how tasks escalate

 

It starts innocently —

UPS has a package for you. You ring him up and wow it is a big box cool! And you open it. Yay! The new pillows have arrived. Excellent, yes? But —

To put new pillows on the bed, clearly you are going to have to take all the bedding off and put on new sheets and pillowcases. Also the old pillow protectors need to be washed because you can’t just take those off the old pillows and put them on new pillows. Okay, so laundry. But —

You have no quarters. So you will have to go to the store that has rolls of quarters they will give up and do not think every store will do that either. But —

If you are going to the store, you should pick up some supplies you have been out of and were too lazy to go to the store to get except now if you are already going to the store —

Maybe you could skip on the laundry, or just do one load of laundry for the pillow protectors, except you check the clean sheets in the cupboard and they have been sitting too long they do not smell laundry fresh oh nos they have to be washed too!

Also, you know, if you DO have quarters AND are washing bedding you should maybe do socks and underoos too since if you do not do those soon you will be going commando any day and if you are going to wash those —

AND, as long as you are pulling the bed apart anyway probably you should flip the feather topper because it is about that time too —

Also it is just dumb to do that three stair cases trip up and down to the laundry room empty handed when there is trash and recycling that needs to go that way too probably you should take that out too —

Oh and also some of the laundry is delicates you can wash those on the delicate cycle but that will have to be sorted and hung to dry —

 

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One trip to the store for supplies and also quarters and after stripping the bed and also flipping the feather topper and also checking the “clean” sheets and also after sorting laundry and also after doing LOADS AND LOADS of laundry and also sorting recycling and taking trash and recycling out too AND hauling clean laundry back up AND hand hanging all the delicates AND making up the bed and did I mention all the other laundry has to be folded too —

I have new pillows on the bed.

And a whole bunch of feathers on the carpet. [Wow the old pillows fought back.] That means —

Oh nos!

 

where the art work comes from :
that is unmade bed by lilo raymond
and that is the best link i can find for him

charring the zen garden rake

 

I have this friend —

Who had a little Zen sand garden on her desk. You know, one of those mini boxes of sand with a little rake in it? You are supposed to rake the sand in tense moments and it is supposed to bring you to a sense of calm contemplation. So what does my friend do with the little Zen sand garden and rake? Does she rake the little sand box smooth with the nice little rake? No, she whips out a Zippo lighter and chars the Zen rake for fun and amusement. I tell her, Don’t do that! You are mocking the forces of Zen feng shuiness!

Does she listen?

No. She chars the rake more just to be contrary.

My internet crashes. Her internet crashes. Internet crashes for associates in Texas, New York, Greece –– she knocked out the internet on three continents.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from h.koppdelaney

break this

 

Artists do not know —

Where the gift comes from or why. They just know they have it and cannot be alive without it. It is not that they think the problem, whatever the problem is, is the door. They just know they would die or be less complete without the art. And if you fix what is broken, when you don’t know what the door is or how it works, what if that somehow walls up whatever it is that gives you access to that brush with God that is the art? That is why artists resist fixing anything that is broken in them. They cannot risk losing that unidentifiable connection to God that is the source of the art.

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from jamal

structural writing ahoy

 

The Academy of Film Writing’s Structure Class Begins September 14, 2010. This is a six week online master class taught by yours truly, Max Adams.

Seating is limited to 12 students. There are currently 5 seats left in the class. Please register early to reserve your seat in this class.

More info on the class is available at :::structure:::

A full schedule of upcoming classes is online at :::classes:::

To register for this class shoot me an email at :::contact:::

*A course fee is required for this class
*A writing sample may be required to register for this class
*This is an online class

 

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*above, max adams discusses the art of the pitch
*neon venus art theatre, july 11 2010
*photo by :::deborah chesher:::

:::more photos:::

 

*note, this was originally missposted
saying a wrong date, this class starts september 14, 2010

swear jar!

 

 

hollywood met up tomorrow

 

Don’t forget tomorrow —

Pitching a Movie Script — Meetup with Max Adams
Sunday, July 11th, 6 pm to 7 pm
Neon Venus Art Theatre
7023 Melrose Avenue
Hollywood, CA 90038
310-428-4236

After there will be much mingling and socializing. Yay!

For more info and/or to RSVP go here: :::RSVP:::

 

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If you are in L.A. you should come by. Do :::rsvp::: though. It is not a huge place, if you wait too long you might not get in.

 

i feel like reposting this

 

I originally posted this in September 2009. I am in the mood to post it again:

In the midst of fire, flame, brimstone and political purgatory —

A friend sent me this. It is very beautiful. And time outs for beauty are warranted. Without it the eternal battle would be very empty. What would we win?

 

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And then I found this too. Which I cannot leave out it has to be here too.

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what i learned at jury duty

 

What I learned —

 

At Jury Duty

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1] Wearing a T-shirt that says “Guilty!” does not get you off jury duty. It just means you have to come back tomorrow at the same time.

2] Early morning lines to enter Los Angeles court buildings are longer than any line should be unless it is the return of Elvis.

3] It is fun to amuse yourself with mental games and tricks in court house entry lines, like, “Which guy would murder my family faster at Thanksgiving dinner, the guy standing in front of me or the guy standing behind me.”

4] Flip flops are “business casual” with the court visiting crowd.

5] If you wear a day glow Patagonia rain slicker to jury duty, every guard will remember you. [This might not be a good thing.]

6] Jury duty comes with a one week free bus pass. [This has got to really burn people who only get twenty-three cents per mile, I am pretty sure the bus fare is better.]

7] If you need to know whether you need to get up for jury duty at 6 am? The website and phone system will tell you to call back at 4 am to find out.

8] Judges are very strict about what you can and cannot say about jury duty. Their orders do not however say you cannot mention the length of the line outside the court house building at 8 am.

9] Elevators in Los Angeles court buildings do not have built in “stop if you hit something solid like a person” directives.

[*All this time I have been making fun of movies that do not show elevator doors opening when someone sticks an arm in a closing door –-- now I have seen elevator doors aggressively try to mash people despite people using their whole body mass as a block to hold that door open --- who knew that really existed?]

10] Jury rooms have free internet. And no one gets to come in but other jury people and a nice judge who says thanks for being there. Not even your mom! [This is totally free porn if you live at Mom’s, Dude.]

 

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*by the way while i am making some fun here i have never seen so many nice calm happy unperturbable people before in my life, from the guards to the bailiffs to the clerks to the judges to court reporters, i am a little worried these people do not know how pissed off and perturbed they should actually be….

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from cam b

for the “little” truck impaired

 

 

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Just sayin’

 

the “little” truck

 

A friend and I are talking. She mentions a truck she may be unloading. She says it is a “little” truck. I say, Oh, Toyota? [Foolishly blurting the first “little” truck that pops into my head.]

She says, No, Chevy S-10.

[!?!]

It is not just a Chevy S-10 either. It is a twin cab Chevy S-10.

It is not my friend’s fault. She grew up on a farm. Probably a twin cab Chevy S-10 looks little compared to a farm combine.

 

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Wait! It gets better. My friend, appalled at my lack of truck size savvy, sent me a diagram to demonstrate the difference between a little truck and a big truck.

I am so cracked up.

 

outrunning the calendar

 

Keeping up with the calendar —

The July 11th pitch meetup filled, but we have opened a few more chairs so you can still get in if you jump now: :::pitch meetup:::

The July 13th online master class, Character Writing, has seats still open, this is an online master class in screenplay character choices, construction, presentation, and plotting with character: :::classes:::

The July 25th in person three hour pitch seminal in Los Angeles has seats open, more info about that is also available at :::classes:::

The September 14th online master class, Structural Writing, is now open for registration. Again, more info at :::classes:::

5150 the online screenwriting workshop is currently full. There may be a chair opening in September. Not sure yet. If you are interested in the workshop, you can read up on it at :::5150:::

Questions? Feel free to ask here or write in at :::contact:::

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from sherry

hello, projectionist?

 

Congratulations —

Keep pouring in for being a finalist in Script Pimp.

There is a Max Adams who is a finalist in the Script Pimp competition too.

The thing is. That is not me. In fact couldn’t be me. Because —

Script Pimp is an amateur screenwriting competition.

To even think I could be a finalist in an amateur screenwriting competition means people would have to be unaware I am an industry pro. You know. Sales. Options. Credits. Paychecks. WGA. Awards. That kind of stuff?

Wow. That is so disquieting. Um —

Hello, projectionist? Would you run some of the career highlights please?

 

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*listen, it is not that i do not appreciate the well wishes and congratulation, i do, i just find it disturbing so many people appear completely unaware i actually have a career as a working screenwriter

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from miss britt

my very very very cool coaster

 

Okay maybe it says something —

About me that this is one of the coolest gifts I have ever gotten. A friend headed for parts Europe. [Yes, that is what we called it before all this "UK" sash. "Europe."] She isn’t the kind of friend who feels compelled to bring back trinkets for everyone she knows every time she heads to parts Europe either. She goes there a lot. That would probably be exhausting. But she saw this and thought of me and brought it back for me.

It is a coaster.

And so fucking cool.

 

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*i do not know which part is cooler that it was there or that my friend thought “max!”

 

let’s get this party started

 

Yeah yeah yeah I know. Celebrate the 4th o’ July with a UK film? But hey, this sounds pretty damn American to me and also will wake you up faster than coffee. Now let’s get this fucking party started.

 

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*if you have not seen in bruges run do not walk to the nearest video outlet and rent it right now

 

dear other max adams

 

Dear Other Max Adams:

Congratulations on making the Script Pimp competition cut. Now win you bastard way too many people think that is me.

Love and Kisses,

The Cuter Max