november max classes

September 28, 2014

Max AFW Classes November 2014

Yes is it that time again when I announce stuff like November classes around the corner. Structural Writing and Dynamic Writing are on the horizon. I only teach Structural Writing once a year so if you want to hit that puppy before the year 2015, now is the time to sign up. See you there.

:::COURSES @ THE AFW:::

 

men hitting women

 

FOUR GOOD REASONS FOR A MAN TO HIT A WOMAN
~ by Troy Dunn

Lately, there has been much discussion about violence against women by the men in their life. Many have said there is never a good reason for a man to strike a woman but I disagree and today I am speaking out! I have six sons and I have taught them what my father taught my brothers and I: there are four good reasons for a man to hit the woman he loves;

1. Fire. If you look over at the woman you love and discover flames have overtaken your girl, you should absolutely knock her to the ground and start rolling her around.

2. Spider. If your princess discovers a spider wandering across her shoulder and with sheer terror in her voice says “GET. IT. Off! You should smack that 8 legged sucker right off of her.

3. Choking. If over dinner she begins to laugh at another one of your amazingly funny stories and in the process, lodges a bit of her steak in her throat, you have my full support to yank her out of her chair, spin her around and start squeezing her beneath her rib-cage until she spits up!

4. Train. If, while enjoying a peaceful, after dinner walk with your lover, you notice she has wandered into the path of a quickly approaching oncoming train, by all means, grab her by her arm and like the strong man you are, yank her backwards aggressively.

 


Max Note: Cardiac arrest might go on that list too. You know if your love’s heart stops and you want to get it going again it might be okay to smack that heart back to attention. This is also though the best way to commit murder in public, knock someone down and keep whacking them in the chest while shouting “Live dammit live!” So it’s kind of suspect.

 

 

Ohyez, in my continued efforts to make the internetz a better place one kilt at a time….

kilt_whoah

Dear Internetz: You’re welcome.

 

:::more kilts on facebook:::

 

size doesn’t matter

September 16, 2014

 

myth_A1

 

“Size doesn’t matter” only counts if you’re a woman comforting a man who has a small penis. It won’t count if a big breasted blonde walks through the door.

 


 

Splitting your vagina open to give birth doesn’t make you smarter than your childless friends. It makes you awash in hormones with a split vagina.

 


 
Poverty does not equal nobility. It just means your grandfather was robbed.

 


 

Wealth does not equal nobility. It just means your grandfather robbed someone. [Probably the poverty people above.]

 


 
Are you a criminal? Probably. Did you run a stop sign? Break the speed limit? Smoke a joint? Hello, “Criminal!”

 


 
Let’s consider what really should be considered criminal. Beating your girlfriend unconscious in an elevator or sexually assaulting a ten year old boy in a college football locker room.

 

screenplay contest despair

September 9, 2014

 

vogue_1950

I’ve got writers flipping out over not placing in the Austin Film Festival screenplay competition.

Seriously?

Just stop it.

 


 

THE PURPOSE OF SCREENPLAY COMPETITIONS IS GET READS AND GET SOLD AND GET THE MOVIE MADE.

 


 

Do you need to win a competition to get a script read, a script sold, or a movie made?

 


 

NO

 


 

my new favorite person

September 8, 2014

like!

September 6, 2014

 

like!

I posted on Facebook the other day that all my websites were crashed.

People came through and “liked” the post.

 


 

My websites are down, my servers are crashed, the school, my business, my book, everything, is offline crashed it could be the end of me.

People LIKED that.

 


 

There’s a weird autistic bordering on pathological [or maybe just pathological] mentality driving “likes.”

“Likes” mean “I was here” more than “I like this” or “I read this” or “I  saw you” or “I heard you.”

Just, “I was here.” Like initials carved in a school desk or graffiti on a bathroom stall wall. “I was here.”

 


What would happen if I posted that a parent or child died?

 


 

“I was here”?

 

 

 

nail polish ii

 

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away —

I am in a bar with a girlfriend.

We are both on the dance floor when I see a guy dump something in my friend’s drink at our table.

I grab a server, “A guy dumped something in my friend’s drink.”

He is blank.

“Blank Guy, get your manager.”

The manager shows.

“A guy dumped something in my friend’s drink.”

Manager Guy says, “What do you want me to do about it?”
 


 
Think about that. “What do you want me to do about it?”
 


 
I tell him what I think he should do about it.

Club security forces are gathering — and not looking for a man dosing girls’ drinks. They’re looking at me.

Then the guy I am pointing out across the room pours something in another girl’s drink.
 


 
The difference between me getting thrown out and the guy dosing girls’ drinks getting thrown out? Ten seconds.

 


 

This is the world I live in. I know that. I am “the problem” a lot. And I am going to be the problem again now.  Because the press is hyping “nail polish to avoid being raped.” And I am pissed off.

 


 

“Dear girls, here is some pretty pink nail polish, wear it and maybe you will be saved from rape”?

Are you fucking kidding me?

One more message: Be pretty, be demure, be quiet, don’t make waves, just put on this pretty pink nail polish?

Fuck. You.

 


 

I don’t want to put on pretty pink nail polish and be demure.

I want to see people raging through city streets with torches and pitchforks hunting down and killing rapists.

 


 

It is time for this world to understand the problem is not girls and the answer is not nail polish.

The problem is rapists and the solutions at the top of my list are castration and death.

 


 
PS: Dear Rapists: I am armed. And it ain’t with nail polish.

 

Anne Lower Medical Fund

The Anne Lower Medical Fund is a truly worthy cause in support of one of our own. If you have the ability to help, please do. There are also quite a few wonderful services being offered on site and the purchase price, often half price, goes directly to the fund:

:::Anne Lower Medical Fund:::

 

 

Oh yez, hot September classes are right around the corner. You should all go sign up for them right now.

Academy of Film Writing September Classes 2014:  The Sex Scene

Academy of Film Writing September Classes 2014: High Concept Writing

Academy of Film Writing September Classes 2014: The Art of the Pitch

 

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