welcomeMax’s Good Hostess Checklist:

  1. Stock some sort of breakfast snack. In fact, stock some sort of food, period.
  2. Capture the prehistoric bug in the bathroom I have an armistice with. “Here Godzilla! Here Godzilla! Come to Max! Pay no attention to the super sized Tupperware container I am hiding behind my back….”
  3. Stock enough coffee beverages I will not have impulse to attack guest with sharp objects for cutting into Max coffee rations.
  4. Dust off the real toothpaste. [Others apparently do not tolerate baking soda tooth shenanigans well. This was brought to my attention when one house guest screamed and started foaming at the mouth.]
  5. Wash towels in laundry [and also washcloths]. Apparently linens growling and levitating are disturbing to guests.
  6. Stock some primary beverage other than Diet Coke? [Surely not, who in their right mind does not rely on Diet Coke as a primary source of hydration?]
  7. Bleach purple shampoo rings out of bathtub.
  8. Check stored sheets and pillows for “air fresh” quality. [Wash if “air fresh” quality went south in 2012.]
  9. Do dust bunny check. [Not everyone gives dust bunnies nicknames and cute outfits and stages wrestling matches.]
  10. Double check refrigerator for mystery alien visitors. [Some people whimsically refer to those visitations as “vegetables gone bad” but I cannot be fooled, THOSE are alien life forms.]


so many things important

October 19, 2014


There are so many things important going on in the world.

And I’m so tired of talking about them.

There are times I feel compelled.

“This is important! You must post!”

On the other hand?

I don’t think you pricks are going to do a single thing to save the world.

And I don’t have any children so nobody coming from me dies if you blow it.

Just me.

And you are blowing it.


the sky tonight

October 19, 2014


The sky was a Maxfield Parrish sky tonight. All midnight blue up by the moon, sifting down through paler and paler blues as it streched down to touch the city lights.


this is not feng shui

October 13, 2014


kitchen on taxes


tax frenzy

October 12, 2014

tax frenzy at casa max


I’m in full tax meltdown. This happens every October when I spend the first two weeks of October stumbling about trailing bits of tax documentation and math flotsam, guzzling coffee and muttering “We’re all going to die.”

moments that shame me

October 9, 2014


bloodI found a tiny elderly woman —

Out cold in a pool of blood in an alley.

It was an alley in Los Angeles that was the back way in to one of the last photography studios in Los Angeles that developed black and white film.

That is why I was there.

It was in the Hebrew part of L.A. By Fairfax and Santa Monica. Most of the people who lived there were elderly. Nice little old Jewish people. Quiet. Different. They wear a lot of black and don’t speak a lot of English. This was not gang country.

But there was a fucking body in the alley.


[Holy shit!]



I stopped the car and leaped out with no fucking clue what to do and she was this tiny [I mean tiny, like 80 poounds] elderly woman in this pool of blood [and I mean pool, like, gallons of blood] out cold and I was on 911 like a cat on fire freaking out because I had no idea how anyone who lost that much blood could still be alive but she was alive she was still breathing but I was sure any second that would stop and she would be dead and I had no idea how to cope with someone dying in front of me she had to live that was it.

Which is what I hit that poor bastard on 911 with.



People seeing my very dramatic screech to a halt in the alley mouth started coming out of shops across the street and showing up. I don’t know how long she was lying there but none of them saw her till they saw my car screach on the breaks and me hopping up and down on a phone yelling.



I was yelling at the guy on the 911 line and he was saying, Calm down. And I was saying, Fuck you, I AM CALM!, just get the fucking ambulance here now!

[Which probably means I was not all that calm.]



And then I was pulling clothes out of the back of the car to make her a pillow because a guy showed up who was a medical guy saying it was okay to give her a pillow though I was freaked if she had a spine injury it might increase it but he said no, no spine injury, we can give her a pillow.

So I pulled three shirts out of the car and shoved them at him to make a pillow for her.

And then she woke up and looked right at me and put out her hand.

She wanted me to hold her hand.



I don’t know why she picked me. By then there was a crowd, including that medical guy who was making the pillow and not afraid of blood at all.

But she looked right at me and put out her hand.

And I wouldn’t take her hand.

I couldn’t.

I couldn’t hold her hand because it was covered in blood.



We got her on an ambulance and to the hospital and she made it [though to me that's fucking magic I don't know how someone that tiny can lose that much blood and still live it was truly a lake of blood].



That haunts me.

And shames me.

I wouldn’t take her hand.


I can’t touch blood.


the moon fairy tale

October 8, 2014


the moon


A king asked his young daughter what she would like for a present. And she said she loved the moon, she would like that.

And the king asked, How big do you think the moon is?

And she said, It is just the size of my thumbnail when I hold it up to the sky.

And the king asked, What do you think the moon is made of?

And she said, It is silver, that is why it shines in the night.

So the king had a silver smith make a silver moon the size of his daughter’s thumbnail and the king placed it on a silver chain and gave it to his daughter and she wore it around her neck and was happy.

But the king was afraid. What if she saw the moon in the sky?

So the king closed up all the palace windows and no one was allowed to see the night sky.

But the people grew unhappy. And his daughter grew unhappy. And she began wasting away because she could not see the night sky any more.

So one day the king allowed the windows to be opened again at night, but he was very afraid of his daughter seeing the moon.

And of course she did. But she did not seem unhappy.

And the king asked his daughter, Do you see the moon in the sky?

And she said, Of course.

And he said, Don’t you worry about how it got there when you have the moon on a chain?

And she said, No, it is like a new tooth. You can take the moon away, but another will grow back



That is the moon fairy tale. I heard the moon fairy tale when I was very young. It is probably in a book I was too little to remember. But I always remembered the story.

Also that photo as taken by my friend Mercedes. It reminded me of the moon fairy tale which is why you get to hear the moon fairy tale today.


child of the road

October 8, 2014

train_iiYou would think —

Being a child of the road my entire life and having lost count of interstate moves somewhere around interstate move #10, I would be all sanguine about the upcoming move now it is set in stone.

I am for sure moving.

I just, um, don’t know where.

I am not sanguine.

Not having a safety zone leaves me in a state of perpetual low level anxiety and dread.

It’s always there, like a low level music chord in the background.

And will be until I have figured out where I am landing and have a landing point.





Whoah. This is a little dark. Everyone else was getting too much partying in the 60’s or whatnot so I was NOT expecting this.


How You Died In a Past Life -- WWII


That’s a Buzzfeed Quiz.  I’m not going to tell you about WWII dreams I’ve had since I was two.  Go take the quiz.  It should be fun.  [or creepy, but let's go with fun]


How Did You Die in Your Past Life? — Buzzfeed Quiz http://ow.ly/CqhY4


men who hate[d] cats

October 8, 2014


I love this.

[Yeah, I know, I am youtube crazed right now.]

[Get over it. This rocks. Yay!]



%d bloggers like this: