I am studying the physics dillemma, no matter how many clothes I throw into the closet, every time I open the closet door, there is nothing in there to wear. It is maddening. It must be solved. I’ll get the Nobel Prize when I do. For sport, I climb the Eiffel Tower. And base jump off on rainy days. I am terrified of heights. And peaceful at sea. I work harder than Satan. I sleep later than God. On weekends I repair small toaster ovens for orphans. On holidays, I send Queen Elizabeth cards. I told my dogs they were adopted — and I got them used. They didn’t believe me. They said they had my eyes. When I am bored I teach dust bunnies to box. I give them names. And little outfits. I wrap all recyclables in Christmas paper. I put on pretty bows. I smoke like a chimney. I drink like a fish. I tell lies for a living. And the truth at home. I have pink dancing slippers — that I have never worn. And roller skates with fancy bows. I am good at big things. Like conquering the world. And lousy at little things. Like sitting on hold. I have always relied on the kindness of strangers. I believe in the Golden Rule. I believe in true love. And I believe tomorrow is another day.
December 21, 2006 at 6:36 pm
God, you’re beautiful!
December 29, 2006 at 5:51 pm
I believe this is one of the best abouts I’ve ever read. Absolutely wonderful… and to think, I haven’t even gotten to snoop around the site yet!
January 5, 2007 at 7:07 pm
You deserve and award or something…great writing, great voice, I’m going to pass your link along and spread the joy.
Keep Up The Good Work
Anita Marie
January 12, 2007 at 11:40 am
Aw:) that was really nice.
January 15, 2007 at 2:49 am
I should teach you the ways of the social ninja….
February 25, 2007 at 4:36 am
That was refreshing!
March 18, 2007 at 9:21 pm
you certainly deserve a nobel for writing :)
March 18, 2007 at 9:35 pm
‘Twas a beautiful window into your soul. Keep writing! I think you were born to do so : )
March 27, 2007 at 5:39 pm
“I told my dogs they were adopted — and I got them used. They didn’t believe me. They said they had my eyes. When I am bored I teach dust bunnies to box. I give them names. And little outfits.”
All glib posturing aside: There is an absurd amount of disarming warmth, personality, and cleverness crammed into those few lines. Very revelatory.
April 16, 2007 at 7:44 am
Lovely to have found you…..!
April 28, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Loved your about. Feel like I have known you for a long time….
June 12, 2007 at 3:43 am
Wow.. that is quite something you wrote About yourself
July 1, 2007 at 7:45 am
One, that is a wonderfully creative “about” that I just read, the kicker though is when I scrolled down and saw your “people I like” column followed abruptly by” People Who Suck.” That was really, really funny. Kudos.
July 4, 2007 at 12:02 am
[...] About [...]
July 18, 2007 at 2:22 pm
stumbled upon your blog. it’s kind of a joy.
[salute]
August 6, 2007 at 3:54 am
I would give you my opinion, but I’m not done judging you yet. It’s sad, really. Wait, strike that first comment. Let’s go with ‘I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be late to work today, as I’ve decided to keep reading.
Your posts could bring back the term “neat-o”…
…and that’s huge!
December 6, 2007 at 10:57 am
max this is for you!
hope you are well my friend
http://unitedhollywood.blogspot.com/2007/12/from-colbert-report-writers.html
March 14, 2008 at 8:40 am
In regards to the physics, it is a function of mass. What is happening is that as the clothes pile up, they create a dent in space-time. This creates an effect similar to a black hole. While black holes devour light and anything else, these clothes dents devour the appeal of clothing. As such, you find them less appealing. If this continues, the dent will expand and the fashion world will come to an end.
Men like me won’t care, though. We grab what is closest to the front of the closet and figure that as long as everything is properly covered, it is good enough.
http://aphilosopher.wordpress.com