE MADE.

 


 

Do you need to win a competition to get a script read, a script sold, or a movie made?

 


 

NO

 


 

photo day

July 3, 2014

 

max_wild_orchid_1_bw

Max, Wild Orchid Salon Party, June 2014, Austin TX

 

 

A friend called Sunday —

To check on me. She knew I was physically okay. Facebook drama had settled by the time she logged on. I’d posted I was okay.

I laughed and said, I’m shaking off the PTSD.

She said, Yeah, that’s the part I worry about, the pacing stuff.

She has known me a long time.

I was pacing when she said that. Five feet up, five feet down, sharp turns. I tried to stop when she said that.

 


 

She and I are alike. We know that place. The pacing place.

 


 

Crap went down Friday night. Someone shot at me. Strange men pounding on my door. I posted some of it on Facebook because I wanted to leave a “last known location” trail if I went missing.

I talked to one person who called. Then I turned the phone off.

 


 

If people are hunting you, a phone ringing in your pocket is not helpful.

 


 

I spent a night in a police station once.

I had been arrested for grand theft auto.

I’d found an old truck with the keys in it, started that baby up, put it in reverse, and slammed it backwards through twenty-two ornamental hedgerows.

Then leaned on the horn with the doors locked when the truck bottomed out on hedgerow number twenty-three and waited till every light in the neighborhood came on and someone with a badge knocked on my window.

 


 

Back Story: I’d been attacked by three men, fought my way free, crawled a mile through shrubs and back roads to a neighborhood with enough houses to call for help.

The men trying to rape and kill me had hunted and caught me once on blacktop after I escaped and tried to run me down with a car.

 


 

People are mostly cowards. It’s easy to close the blinds.

I started up that truck and rammed it over all those hedges to make sure no one would close the blinds.

 


 

The police guys kept asking me for descriptions. I had to keep saying, Look, I was abducted before, I keep seeing that instead of this, I can’t give you a good description, my head keeps interchanging what happened then with what happened now.

 


 

I was seventeen.

Flashing back to an abduction at fourteen.

 


 

The one thing I could give those police guys was a description of the car that tried to run me down. One of the police guys remembered it being on the outskirts of all the Max hedge truck excitement sitting on the road with two guys standing next to it watching the mayhem that ensued from my grand theft auto stint.

They were right there. Watching. Close enough to grab me off a porch if I made the wrong porch choice.

Fuckers.

I’m so glad I stole that truck.

 


 

Nobody pressed charges. They were nice people. They got it.

 


 

People want to know what happened Friday night. They’re curious. They’re concerned. Here’s the thing. I’m a bad witness. I’ve been in so many fucked up bad you are about to die these fuckers are trying to kill you situations in my life? A martial arts instructor who only trained black belts once inducted me into his class because he thought they could learn something from me. And I didn’t even have a belt. How fucked up is that?

 


 

I can’t give you details. It makes me pace. Also they might be wrong. My head goes into PTSD Max Mode. Past and present fucked up violence moments overlap in my head.

I’m still twitching every time there’s a noise in the hall.

I’m still pacing.

But I love everyone who expressed concern.

And.

I’m still here.

 

move frenzy: part i

March 31, 2014

 

moving_boxes

 

So the move is on the horizon and I have started checking out Craigslist apartment listings to see what is out there.

Wow do I hate Austin apartment brokers. Let me count the reasons why —

 

FIVE REASONS MAX HATES AUSTIN APARTMENT RENTAL BROKERS


1: Austin apartment rental brokers are the only people you can talk to about rentals in Austin. Unless by some fluke you get an owner privately listing and renting a single personally owned unit. Austin building management doesn’t actually put up listings for apartments. There is this whole hierarchy of apartment brokers that gets listings and then arm wrestle each other for possible tenants to rent apartments to and then I guess they get a pay off from the building people. I’m not sure how it all works but I do know, you never, when you answer a Craisglist apartment listing in Austin, are talking to apartment management. You’re always talking to a broker.


2: Austin apartment brokers don’t just put up one ad for one listing on Craigslist. Apparently they have some game going called something like “he with the most listings wins.” So they put up 10 to 20 listings back to back for one rental. Often they’re all the same ad header, in which case, you can spot the repeats and just scroll through 10 to 20 repeats of the same listing you are totally not interested in or totally not interested in seeing ANOTHER 19 TIMES and hit the next one.


3. Some Austin apartment brokers are wily and change the wording on each listing headline. Apparently thinking you will be fooled into thinking this is not the same listing you have seen 9 to 19 times already and were not interested in then either.


4. Austin apartment brokers post a bunch of photos with listings, but the photos are not photos of the rental. Instead, the photos are photos of a bunch of different apartments not even related to the listing. This can be real surprising when you show up to see the apartment and it’s not the apartment you were interested in that was pictured in the photos.

Some Austin apartment brokers, don’t do that, they actually do post photos of the actual apartment itself that is being listed. This is when you get cheerful. You like the apartment pictured. The price works. The location works. You are interested in this apartment. You email in but then —


5. As soon as you email an Austin apartment broker about a specific apartment you are interested in, they pull out listings for thirty different apartments you did not ask them about and bury you in emails with links to those listings. You’re choking for air wondering what happened to the nice apartment you emailed them about in the first place but I, because I was raised apparently to be way more polite than I should be, wade through them. Then I politely say I’m not interested in them. The real go getters then, however, will bury you in another 30 emails of listings for apartments you never asked about in the first place.

 


I went through the above with ninety listings with one guy. Interspersed with cheery, “Hey give me a list of everything that matters to you in an apartment” emails which he must have NEVER READ all ten times he asked for them and I sent the same list.

He finally got frustrated and blurted out, Well, WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

I said, “The apartment I emailed you about in the first place.”

He said, “Oh. Well I guess I could show you that place.”

By now I hated this man too much to ever talk to him again though.


conversations with the dean

February 20, 2014

Screen shot 2014-02-20 at 6.43.07 PM

max mas yay!

February 12, 2014

 

black_hat_and_backless_dress MaxMas!

 

Yay!

Where? Austin Texas
When? February 12
What Time? 12:01 AM until closing [we use the term "closing" loosely]

How should you celebrate MaxMas? Oh let us count the ways… wait, we do not want to overwhelm you, let’s do a top five:

 

TOP FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE MAXMAS:

1. Buy Max incredibly expensive shoes. Dolce is a serious fave. Yay!

2. Give Max a spiff Victoria’s Secret gift card. Yay!

3. Shower Max with Grand Marnier! Yay!

[Okay we are using the word "shower" loosely, do not under any circumstances douse Max with Grand Marnier. She is vengeful and also violent.]

4. Drop some cash on the save the wolves fund in Max’s name. Or anyone’s name. We’re good with Godzilla. Just do it. You will feel good. Max will feel good. Wolves will feel good. Godzilla will feel good. Yay!

5. Attend the MaxMas super super secret MaxMas underground party. [There is only one way to do this. Get the secret secret super secret party details. Are you in? Yay!]

 

maxmas, yay!

January 22, 2014

 

black_hat_and_backless_dress 3 weeks till MaxMas!

 

Yay!

Where?  Austin Texas
When?  February 12
What Time?  12:01 AM until closing [we use the term "closing" loosely]

How should you celebrate MaxMas?  Oh let us count the ways… wait, we do not want to overwhelm you, let’s do a top five:

 

TOP FIVE WAYS TO CELEBRATE MAXMAS:

1.  Buy Max incredibly expensive shoes.  This is always a favorite, and also Dolce is a serious fave, but you might require a shoe size to pull it off and only very special people know Max’s shoe size.  Moving on —

2.  Give Max a spiff Victoria’s Secret gift card.  Of course, you probably won’t want to do that unless you are counting on actually seeing what Max uses that gift card for.  Feeling lucky? Maybe not. Moving on —

3.  Shower Max with Grand Marnier!  Okay we are using the word “shower” metaphorically, do not under any circumstances actually douse Max with Grand Marnier.  She is vengeful and also violent when it comes to cleaning bills.

4.  Drop some cash on the save the wolves fund in Max’s name.  Or anyone’s name.  We’re good with Godzilla. Just do it. You will feel good. Max will feel good. Wolves will feel good. Even Godzilla will feel good. Yay!

5.  Attend the MaxMas super super secret MaxMas underground party.  [There is only one way to do this.  Get the secret secret super secret party details.  Be creative.]

 

That’s it sports fans.

 

Love and Kisses,

 

Your MaxMas Adams Girl

 

we are playing with photos

December 20, 2013

 

And when I say “we” there I mean “me,” not the Queen of England.

Settle down, you across the Atlantic peeps.

[Also just to be polite right now but not really because I am not actually sorry, I will say sorry for all those Fourth of July cards I sent the queen.]

[But not really. I am totally not sorry.]

[Look at the name. Adams? You really want an apology from an "Adams" if you are "English"? I thought not. Back to the blog post --- ]

 

max_collage_dec_2013

 

Those are mostly photos of me. That could be because I am freaky absorbed with my own face. Or. That could be because I am reviewing my life and putting it in perspective at the end of the year [yeah, that is freaky, who evaluates their life at the end of the year, nobody, right?] and also —

News Flash. Doy. It’s my blog.

 

 

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