I am studying the physics dilemma, no matter how many clothes I throw into the closet, every time I open the closet door, there is nothing in there to wear. It is maddening. It must be solved. I’ll get the Nobel Prize when I do. For sport, I climb the Eiffel Tower. And base jump off on rainy days. I am terrified of heights. And peaceful at sea. I work harder than Satan. I sleep later than God. On weekends I repair small toaster ovens for orphans. On holidays, I send Queen Elizabeth cards. I told my dogs they were adopted — and I got them used. They didn’t believe me. They said they had my eyes. When I am bored I teach dust bunnies to box. I give them names. And little outfits. I wrap all recyclables in Christmas paper. I put on pretty bows. I smoke like a chimney. I drink like a fish. I tell lies for a living. And the truth at home. I have pink dancing slippers — that I have never worn. And roller skates with fancy bows. I am good at big things. Like conquering the world. And lousy at little things. Like sitting on hold. I have always relied on the kindness of strangers. I believe in the Golden Rule. I believe in true love. And I believe tomorrow is another day.


41 Responses to “About”

  1. God, you’re beautiful!

  2. L. Monique said

    I believe this is one of the best abouts I’ve ever read. Absolutely wonderful… and to think, I haven’t even gotten to snoop around the site yet!

  3. You deserve and award or something…great writing, great voice, I’m going to pass your link along and spread the joy.

    Keep Up The Good Work
    Anita Marie

  4. iheartblackeyes said

    Aw:) that was really nice.

  5. emperorbananaketchup said

    I should teach you the ways of the social ninja….

  6. Bernard said

    That was refreshing!

  7. intelomkar said

    you certainly deserve a nobel for writing :)

  8. Winluck said

    ‘Twas a beautiful window into your soul. Keep writing! I think you were born to do so : )

  9. “I told my dogs they were adopted — and I got them used. They didn’t believe me. They said they had my eyes. When I am bored I teach dust bunnies to box. I give them names. And little outfits.”

    All glib posturing aside: There is an absurd amount of disarming warmth, personality, and cleverness crammed into those few lines. Very revelatory.

  10. charitycase said

    Lovely to have found you…..!

  11. Loved your about. Feel like I have known you for a long time….

  12. Jagadish said

    Wow.. that is quite something you wrote About yourself

  13. Zack said

    One, that is a wonderfully creative “about” that I just read, the kicker though is when I scrolled down and saw your “people I like” column followed abruptly by” People Who Suck.” That was really, really funny. Kudos.

  14. deixis said

    stumbled upon your blog. it’s kind of a joy.

  15. Charlie said

    I would give you my opinion, but I’m not done judging you yet. It’s sad, really. Wait, strike that first comment. Let’s go with ‘I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be late to work today, as I’ve decided to keep reading.

    Your posts could bring back the term “neat-o”…

    …and that’s huge!

  16. In regards to the physics, it is a function of mass. What is happening is that as the clothes pile up, they create a dent in space-time. This creates an effect similar to a black hole. While black holes devour light and anything else, these clothes dents devour the appeal of clothing. As such, you find them less appealing. If this continues, the dent will expand and the fashion world will come to an end.

    Men like me won’t care, though. We grab what is closest to the front of the closet and figure that as long as everything is properly covered, it is good enough.

  17. But can ya do the Chattanooga choo-choo?

  18. behindblueeyez said

    Great description – I love the way you write.

  19. Brett said

    Can I go negative on you — you know, just to be different?

    A consistent foolishness is the mind of a little hobgoblin, after all.

  20. SolShine7 said

    I like your writing style.

  21. this is my newest favorite blog.

    what are you like in real life?

  22. ejalvey said

    December 21, ’06 I said you were beautiful. It was quite the crush.

    It’s been a while, and you’re still beautiful. I hope life has been treating you kindly.

  23. Stiletto said

    Okay so I’m daft at times.

    I just noticed you changed your header. Nice! Are those Chinese characters?

  24. max said

    That is the same header it has always been.

  25. Jesa said

    arrgh! Only I create adorable, yet functioning outfits for both my dustbunnies and my hair balls. They love tea parties, but aren’t partial to cucumber sandwiches. It alwats has to be be before 2. They love a good nap.

  26. Thank you… Very intriguing..

  27. Sub Rosa said

    I love you you you. you’re a surrealist puppy. i will complete for the nobel in physics with my dissertation on missing socks & discussing what do cats look at-really.

    yafunkybloggerya. Arms are for hugs.

  28. Hank M said

    Do you still teach classes at Gotham in NYC? I see you are on their faculty Web site.

  29. max said

    Yes but not in NY I am California based and teach online classes for Gotham.

  30. Hank M said

    Wow!!! That was really fast! :) Thanks! I live in NYC…but trying to figure out which screenwriting class to work into my schedule. I may have to do an online class.

  31. max said

    Visit the forum at this is not really a discussion area here.

  32. Its been a while since I never met you.
    Love your stuff too,


  33. Connie said

    I have the same dilema with clothes. My closet look like a tornado hit it. All these clothes and nothing to wear. Maybe i should clear the deck, wipe the slate clean, donate and start anew….nay too much work rebuilding it from the ground up. You are right about the Nobel Peace Prize for closets.
    You have a couple very clever creative great phrases, that I really like….
    “I work harder than Satan. Sleep later than God.” ain’t that the truth!!

  34. Veselina said

    i came across your blog, from some site dedicated to interior desig or similar, i belive.. I’m so glad i found it! haven’t seen something so entertaining in a long time, neither something i can relate to in such a’s gorgeous – your writing style, respect. And keep going, please!

  35. victor said

    you’re hott. love your blog.need more pics.
    thanx for the heads up on your girl Pj..hope for the best!!cya cya Vk@Nyte

  36. thefibitz said

    Hi there – I love your blog and would like to nominate it for the Versatile Blogger Award. Please see my wordpress ( site for details. Here are the rule for the Versatile Blogger Award:

    – Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post
    – Share 7 things about yourself
    – Pass this award along to 15 recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading
    – Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award

  37. Max said

    Thank you, I have not discovered 7 blogs recently though I have been working too hard and don’t really have the time to participate. I appreciate the thought though.

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