time off

 

So. I am taking time off.

Not just because you guys did not pull your own weight every time I asked you to.

[Really that is exactly why.]

But because I have some other things to do.

So be good. I will be back later.

If you are crazed missing me you can follow me on twitter @CelluloidBlonde

 

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from chaovsky

return of u is for underwear

 

It is past time —

For a new survey but I cannot always lean on Rachael for surveys [Rachael always does the best surveys but she has not done one in a LONG time] so I went and hunted one up. I am just all pro-active like that [not really but it was totally time] so —

The A to Z Survey. Yay!

 

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A is for Allergies~ Grapefruit, Vaseline and, um, [okay just do not ask] Nanoxynol-9.

B is for Beer~ Becks. Yay!

C is for Career~ Writer, teacher, girl wonder.

D is your dog’s name~ Okay I am so stealing my friend’s dog Oscar here.

E is for Essential item you use everyday~ A tiara and a prayer.

F is for favorite TV show~ What is The Untitled Max Adams Project Alex?

G is for Game~ Man Hunt Yay!

H is for home town~ Highway 101 : Population California.

I is for instruments~ Um, musical, world domination, or mass destruction?

J is for juice~ Merlot.

[What? It has grapes.]

K is for whose butt you’d like to kick~ Um. Answering this question is what we in the assassin ninja biz call “telegraphing.” We do not do that.

L is for last place you lived~ Hollywood Baby.

M is for marriage~ Come back with a bigger diamond and we might talk.

N is your name~ Max Dammit Adams.

O is for overnight hospital stays~ Is “more than I can remember a count on” bad?

P is for passion~ I lusted after Simon Baker during a TV break today does that count?

Q is for quote~ “I am tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas?”

[Jean Kerr rocks.]

R is for regret~ I totally regret REPEATEDLY not winning The Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.

S is for status~ 10 cigarettes, 1 glass of wine, 117 pounds. But the day is young and there is more wine in the fridge — and ice cream yay!

T is for the time you woke up~ Hello? Crazed artist here? We do not check clocks when we rise we check clocks when we set.

U is for underwear~ That is a pretty frisky question coming from someone asking marriage questions with no ring.

V is for vegetable~ Um. No offense but I only date in my own weight class.

W is for worst habit~ Hey. I look damn good in a habit.

X is for X-ray~ Foot ankle shin knee [are we counting MRI’s or just straight X-rays?] wrist shoulder forearm skull neck spine teeth jaw lungs stomach — oh hell let’s just figure my chromosome count is a little off by now and call this bad boy done.

Y is for your favorite sport~ Hockey yay! Okay not really hockey. Hockey players. Yay!

Z is for zodiac~ Aquarius. But I have this thing for Virgos….

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from chaovsky

why is this even a question?

 

So —

“In April 2007 Peace, Phillips and Vick executed approximately eight dogs that did not perform well in ‘testing’ sessions by various methods, including hanging, drowning and/or slamming at least one dog’s body to the ground. Vick also is alleged to have consulted with Peace before Peace killed a losing dog by electrocution in 2003.”

:::washington post on vick:::

 

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Okay. Take a good look at that. That is not putting a dog down. That is hanging, drowning, bludgeoning, and electrocuting dogs. On purpose. To me that spells taking joy in the pain, torture and death of an animal. And that is, not to be melodramatic, but naming it, Fucking Evil.

Two years later, Mike Vick is being released from prison and I see questions all over the web about whether or not the guy should be “allowed” to play football again.

I do not think the question should be about whether or not the NFL should allow or not allow Mike Vick’s eligibility. [But kudos to the NFL for noticing, hello, this guy is a fucking asshole device of the devil fuck.] I think the question should be, Who the fuck would want to hire the man and who the fuck would want to play with the man and who the fuck would want to cheer for the man? Under any circumstances?

Really? You want to play on a team with that guy, the guy who thinks electrocuting dogs is a cool fun thing?

You want to hire a guy who thinks that is cool?

You want to cheer for that guy?

You want his autograph?

 

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Take another look at that photo. Would you find it fun electrocuting those dogs? Hanging them? Slamming them into a cement floor? Forcing them under water until they are dead? Do you want to have Thanksgiving dinner with someone who does?

 

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:::washington post on vick:::

 

where the art work comes from :
that is from mirium celia

i am still on strike

 

But this is pretty funny to me.

 

 

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Now go vote on my damn poll you lamoids.

:::vote on the poll before max hurts you:::

 

 

where i nabbed that sunday kitteh :
i nabbed that sunday kitteh at anita marie’s

where those nifty kittehs hail from :
those nifty kittehs hail from i can has cheezburger

i am so on strike

 

Oh I see. You think you can just neglect my fun :::wedding or shark attack poll::: and I will just keep posting away for your fun and amusement?

Think again Bluto.

Now go vote on :::my fun poll:::. Jeez. I am so on strike.

 

:::

wedding or shark attack?

 

Let’s do a poll —

[I have never tried out this poll feature so this could go tragically wrong.]

 

 

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where the art work comes from :
that is a chanel scooped at rhiannon mars’s

why i love greg

 

greg: i guess you got on those max

me: sometimes i am the ninja, sometimes i am the goat

greg: to me you are always the ninja max

 

the cool giraffe

 

You guys have to go see AJ’s totally cool giraffe. This is probably the coolest giraffe photo I have ever seen.

 

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:::cool giraffe photo:::

 

drop dead diva

 

This is a really fun show. I never even heard of it before but the pilot was playing late the other night and I thought the description was funny [a super model dies and is sent back as a size 16 --- karmic retribution yay!]. It is now a Max series recording yay!

 

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Also [you see this is coming right?] there are totally cute guys Ben Feldman and Jackson Hurst in it. Yay!

 

cartoon day yay!

 

 

where i nabbed that cartoon :
i nabbed that cartoon at kitty’s

who created that cartoon :
that is by kate beaton

feral birds : part iii

 

 

It is pretty cool having the birds around. Today I put oatmeal on the balcony for the little birds so they and the big birds did not collide over some piece of savory bird offering that might result in unfortunate bird bloodshed.

So all day while I was working my ass off on the computer, I had little birds visiting the balcony behind me and could hear their feathers shush shush shush and every once in a while a really industrious tiny bird smacking a hardened chunk of pita bread on the balcony floor or guard rail to break it up.

It is good to be surrounded by animal energy. Something living that is not just me or text on a computer screen or words or music electronically reproduced.

 

:::feral birds : part i:::
:::feral birds : part ii:::
:::feral birds : part iii:::

 

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where the art work comes from :
that is dove in a córdoba’s square by Adorna2007
[also it is a bit altered please do not get riled Adorna]

 

funny things my students say

 

I have this student —

Who has this protagonist who is a teacher at a Catholic school and also tends bar on the side.

In my notes I say, I am not sure a religious school will be okay with an instructor tending bar.

My student emails me: Well now I know you are not Catholic.

 

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[clearly i spent way too much time in the bible belt]

 

where the art work comes from :
that is nun in cloister by doris ulmann

feral birds : part ii

 

 

I wonder if this is one of those imagined relationships like the ones stalkers have, where if you post that you have a cold they think that is secret code meant for them that means you are thinking about them and would have them over for tea in a second if your dumb friends had not convinced you to take out restraining orders against them. Five times. In three different states.

[I really do not want to be a deranged stalking wild feral birds lady who imagines a non-existent secret relationship with birds.]

 

:::feral birds : part i:::
:::feral birds : part ii:::
:::feral birds : part iii:::

 

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where the art work comes from :
that is dove in a córdoba’s square by Adorna2007
[also it is a bit altered please do not get riled Adorna]

 

vampires & dust bunnies

 

So the other day —

This horrible thing happened. It was the bird day. [You are so tired of birds, right? Screw you. I like the birds. Anyway.] It was a perfect day in California. And I ripped all the windows open and all the blinds open and fed birds and I was semi delirious from lack of sleep, having pulled an all nighter, or probably would not have been so reckless, and —

Holy. Mother. Of. God.

The carpet. The windows. The – everything. Had this faint element of uncertain and insidious grime. Like, in corners in rooms? There was this build up of dust on the carpet threatening to be full blown dust stegosauruses or something. Listen, that is only supposed to happen underneath furniture where you never look. But, there it was, in all that stark freakish California sun. A threat to become full blown dust monsters without benefit of cover.

Ahhhh!

So. Now I have to go fix all this. As in, vacuum. Ahhh! Wash windows. Ahhh! Beat out screens. Ahhh!

 

where the art work comes from :
that is cat with the broom from redart

feral birds : part i

 

 

It occurs to me with all this bird action around here I may have turned out even worse than I worried I might. For a while there I thought I might end up The Mad Dog Woman of Laurel Canyon.

[So did my neighbors. They kept round the clock surveillance and when there were sightings of me whenever I left or came back to the house they got very excited and clustered around the window and whispered so loud about me I could hear them across the street. "She’s leaving the house! She is wearing the red dress again! Shh! She’ll hear you!" Really. I am not making that up. One time a friend picking me up said, "Um, why are your neighbors whispering really loud, 'She’s with a man!'"]

Also there was the cliché of the single woman with too many cats to worry about. Which I sort of worried about. Except not really. I knew I was probably safe there Jones would have kicked any other cat’s ass just for talking to me. But now. No dogs. No cats.

Birds.

Wild birds.

Wild feral birds I think I have some sort of relationship with.

 

:::feral birds : part i:::
:::feral birds : part ii:::
:::feral birds : part iii:::

 

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where the art work comes from :
that is dove in a córdoba’s square by Adorna2007
[also it is a bit altered please do not get riled Adorna]